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It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom. It was the age of foolishness. It was the epoch of — oops, that’s Dickens’ “Tale of Two Cities.” But even the French Revolution can’t compare, at times, to high school’s stress, angst, and terror. Here are 8 things I wish I knew then…

Everyone is insecure. I once attended a 30th year class reunion and got talking to Bobby (cue sound of heavenly choirs). In high school, Bobby was everything – handsome, athletic and smart. I assumed he sailed through life on gold-plated Nikes. So imagine my shock when Bobby shook his head at the reunion, holding his gin and tonic, saying, “High school was damn hard. I was a mess.”

I almost dropped my Pinot Grigio. What? Were we all screwed-up nut jobs? Maybe some just hid it better than others.

No one is what they seem. “Darlene” was the prettiest girl in our senior class. A cheerleader with long blond hair, she dated the cutest guy (I think it was Bobby). To add to her “gnash the teeth with envy” quotient, she even got good grades. I assumed Darlene had made some special pact with the devil.

Then one day she came to school wearing sunglasses. She kept them on all day. Of course, everyone was speculating why, when news leaked out. Her father had punched her, giving her a black eye. That’s when I had my first lesson that no one’s life is perfect, even those who seem to be.

You’re not weird, you’re different. I spent hours in study hall (and certain classes) doodling and reading. I assumed something was horribly wrong because I needed time to myself. Yes, I liked talking and laughing with other kids, but my sketchpad or paperback always beckoned.

Decades later, I learned that there was a term for odd people like me – introvert. Damn. I wish I knew that when I was 15. It would’ve explained many afternoons lying on my bed, listening to Janis Ian.

It’s good to join things. Being an introvert is no excuse. Looking back, I wish I had followed every adult’s advice to get involved. I wish I had joined the Drama club (I know, strange for someone shy). I even wish I’d tried out for cheerleading, even though I hated sports. (I did like cute guys).

Although senior year, I summoned up my courage and wrote for the school paper, but wouldn’t use my name! I was afraid of being judged. Sigh.

Rolling your hair on emptied orange juice cans (and sleeping on them) is stupid. Self-acceptance is tough. So is trying to have straight hair when you have curly. Looking back, as girls we spent too much time picking apart every perceived flaw. Now? We’d kill for that skin and hair.

People get nicer with age. Remember those mean guys you avoided in the cafeteria? Years later, at reunions, they’re civilized, polite, even friendly. It feels bizarre. There you are, two adults, discussing real estate and the best organic garden mulch. And you think to yourself…is this the same cretin who used to snap my bra?

Appreciate the great teachers. Most high school classes were forgettable, but there were always instructors who got under the barbed wire. For me, they were English teachers. Some influenced me. Some I never forgot. Looking back, I wish I had met them halfway, worked harder, and helped them with their job. Instead I slouched in my chair, chewed gum and half-listened.

Watch the quiet ones. Many of the nerds became successful, although I’m not sure why. It struck me, at one reunion, how the largest number of doctors and successful entrepreneurs were kids you barely noticed in school.

Another strange trend is how the quiet ones organize the reunions. You’d expect the cool kids to do that. After all, they had the most fun. Wouldn’t they be the most ready to relive those years? But strangely, the cool kids rarely show up. Damn, they’re still cool, even decades later.

Sometimes I think it would be interesting to go back to high school, knowing what I know now.

But maybe, like much of life, we’re meant to go through these growing pains. There are no shortcuts. Like Dickens wrote of the French Revolution… it was the best and worst of times.

And that, we had to learn on our own.

 

How were your high school years? What do you wish you knew then, you know now? Comments are loved and if you feel inclined, please share. Thank you!

Comments(60)

  1. Love this post! When I went to my 25 year reunion, I was amazed to see a few who harbored ill feelings from things that happened in high school. Other were friendly and actually talked to the ones they would have snubbed in high school. To say I would go back if I had the chance? Oh heck no. Sometimes it’s best to let that evil rest. 🙂

    Thanks for the giggles!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Bren, I agree. I wouldn’t go back either, knowing what I know now!

  2. I don’t think I’d ever want to go back to those terribly insecure high school years Laurie, but I wish with all my heart I had some of the wisdom we have now. All those things you listed and more would have been so much easier if I’d loved myself a little and been less bothered by what I thought other people were thinking!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Leanne, I see high school kids now and I see (despite the sometimes tough exteriors), all that vulnerability. I wouldn’t want to go back to those years either.

  3. Its an interesting question. I think that if i could go back, do over those four years, and then be able to jump back to now without my current life changing, I might have a go at it

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jeremy, Interesting. Time travel would be cool. You go back, be the person you always wanted to be (having all this hindsight), but return to the present. It would make a great sci-fi story!

  4. You are so right on every point. Excellent!

    I went back to a reunion a few years ago. It was for anyone who graduated in the `970’s. I thought I’d have a good time but I didn’t. I felt like nothing really changed and I didn’t feel like spending time with most of the people there because my best friends, who I still have today, couldn’t go. Lesson learned! Next time I’ll have a reunion with only my 3 friends!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Cathy, I completely get that. I always walk away a little empty, and haven’t gone back in about 10 years. They make me feel like I’m back in high school!

    • Pat

    • 7 years ago

    High school was such a vulnerable time, but I get a kick out of the reunions and seeing how much we have grown up. Well, at least most of us.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Pat, Most people are nicer, but some have that same silly snobbery. They never quite grew out of that. Maybe that sense of entitlement and superiority came from their parents? Who knows.

  5. A big YES to every one of these!!! Especially the comment about the mean kids—some of those kids are now my close, adult friends. Hey, we all have to grow up some time….

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Marcia, There’s nothing like time to soften personalities. I’m always astounded by how the meanest girls became the nicest adults.

  6. OMGosh – I can so relate to this! I have to admit though that after all these years I’ve never been to a class reunion (not because I’m too cool though). But I have been surprised when I’ve run into former classmates as to how things turned out.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Shelley, I have mixed feelings about the reunions. Its always good to reconnect, but after an hour or two, I’m ready to go back to the present. I feel like I’m back in high school at these events, which isn’t always pleasant.

  7. They did tell me all these things, I was just sure that the old folk were wrong. I wish I had listened– especially about the juice cans.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Beth, You too with the orange juice cans??! Thank God, it wasn’t just me.

  8. Why didn’t we know how good enough we already were?! Is it possible for my waistline to go back to 1975, but let me take the internet and smart phones with me? By the way, I am not above lying on my bed and listening to Janis Ian even now when I’m really in a fit of nostalgia!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Lee, I swear, you and I are soul sisters. I would also love the same, waist but still have my smart phone. Yes, I’m embarrassed to admit, Janis can still work wonders. Its too funny.

  9. Yes. If only I knew then what I know now. I am one of the lucky ones who not only carried some friends from high school right through to today but through our reunions, reconnected with more. The biggest lesson learned was that although I hated my skin and my hair and hated all pictures of me then….I look back on them now and all I can see is the wrinkle free skin!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jennifer, Like much of life, high school came with gifts we only see in hindsight. I held on to college friends more than high school for some reason, (married one, in fact), but I now wish I had tried harder to make friends in high school.

  10. I love this post! So much truth and I’m saving this to remind me to tell my daughter all of these things ahead of time when high school rolls around.
    I still have zero desire to attend a reunion, though. Ever. 😀

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Lisa, I always come away from reunions with mixed feelings — both glad I went and somehow disappointed. Yes, I wish I had known all this stuff before high school, but maybe we had to learn it for ourselves.

  11. I often think about how different it would be if you could go back to school and your teens knowing what you do now. But I guess it doesn’t work that way – you wouldn’t be who you are now without going through that developmental not knowing stage, and if you’d known it all then, you’d probably have become a completely different person.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Lucy, In some ways, I wouldn’t be that different if I went back to high school now — knowing what I know. I’d probably be the same quiet, bookish chick I was back then.

  12. Orange juice cans? THAT is creative. How does Bobby looks these days? Wait…is that too shallow? Maybe I am channeling high school

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Anna, Haven’t seen Bobby since 10 years out of high school, so who knows. Maybe he aged gracefully. Yes, orange juice cans were as ridiculous as they sound. Now I wish I just let my hair curl on its own!

  13. I studied 70% of the time and worked the other 30% of the time, so I REALLY wish I had joined things. I used to take piano lessons and had stopped. BIG regret now…looking back I wish I had kept it up. Maybe it’s not too late to pick it up again?

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Darlene, No, its not too late to pick up the piano again! If that’s “calling” to you, I say go for it.

  14. This!!! I was so insecure in HS. It is amazing how much better life is after (well maybe way after) this is what I would tell that person.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Lori, So many of us were insecure in those years. I think its harder on sensitive, introvert types who don’t realize we’re just wired different. It would’ve helped to know that in high school.

  15. Life is the great leveller, isn’t it? Nothing surprised me more than my 22 year reunion. There was a lot of: “You thought that? Really?”

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Diane, I was always astounded by how many popular kids were also insecure. Maybe they just hid it better. Who knew?

  16. This is so interesting, hindsight and perspective are everything aren’t they?
    Now if we could just arm our teens with this knowledge as they enter high school!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Christina, I think, unfortunately, we have to learn most things the hard way. I wish I knew everyone else was insecure in high school (and let’s face it, in life itself), but maybe we need to discover that on our own.

  17. High School Sucked. In theory. I had some great times outside of school, but my school life sucked. I wish I’d known that none of it matters. How popular you are in high school has ZERO impact on your success later in life.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Lisa, So true, although still wish I had joined more groups. I let my shyness hold me back.

  18. I loved my high school and made great friends that I still keep in contact with.

    I would be more open and try to reach out to others. But my study habits were good and I loved being in Chorus and being the photo editor. Good times.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Beth, Sounds like you made the most of those years. Wish I had done the same and joined more.

  19. Love this article! It’s all so true!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Linda, Thanks so much!

  20. I have never traveled to my HS reunion, held over Thanksgiving weekend in MA! I did hear hi-lights from friends and of course Facebook. Yes some of the quietest turned out to be the most successful. When I heard one boy had a PHD and was teaching at a prestigious college my friend and I both said, we didn’t think he was that smart! Recently my sister and I used a lawyer in MA that was a class mate. He was a nice boy growing up and turned into a nice man so it was a no brainer to use him for our legal issues.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Haralee, Its always interesting to see how everyone turned out. Some people were not surprising, but others were totally different than expected.

  21. You are dead on! Although I never rolled my hair in juice cans. I married one of the quiet ones and I was ALL about being popular in high school. What a waste of time. Nobody cares anymore, least of all me. I will share this with my children. Thank you.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lauren, So many things that mattered turned out to be unimportant. But we had to learn that ourselves. Thanks for sharing this with your kids!

  22. This is a great post, I would have told myself that nothing is too bad that it can’t be overcome and to keep heading in a positive direction and stay away from Marines!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Antoinette, Laughing over marine advice! And yes, positive directions are key.

  23. Laurie, I just love your writing. I feel like you were with me in high school and at the reunions! You’re an inspiration for me as a blogger.

    I had many of the same experiences. Yes, high school was tough but I don’t think I realized it at the time. I’m grateful for it all because it’s part of my story and contributed to who I am today.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Ellen, Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot. I think many writers are introverts and probably were a lot alike in high school — bookish and quiet.

  24. I still can’t get over the shock of seeing the little, scrawny nerd from high school that was now the six-foot-four, muscles rippling, Greek God of a man. Yow! Anthony???!!!
    I was fortunate in that I figured out, while still there, that being cool must take a lot of work! Of course, that didn’t stop me from wishing I was…
    I teach teenagers and secretly smile at the worries they have now that, in a few years, won’t even be a blip on the radar. I try to tell them, as tactfully as an almost 64-year-old can. But I don’t know how much actually gets through. I am old, after all! 😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, I see teenagers now and I sense so many insecurities and worries. Of course, what a different world they grow up in, compared to us, at least in this country — endless wars, 9/11, and now all these shootings. My heart breaks for them.

  25. I was pretty much the same in high school as I am now. I do love that the quiet, nerdy ones are the more successful ones. Most of the kids who were cool in high school clearly peeked then too. It’s funny how life balances out.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauen, Its funny how so many cool kids went on to lead normal lives (with exceptions) while some of the very quiet ones became very successful. Not sure what the lesson is there.

  26. Looking back, there is a lot I would change about my high school years. And nothing at all I would change. Those years made me ME and I like me.
    I sure do ache for the stress these high schoolers are under, though. When I went to HS, the worst thing was getting caught chewing gum. Now they have to worry about disease, shootings, drugs, pregnancy, abduction, bullying and the list goes on and on. I love my teenagers. I pray for them every day.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, Couldn’t agree more. My heart breaks when I think of what students (and their parents) have to endure these days. Its too much.

  27. The high school experiences definite rite of passage

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Carol, It was a definite rite of passage. I’d change only a few small things.

  28. You are so dead on with this! By the time you attend your 25th reunion the playing field has leveled. And yes, the “losers” in high school are successful today. The hot guy is now fat and bald and the popular kids peeked in high school. My reunion was cancelled due to Covid and to be honest I was OK with that. 😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, I’ve been to a few and feel like I’m back in high school. Maybe I’ll go to my 50th reunion someday (God willing) but I’ll think about it.

  29. I love this post, Laurie! I wonder what they’re doing now?
    I tried to organize a reunion a couple of years ago.
    Sadly, few were interested…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Diane, That was nice of you to do that. My problem is they always make me feel like I’m back in high school.

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