It should be easy buying a gift for my husband, Randy. He has varied, fun, passionate interests – music, playing bass, wine collecting, and clothes, just to name a few. With a 65th birthday coming up, finding something should be a snap. Instead, it’s a Herculean task. Here are three reasons why…
Randy buys whatever he needs throughout the year – My husband loves to shop, especially online. Like Quick Draw McGraw, it’s impossible to outmaneuver him in the product-buying department. He has the steadiest mouse hand this side of the Mississippi and uses it liberally. Anytime I’ve thought of getting a clothing item for him, he’s already ordered it in several colors, and they’re being delivered at that moment.
I don’t “speak the language” of his hobbies – I hear Randy and my oldest son, Patrick, (who’s also a musician) talk “music gear.” They might as well speak Swahili with conversations about P.A. systems and wah-wah pedals. I wouldn’t know how to buy Randy a new amp or doohickey if I wanted to. And the few times I’ve tried, he ended up discreetly exchanging it for the amp or doohickey he wanted.
It’s hit or miss – Over the years, he’s received tons of wine, online courses, tickets to Broadway shows, concerts, and reservations at fun restaurants. Some were received with great enthusiasm, bulls-eyes. Still, others I could tell, were given polite applause (like when we saw “The Jersey Boys” which I loved, but he was meh about).
Turns out I’m not alone in this dilemma. My sons Patrick, Paul, and I recently confessed we were flummoxed for this big birthday. After conferring, we came up with a simple but brilliant plan.
We asked Randy what he wanted.
“I’d love a lifetime membership in this great Bass Instruction Video Club,” he said.
Excellent! It was a little out of our budget, but Randy deserves it. Not only is he a great husband and father but was all set to have a big birthday bash. We had invited old and new friends and were having it catered with live music and the whole shebang.
And then Covid reared its head…again.
We were told by experts, we can either have the party outside (and be scarily dependent on weather) or have it inside where everyone wears masks. Considering the eating and drinking involved, those masks wouldn’t be on long. If anyone got sick, we would never forgive ourselves.
To our sadness, the party was cancelled.
So now Randy’s having a small family gathering for his big day. Still enjoyable, and sometime in the future, he’ll have his big, splashy gala.
And yet, despite this Covid set-back, I see how my husband is lucky.
At 65, he has family and friends who love him. We’re all (knock on wood) healthy even though a pandemic rages around us. Randy’s retired and lives the life he wants and deserves, after decades of providing for his family, sometimes with serious medical issues.
Yes, it’s nice to come up with the perfect token of our affection, and some years, we’ve come close.
But maybe the best gift of all is a life well-lived. And in that way Randy is, indeed, the man who has everything.
Do you have a man/woman in your life impossible to buy gifts for? Comments are always welcome and if you like, please share.
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Lea Sylvestro
We’ve been away and then doing a lot of babysitting for grandkids since we returned, so I’m just catching up on your blogs. And you have clearly hit on a problem common to us all. Men are impossible to buy for – particularly now that we’ve been married for decades and have pretty much covered the gift possibilities. I’ve given Dave a couple of gift certificates to Massage Envy, but they remain, unused…he forgets he has them. What HAS been fun is surprise get-aways. Not a big production, but a night at The Griswold in Essex (I think you two would LOVE Chantey Night on Mondays) or a jaunt to a cute B & B in the Hudson River Valley…or Wing’s Castle in Milbrook, NY. When it works, those have been really fun. XO
Laurie Stone
Lea, What wonderful ideas. A nightly getaway would be a lot of fun. Thank you!
Meryl
I find it challenging finding something hub really likes. But we keep birthdays low key. But I did throw him a party for his 65th – a pre-covid event at a restaurant with close friends and family. It was special.
Laurie Stone
Meryl, That’s so nice that your husband had a nice celebration. Maybe that’s all he needed.
Lauren
Happy Birthday to Randy! Covid sucks but now that expensive gift won’t seem so bad. He deserves it. And you know he will love it! My husband’s birthday is today and he has a BIG one next year. I will for sure be in the same boat. He’s hard a hard gift nut to crack.
Laurie Stone
Lauren, Laughing. Great way to put it… hard gift nut to crack.
Lynn Haraldson
My partner told me – on the day of my birthday – that I was hard to shop for. After nine years and some really spot-on, awesome gifts from him, he said he ran out of ideas. That’s OK, I said. We spent the day together, that’s all I really wanted. Then the other day (two weeks after my birthday), a package arrived addressed to him. He called me and said to open it, that it was really for me. It was a weather station. A weather station! Weirdest yet most geek-love gift I’ve ever received! He DOES still get me 🙂
Laurie Stone
Lynn, He sounds like a great guy. How cool about the weather station. He gets you indeed!
Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski
I have a hard time shopping for my daughter because she has everything and can afford it. She’s very stylish too, so it’s intimidating. We both love experiences, though, like traveling and I spend a lot of time babysitting her dog so she can travel. It works.
Laurie Stone
Rebecca, I think babysitting her dog is a wonderful gift. She can relax knowing “Grandma” is watching out for her beloved fur baby.
1010ParkPlace
I agree with Carol. An experience is something new and different. One of my best birthday’s was planned by some friends of mine. We all got into my car, and I was to drive and follow the directions they’d typed up for me: Turn right out of the driveway. Take a left at the “New Homes” sign. Drive for three-quarters of a mile and take a right at the nail salon…. This went on for 30 minutes. The last stop was a quaint cafe in the country where we had lunch. It was such fun! It’s a lot of prep work for the people who lay out the instructions, but 30 years later, it’s still my favorite birthday. xoxox, Brenda
Laurie Stone
Brenda, That sounds awesome! To have friends who would go to that sort of planning and make your day special are keepers.
Suzanne Martella
Hi Laurie and Happy Birthday Randy!
Laurie, love reading your column/blog
Laurie Stone
Suzanne, So great to hear from you! Thank you so much for reading. Hope you’re doing well and life is good.
Adela
Whaat!!! You can buy a Lordship!?! I have the same problem with my Loved-One. He doesn’t need anything. And for the past two birthdays he hasn’t wanted to go anywhere. I have a plan to move his basement office into an airy room with a porch. But, I need some help form stronger arms than mine.
Anyways, being able to buy what you want when you want it is a enviable problem to have.
Laurie Stone
Adela, Yes, having “too much” is a problem much of the world wouldn’t know. We never our good fortune for granted. Hope your husband gets his airy room!
Diane
Ohmyword, the dilemma! I have an equally difficult time finding something for Husby. He, too, loves to shop and whatever I come up with, he has already gotten. Sigh.
This year, I bought him a Lordship from Scotland. I’m having his certificate framed. If you need him in the future, please direct your questions or remarks to Lord Grant Tolley.
And your husby is many times blessed…He has you!
Laurie Stone
Diane, Leave it to you to find an amazing gift! Is your husband Scottish? That’s so cool. And thank you for the kind words.
Jane Carroll
We do face difficult decisions during this time. Sometimes I just want to say… forget all the precautions and go for it… but like you I would not wish to bring harm to others. Kudos on making your decision and Happy Birthday to Randy. He sounds like a wonderful man.
Laurie Stone
Jane, He is wonderful! Yes, the party was a tough decision, but it felt right.
Pam
I have exactly the same problem. My husband has very specific interests, and it’s really really difficult to buy for him. His 60th birthday is in a couple of days. So, he requested a few baked goods that he loves and a couple of outings. I’m hoping to pick up a surprise for him, too – if I can find a book he might like. That is usually a winner!
Laurie Stone
Pam, It should get easier but it seems to get harder. Sounds like you have a lovely birthday planned for your husband.
Carol Cassara
I’ve found experiences are wonderful gifts. A picnic at the beach is a favorite.
Laurie Stone
Carol, Love that idea!