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We’ve had our cat Rocky almost 16 years, the longest of any animal in our marriage. Now 81 in human time, he’s stone-deaf and arthritic. His once-supple spine feels ridged. One day Rocky was the new kitty on the block, brash and bold. Now he’s elderly. The other day we discovered something that may signal his end is nearer than we thought.

We found a marble-sized lump behind his ear. I brought him to the vet who said it’s probably a cyst. “Still you never know,” he said. “The only way to find out is open it and see what’s in there.”

I shuddered to think of Rocky on the surgical table, given anesthesia while the doctor investigates.

That night, we had a family meeting. We wondered what was most humane. Should we try and prolong Rocky’s life through medical intervention? Or should we let nature take its course?

Coincidentally, I recently read excerpts from Barbara Ehrenreich’s new book, “Natural Causes.” At 76, she’s decided not to seek any more medical attention. “I’ve earned the right to decide when to die,” she said. She stresses this is not a suicide pact. She will go to the doctor with any alarming symptoms, but won’t seek any more screenings, including mammograms, colonoscopies, and routine blood work.

She’s had cancer once and a round of chemotherapy. This time, if the cancer returns, she won’t seek treatment. Instead, she’ll live out her life doing what she loves. “I’d rather relax with family and friends or take a long walk than sit in a doctor’s waiting room.”

I find this attitude courageous. In the West, we treat death as something to be vanquished, to be put off as long as possible, using all measures.

The East takes a more relaxed view, accepting dying as an inevitable part of life.

And I know comparing an animal’s demise to a human’s is a stretch. Yet what Barbara Ehrenreich says still applies. At what point is it best to let nature take its course?

We decided the kindest thing for Rocky is to do nothing. Why put him through a scary medical procedure? If he were young, it would be different. But at this age, risks are great and recovery would be long, if at all.

Meanwhile, this geriatric cat is happy. He still comes into our bedroom each morning at sunrise giving a noisy MEOOOWWW!! (Because he’s deaf, he can’t hear how loud he is).

He still has a good appetite. He still loves sitting on the back of his favorite living room chair, the one that lets him see birds in the backyard. He still hops on the kitchen counter to investigate an open tub of butter. Why not let him live out his final time as comfortably as possible?

Some day the morning will come when he no longer announces he wants breakfast. He won’t be able to jump on his chair or the counter. Stiffness and pain will overtake Rocky. Only then will we make that final trip to the vet, which we’ve done for all our pets.

The other day he sat on my lap. I patted his thin body. He purred and looked at me, slowly blinking his eyes. I’ll miss this kitty. Rocky’s been with us longer than any animal. The first day we got him, he was so little he could fit on my outstretched palms. He had a bad cold and I worried he wouldn’t make it through the night. But he did.  His passing will be the end of an era, as all our pets’ deaths are.

We humans have also gotten older. Time moves on for all.

But for now, I still have Rocky.

And in the meantime, all I can do is give him the strongest and kindest medicine I know…love.

 

(P.S.  Rocky died peacefully in January, 2019).

 

 

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Comments(52)

    • Colette Griffin

    • 6 years ago

    I LOVE every piece that you write Laurie… you truly capture emotions and truths that ring so true making me smile, laugh and now today… cry! My eyes swelled such that I could hardly finish reading this loving and poignant piece about our aging companion animals and even our own aging. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly. I too have been with each and every one of my dogs and cats when their time came to cross the rainbow bridge… I feel so lucky to share their last moments, to hold them tight and to be able to say thank you for making every day better.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Colette, I can’t think of luckier pets than yours! You’re such a wonderful “mom” to all your fur babies.

  1. I did the same for both my wonderful dog Mickey and my cat Spencer…they can not tell us what they want so we do the best we can for them…and I will do the same for myself when the time comes…no need to put anyone human or animal through a lot of horrible stuff if they are just going to die anyway…just love them…after all that is what we all want…human or animal..

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Renee, I agree. The end of life should be peaceful as possible (for both pets and humans), not full of stressful medical procedures.

  2. I realized this the hard way: Sometimes in trying to help, we just make things worse. I totally support your decision. Be happy, Rocky!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Diane, Thank you. As long as Rocky is happy, that’s what we look for.

    • Patty E

    • 6 years ago

    We just did this with our rescued Boxer Abby. She developed a lump under her jaw. We saw the vet who did a needle biopsy and determined she had lymphoma. On-line sites gave her 6-8 weeks , untreated, 1-2 yrs with treatment. We gave her immune support capsules with her meals and stopped the monthly flea, tick and heartworm meds. She lived 7 additional happy and playful months and only had 2 days of feeling ill. We were happy with our decision😃. Good luck❤

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Patty, I always wonder about those flea and tick medications. My pets have always had them, but I imagine they’re full of chemicals. Sounds like you made the right decision. How old was your dog? If Rocky was younger, I might consider other options.

  3. I agree on both counts…your adored Rocky and our decisions as people to seek or not see medical advice/treatment at a certain point in our lives. When and if that time comes for me, I know that I will choose to live every day and enjoy it to the fullest until the Lord calls me home. Thanks for sharing.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Candi, Makes complete sense to me. Why go through medical torture if its not worth it?

  4. I like you even more than I did for having this loving, gentle attitude toward Rocky’s right to a good life for as long as possible. You’re a sweet person. I wish him, and you, peace.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Susan, Thanks so much! Rocky’s easy to love.

  5. We just had to take our little Jack Russel terrier on her final trip to the vet a few weeks ago. I still miss her like crazy! But it was time. A to Z Challenge – L is for Learn Something New!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Shirley, I can’t imagine having to take our little terrier Libby for that final visit. They’re so full of life and energy. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  6. Laurie, this is so beautiful and moving. Of course, you know it hits me right where I live. I think your decision is brave, wise and loving.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Carol, I know you’ve been through your own grieving lately and I’m sorry. Looks like you’ve adopted two beautiful little pups who needed a home. They’ll be a big help.

  7. What a wonderful pet owner you are. Such a thoughtful piece. I’ve only experienced the death of two pets growing up. Dogs. I gave into getting my kids a dog six years ago. Lifespan around 10. So hard to think about that day that will inevitably come.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Julie, That’s the tough thing about pets. They have much shorter life spans. Children see the life cycle up close. A sad lesson, but valuable.

  8. A tough decision no one wants to make. I think you are doing the right thing by Rocky. He’ll let you know when it is time.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Janis, I agree. As long as he’s happy, that’s all that matters.

  9. I would be doing the exact thing you’re doing. In fact, I’ve even decided for myself that there are some things I’m not subjecting myself to either. I wish us all days that are filled with love and happiness however long they may be.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Shelley, How beautiful! And I agree about being careful about what we subject ourselves to. Some things aren’t worth it.

  10. I know what you mean about the end of an era. Last year I put my family members, Sam and Molly to sleep. They’d seen me through the death of my husband, James, and now they, too, are gone. As Molly and I approached the vet’s office, she went from standing in backseat, looking out the window, to slumped on the seat and unable to get out of the car on her own. It was apparent this loving dog had stayed as long as she did for me. Such love and loyalty our dogs and cats show us. Amazing love and loyalty, and we should respond in kind… just like you’re doing. xoxox, Brenda

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Brenda, Thank you. Its all about quality of life at the end, for humans and animals.

  11. Beautiful story Laurie. Our family had a cat named Calico for 18 years and it was so hard to let her go. She moved with the family 8 times – like a trooper! My husband is allergic to cats, otherwise, I’d have one sitting on my lap every night. Good choice you’re making for your baby Rocky!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Emily, Thank you. Your kitty Calico sounds so sweet. What would we do without our fur babies?

  12. How strange – growing up, my parent’s cat was also called Rocky! We first encountered our Rocky when our doorbell rang one evening and as my dad answered it, nobody was there but on the doorstep was a small shoebox. Inside the shoebox was a small kitten, “Rocky” – he fitted comfortably in the palm of my dad’s hand. We kept him & at first Rocky used to climb into my dad’s shirt pockets to sleep! He stayed with us for almost 20 years. In fact my older children called my parents “Nanny & Grandad Rocky”, after the cat 😊

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Linda, That’s amazing! I love how your Rocky climbed into your Dad’s pockets. Twenty years is a long time for a kitty. He sounded so sweet.

  13. Your posting made me think a bit more about my grandfather and my cat, Pietro, who is old. You are awesome. Gratitude for sharing your story.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Martha, Thank you for the kind words. Yes, feelings can get mixed toward the end of life, for both humans and animals.

  14. Oh, I’m such a bleeding heart for animals. I will be praying for little Rocky–for whatever is best. My dog just had surgery and thank God it wasn’t cancer–she is only 6. They are furry angels, aren’t they?

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Kristine, Six is young for a dog needing an operation. Thank God it wasn’t cancer. They are furry angels, indeed.

  15. Laurie, your Rocky reminds me of my Kenji, my beloved pooch who passed away back in 2015. He was close to 17, and he crossed over the Rainbow Bridge while my husband and I were away in the Netherlands. A few months prior, he’d had some sort of seizure; he couldn’t walk and we were afraid that was it for him. He miraculously recovered, and then passed 5 months later. We love our fur babies so much. Cherish the time with Rocky, and when he crossed the Rainbow Bridge, the wonderful memories will warm your heart. Thank you for this lovely post.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Valerie, The image of Rocky crossing the Rainbow Bridge gave me goosebumps. Sounds like you gave Kenji lots of love, which is what all animals want. Seventeen is a good long life for a dog.

  16. I so agree with you Laurie. For me and my cats! If I reach 83 that is the age I give now, may lower it, I say goodbye to doctors and treatments and live my life until I don’t. May be a wish but…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Haralee, I’m with you. I don’t want a lot of awful treatments for the sake of another year or a few months. I know its easy to say now, but that’s how I feel.

  17. What a difficult decision to have to make. Death of a loved one, or a beloved pet, is so hard to accept. We lost my sister three years ago to cancer, and we are still struggling to come to terms with it. The key is indeed to enjoy the time you have left with your beloved pet. You will treasure all the memories for a long time to come.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Darlene, Thank you. Happy to report, Rocky is still here, weak and frail, but seemingly happy. I’m so sorry for your sister. That’s a terrible loss.

  18. We had a very similar experience with our blind, mostly deaf and arthritic cat who became ill. I’m sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is, but no doubt you made the right decision. Your family and Rocky were lucky to have each other for 16 years.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Shari, Thank you. I’m happy to report that Rocky is still here, but weak and frail. Still, he seems happy for now. We keep an eye on him.

  19. I have a 14-year old chihuahua. He’s still pretty spry. He’s had some issues with indigestion and some back pain but so far, so good. I think you made a wise decision. Why put an older animal through torture like surgery or treatments if their quality of life will be disturbed.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Rebecca, Your chihuahua sounds so sweet! I say as long as they’re happy, keep them here. Rocky is still with us, very thin, but still surprisingly spry and cheerful.

  20. […] and bold. Now he’s elderly. The other day Laurie discovered something that may signal Rocky’s end is nearer than she […]

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Thank you, Jennifer!

  21. One of my dogs is 15 and eight months. He’s diabetic and needs daily shots but otherwise is doing pretty well aside from occasional aches and pains that require medication. At this point, if he gets cancer or something else that’s bad, I’d rather he live out his life naturally without intrusive support. Having just gone through taking care of someone who had endless rounds of chemo, I understand the woman who just wants to let life take its course. It’s brutal.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Rebecca, I’d find that a very tough decision, whether to undergo chemo or not. I’ve seen people go through hell but come out the other side, better than ever and I’ve seen people succumb. Sounds like your dog still has a good life, despite the diabetes. Hope things get easier for you. Let’s all somehow survive 2020!

  22. Thank you for sharing this philosophy and these memories. Rocky sounds like a treasure. We have a cat going on 23, so yeah — I can relate!! I also didn’t know that about Barbara Ehrenrich — her book Nickel and Dimed is one of the most thought-provoking books I’ve ever read.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Paula, OMG. 23 is amazingly elderly for a cat! Good for you, you must be doing something right to keep kitty going so long.

  23. Our rule has always been ‘when they’re not having fun anymore’. Such a hard decision.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Diane, That’s a good rule, for animals and maybe for humans!

  24. We recently had to put to sleep our dog. It was a hard thing to do because we had the dog longer than we had 3 of our 4 children. At the same time, it was better for her because she had cancer and was suffering. Death is a natural part of life, but it is hard to see a family pet go.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Janeane, Yes, death is a part of life, but you’re right, it’s still hard. Sounds like your pet had a long, good life and that’s what matters.

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