Does Anyone Else Struggle With These 6 Embarrassments?

Let’s face it. We all have aspects of ourselves we keep hidden. You think you’re the only person who has this strange list of defects. But are you? Here are 6 flaws of my own I’ve tried improving over the years to no avail…

Still can’t parallel park – I’ve been driving for over 40 years and it still takes me half an hour to end up along the sidewalk. The last time I tried, a woman happened to be walking by when finally (after 17 attempts) I eased my car into the spot. I got out, knowing she had seen the whole thing. She grinned. “I thought I was bad,” she said.

I couldn’t even be offended. Instead, I shrugged and laughed. Even with back-up cameras and sensors, I struggle. I can almost feel the car rolling its headlights in exasperation. Does anyone else have this problem?

Still love to swing – No, not that kind of swinging. I’m talking about kids’ playground swings. This fall we were in California. I was on a lovely beach in the morning and there was this empty swing set shimmering in the distance. I looked around. No one was there.

Before I knew it I was sitting on that seat, legs pumping, sailing into the air. It was wonderful and liberating and fun. Then a mother and child came along and it got awkward. But for a while, it was cool. Does anyone else sometimes turn into a five year old?

Still can’t listen to music in the car without singing along – The other day I was doing a beautiful rendition of “Vision of Love” by Mariah Carey. The crowd loved it. I hit every note. I wasn’t too pitchy. Then I pulled up to a streetlight and noticed a woman in the next lane looking at me, quizzically.

That’s when I had to think fast. I pretended I was talking on blue tooth, but knew I’d been busted. Does anyone else have these “Please earth, swallow me” moments?

Still hate driving in snow – Hey, I’ve only lived in New England… okay, my whole life. Still, I was traumatized when I had to drive my kids to school on snowy mornings. I’m surprised they didn’t seek counseling after having this panicked, hysterical mother go embarrassing slow, crying the whole way.

Now, I don’t care if its flurries. I’m staying put. And yes, I know intrepid souls who drive in blizzards without batting an eye. Nothing stops them, especially “a few flakes.” Not me. Does anyone else have snow-phobia?

Still talk to myself more than is psychologically healthy – This can also lead to awkward moments. Sometimes I’m having a conversation with someone. I’m witty and droll. The other person is charmed. Or maybe it’s a political debate where every point I make is astoundingly brilliant. Then a third person walks into the room and I remember that second person doesn’t exist. These moments are like being caught with your hand in someone’s wallet. There’s no graceful way to get out of it, except maybe tell the truth.

“Sorry, sometimes I chat to myself,” I’ll tell this person with a self-conscious grin. They’ll give a polite nod while backing out of the room. Does anyone else do this?

Still weep at the end of the “Wizard of Oz” — I know this is random, but saw this movie the other night. There are several trigger moments. First, when Dorothy says goodbye to her fellow travelers before getting on that ill-fated balloon. (Fun fact: Supposedly Judy Garland got Ray Bolger, Jack Haley, and Burt Lahr unexpectedly crying because she played the scene so poignantly).

Then there’s the last scene when she wakes up in her own bedroom. And those final words… “Home! And this is my room — and you’re all here! And I’m not going to leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all! And — Oh, Auntie Em — there’s no place like home!” (*sniffle*).

I’ve watched this with adults who end the movie cool and dry-eyed. Meanwhile, I’m a wreck. Does anyone else go through a box of tissues with touching movie moments?

And yes…I know, this a strange assemblage of quirks and flaws. But maybe that’s the point. We’re all a mess in our own way. Maybe some are simply better at hiding it than others.

To that end, I’ve decided I’ll contemplate this subject while sitting in my Connecticut living room watching snow falling outside.

And guess where I’m going later? You got it. Nowhere.

 

 

Does anyone else have embarrassing quirks? Can you relate to any of these? Comments are always welcome and if you like, please share. Thank you.