14 Comments

  1. I watched my mom work things out for my grandparents when they needed assistance. They did have in-home aides for a while. Some of the aides were good, some not. That was a VERY stressful time. I've always felt there is a much needed niche to fill around where I live in regards to GOOD and AFFORDABLE eldercare.

  2. Yes, its such a stressful time, especially for my Mom. We've been lucky with the aides, all of them have been good so far. I hope this continues since my Mom needs them so much.

  3. Oh, I'm so glad your mom found a third option, and that your dad's aides are good people. What a gift that you recognize her needs as a caregiver. I'm sure your support means the world to her.

  4. Caregivers had it much harder than most of us realize. It was the opposite in my family. My father cared for my mother. A long and difficult time for him and they didn’t have the money or resources to hire the quality of help it sounds like your family did. Unfortunately, by the time she passed Dad had let his own health slip and that took him about 3 years later. I’m so hoping that things change in the future for people and caregivers in ways that work for the majority regardless of whether the family has money.

    • Laurie Stone

      Kathy, So true about aides costing money. Fortunately, for my parents, so much was covered by Medicare. I’m not sure what they would’ve done otherwise. I’m sorry about your Dad. Sounds like he gave his all. Thank you for reading.

  5. A friend sent this to me because my parents in the same position. Such a good post. All so well described. I wish I couldn’t relate, but I do.

    • Laurie Stone

      Cathy, So sorry about losing both your parents in the same year. How hard that must have been. I wish you all the best. Thank you for reading.

  6. I’ve just finished reading Atul Gawande’s wonderful book, Being Mortal. He writes a lot about the importance of that third option and how it makes it possible for many of us to give our spouse or parent what you so perfectly called a ‘final gift.’
    It made me feel so happy to hear your parents were able to piece together that third option. It is so remarkably unavailable to so many people–which is the point Gawande makes.
    BTW: I, too, had a team of Jamaican women help care for my mother. Their kindness, intuitive sense of caring and respect forf older people are something I will never fail to appreciate and remember.

    • Laurie Stone

      I have that book on my kindle, “Being Mortal.” So many people recommended it. And yes, my Mom and I will never forget the kindness of my Dad’s aides. They made his final years so much easier. Thank you for reading.

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