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The other day my 24 year-old son Patrick invited me to watch a video featuring a band he had played with at a recent gig. When finished, my first response (part mother, part honest) was, “They’re good, but your band’s better.”

My son gave me a disappointed look. “We’re not about who is better, Mom. We’re all good. We support each other.  That’s what artists do. It’s not about competition.  When everyone is encouraged, then everyone wins.”

Well, shut my mouth. I felt like we were Andy Taylor and Opie on the front porch, except I was Opie. All we needed was the guitar and Aunt Bee.

But I realized something. Patrick was right. A true artist does appreciate the work of others. There should be no sharp elbows in creativity, no jostling for position and feelings of superiority.

It got me pondering.

For the most part, I think I succeed at this. I’m truly happy for my friends’ victories.

Still, there are moments.

For instance, I can’t help feel a little green when I read the latest “Modern Love” essay in the New York Times written by a 26 year old; or that writer who just published her 10th best-selling novel; or that artist lauded for lifetime achievement.

In this world that loves celebrity of every kind, it’s easy to feel insecure and lacking, which brings on the next emotion – competition — with its comparisons and jibes and meanness.

Lately I’ve been trying to learn from envy. Instead of envisioning success as a constant crawl up a steep mountain, what if we accepted where we were? What if that more successful person is simply meant to be that way? What if it’s their fate or karma?

What if it’s your fate or karma to be where you are?

When I think of that notion, a strange thing happens. It doesn’t bring on the fear, resentment or bitterness I’d expect. On the contrary, it brings peace and even gratitude.

If it’s all decided, I can relax.

Letting go doesn’t mean we give up our dreams. It means we give up the struggle, the ego part of our dreams. We do it simply for love.

Some of the best painters, writers and musicians I know are people little known in the wider world. They do what they do because they need to. They do it because it makes them happy.

Yes, I realized something that day listening to my son.

Real creativity comes with helping and supporting others, forming a community of like-minded people. But it also comes with accepting and respecting our own part of the journey, wherever it might be.

Maybe success is preordained.  Maybe it’s not.   Or maybe its somewhere in between.

At the very least, it’s so much easier letting go and enjoying the ride.  I’m grateful my son helped me remember that.

 

Do you have smart kids who teach you life lessons? Comments are always welcome and if you’d like to receive postings by email, just enter your address at the bottom.  Thank you as always for reading and sharing….

Comments(24)

  1. Wonderfu and so true!

  2. Thank you, Ann.

  3. Don't you love that we continuously learn life lessons? Excellent perspective from your son. I think we all suffer from a bit of envy at times, it's how we choose to deal with it that matters. Wonderful piece, Laurie, that has me thinking…

  4. Thanks for reading!

  5. Isn’t it incredible? We just never learn it all. And some of our teachers are the smallest people! D is for Dogged Determination #Build a Better Blog

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Shirley, I’m embarrassed to admit how much my kids have taught me. At times, they’re so much wiser.

  6. I’ve come to realize, Laurie, that life lessons can come from anywhere. And isn’t it great when that lesson comes from the least expected source? Your son is a smart young man!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Valerie, You’re right, lessons do come from everywhere. As mothers, its an extra charge to hear wise words coming from someone we raised! Love that.

  7. And now he’s helped us remember that!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Diane, Being in these wonderful blog groups has shown me how everyone supports each other. The camaraderie is fantastic and exactly what Patrick was referring to.

  8. I have five wonderful children and I am in awe every time I learn something new from them. They not only grew up with me I grew up with them.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Suzanne, That’s a great way to put it. Maybe our children raise us as much as we raise them!

  9. I believe there is room enough in the sky for every star to shine. When I feel envious of another person’s success, I remember this. We are not diminished by the sparkle of someone else, and if we let that inspire us to shine brighter, we all win.

    Cheers,
    Margot

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Margot, I love that. Its easy to see life with a “lack” mentality, when there’s enough for everyone. I try to learn from my envy.

  10. Laurie I think as I’ve watched my son handle his own life, I’ve seen how wisdom is hard to come by. And how curiosity and openness and as you say, letting go can lead you to a quieter, calmer places, where if there’s something to be learned, it doesn’t have to hit you quite so hard in the face. He’s so much more mature than I was at his age about many things. I think we all have our own bit of wisdom. As a therapist, I learn from my patients every day. Thanks for such a thought-provoking post.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Margaret, I’m astounded by the wisdom and maturity of this young generation. In some ways, they’ve been freer than in past decades. Unlike past generations, they’ve been allowed to figure out who they are before having to get married and have children. So many generations before (if not all) never had that option.

  11. There’s wisdom in unexpected places, and there’s also the capacity to be able to respond to it. It’s so good when the two come together!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Lucy, I love how much our children teach us. That’s always a proud moment.

  12. I call these BIG lessons from life’s little moments. Thx for sharing.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Leah, Thanks for reading!

  13. Oh my Laurie I totally get it. I was just about ready to make a very snarky remark about a person when another family member said something positive! Artists and entrepreneurs have to have thick skin for all the rejection but when others of the same ilk support them, it is wonderful.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      So true, Haralee. I’ve become so fond of fellow bloggers… such as yourself! Its wonderful to see the support and inspiration.

  14. When the teacher becomes the student. It’s a beautiful thing!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Diane, So proud of both my sons who have become my teachers!

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