5 Surprising Ways of Self-Care

One great thing about being around this planet a while is how self-acceptance gets easier, not harder. By mid-life, most of us know who we are and what we stand for. And yet certain bonus points come along even later in life, way after that half-century mark. They’re wonderful to remember, even freeing …

You don’t have to convince everyone—In my younger days, I felt it my duty to express my opinion—whether politics, religion, or the quality of Madonna’s latest hit—and try and convert people to my side. It was important that everyone knew where I stood, even if it meant some awkward moments (okay, many awkward moments). But now, I’ve learned to relax and nod politely if someone says something that makes me want to tear my hair out. Fighting, even debating, takes more energy than I have. So, I’m quiet and its easier.

You don’t have to keep up with everyone—I’ve written before about being an introvert. Some people identify completely. Others (like my extroverted husband, Randy) roll their eyes and put up with my inward-directed quirkiness. I now must store my social energy like nuts for the winter—an hour-long visit here, a three-hour dinner there, a loud, crowded party in very small doses. I’m always happy I’ve gone. I love our family and friends, but I need to recharge and that can take time. Before, I felt something was wrong with me. Now I see it’s just the way I’m wired.

You don’t have to like everyone—Especially as a female, we’re socialized to, if not adore all people, at least pretend we do. Of course, politeness is a good thing, but there are those we meet that we just don’t get. Even worse, it can be a person that everyone else loves! While everyone is madly laughing at their joke or the story they’re telling about their cat, you want to shrivel and die. I’ve given myself permission to stay away from people who vex my soul, even if I don’t know why. They just do. And what do you know? I’m happier.

You don’t need everyone to like you—Most of us can intuit when we’re not on someone’s “favorite person” list. We’re all animals after all, and we’re programmed primally to sense a non-friendly being. In my old days, I’d bend over backwards to get this person to come around—be extra nice or funny or accommodating. I’d laugh at a cutting remark or left-handed compliment. Then it dawned on me, I don’t need them in my life. Now I shrug it off and let it go. Human beings are complicated and sometimes we’ll never know why we don’t make the A-list. Oh well.

You don’t need to compare—This is a tough one. Especially as a writer, we’re constantly hearing about 35-year-olds on their 3^rd best-selling novel. It happens. No matter how above it all we try and be, it’s hard not to look to the left and right. Some of the best musicians I know are local and will probably never play Madison Square Garden (even though I think they should). Most accept that, and each other’s journeys with grace and good cheer. I love that. As Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

All these boil down to one thing: being gentle on yourself. When you feel those clenches of envy, or anger or social fatigue, it’s okay to let it all go. After all, that’s what bonus points are for.

Do you find yourself doing any of the above? Comments are always welcome and if you’d like to receive posts in your in-box, just press here. Thank you!