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Don’t you hate when you try and do something nice, but it takes a dicey turn? This happened when I bought two tickets for my husband Randy and me to see “The Monterey Jazz Festival on Tour” at our local music venue. It wasn’t our usual fare, but everything at this theater is good, so we thought what the heck. We got to the concert, gave our tickets, arrived at our seats… to a big problem.

My husband is very tall with arthritic knees and doesn’t fold easily into theater chairs. I had spent time online to make sure I had selected the perfect seat for him with lots of legroom. That meant sitting in the very front row, I figured, in front of the stage, where he could easily put out his legs and be comfortable.

Except…there wasn’t enough room. To my horror, the seats were right before the solid wall of the stage. Any other seat, where he could tuck his feet under the chair in front, would’ve been better. Sitting on the aisle, poor Randy had to extend his long legs to the left while twisting his torso, neck, and head to the right to see the show.

Frustratingly, across the way, sat the perfect chair with nothing in front of it. The one beside it was also empty. Like an oasis in the desert, we kept watching these seats hopefully, as people took their places before the show. We also knew there was no intermission.

Finally, the curtain came up. The Monterey Jazz Festival performers came out, four musicians and two singers, full of raucous scatting, bebop tunes, roaring sax, tinkling piano, beat-keeping drums, and plunking upright bass. All the while, Randy and I kept watching the seats across the aisle, which no one claimed.

Any other time, Randy would’ve loved this fun, high-energy act, but he wasn’t content or comfortable. And that’s when you realize in marriage, your partner’s happiness (or unhappiness) is yours too. Watching Randy’s pain and unease, kept me from enjoying the show as well. While the six Monterey Jazz musicians played to a full, enthused house, Randy and I sat there, miserable.

Although the seats across the aisle remained tantalizingly empty, we knew switching quickly and gracefully could be tricky. We were right in front, hundreds of people behind us who would see every move. As the performers spoke and entertained the crowd onstage, we didn’t want to distract them. Even worse was the thought that if we grabbed those cherished seats, their rightful owners might show up late and we’d be kicked out in front of the entire audience!

But one thing I’ve learned about my husband of forty-three years: Randy is not a man easily discouraged. Partway through the show, he took a chance. During a loud lull with lots of applause and distraction onstage, he stood stiffly and hurried, as best he could, to the seat across the way. I quickly grabbed my purse and followed. An elderly gentleman behind the new seats had put his straw hat on my chair and quickly whisked it away before I sat on it. He smiled. “Sorry,” I whispered.

I took a deep breath as Randy settled in, fully facing the stage, his legs finally comfortable. I snuggled close, happy and relieved, as we watched the rest of the show.

It turned into a good night, after all. Disaster had been averted. My husband was now happy. And so was I.

 

Have you found yourself in a situation where your partner is unhappy, and you can’t relax? Comments are always welcome and if you’d like to receive posts by email, just press here. Thank you for reading!

Comments(22)

    • Alana

    • 3 weeks ago

    In a previous comment I mentioned how my spouse accommodates my needs for sitting without complaint. Now it’s my turn, as my spouse currently has physical issues requiring use of a walker. We haven’t tried to go to a concert or like event because it isn’t part of my lifestyle but I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to do what you need to do. You’ve set a great example for us.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 weeks ago

      Alana, Thank you. I wouldn’t always recommend seat-shifting, but we were lucky it worked!

    • Pennie Nichols

    • 3 weeks ago

    Since I first read this, I have done the same. Maybe your story inspired me? We were in the Orpheum Theater nosebleed seats and some friends who were on the third row from the stage texted that there were some empty seats next to them. We tumbled right down for them, but I admit, I was often looking over my shoulder when I say movement in my peripheral…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 weeks ago

      Pennie, Yes, it can be a little nerve-wracking!

    • Alana

    • 8 months ago

    It may be more the opposite with my husband and me. I have back issues and some seats would just destroy my back. My spouse has never, ever once complained. For example, I had a bad experience at Doubleday Field at the Baseball Hall of Fame and their seating for the Old Timers Game. I stuck it out as long as I could for his sake but I think it was pretty obvious to him. We never did go back for another one.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 months ago

      Alana, Sounds like you have a sweet, understanding husband.

  1. It always feels awkward when someone is uncomfortable. You just can’t enjoy yourself as much.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 years ago

      Rebecca, So true!

  2. All. The. Time. My husband is tall too and we love to go see live music. If he was uncomfortable I would feel horribly and we would have done exactly what you did! Move! Last week my husband and I went to see a concert at Madison Square Garden. One we waited months for and paid dearly for the tickets. The first few songs the sound was so bad we looked at each other like “what?” Thankfully they fixed it by the forth song. We might have left…very upset.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 years ago

      Lauren, So surprised that would happen at MSG! Glad they fixed it.

  3. My husband is tall as well. I always try to find seats where he can sit with his legs out. Usually, we get an end seat where there isn’t one in front of him. Not easy to find, but it’s possible…most of the time. When we lived in CT, we had specific seats that we always picked for the Bushnell.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 years ago

      Jennifer, So glad I”m not alone in the tall husband department!

    • Lea Sylvestro

    • 2 years ago

    Totally. Our tastes are very different – in movies and TV. I can feel Dave’s dislike of something (that I am probably enjoying) like a cloud closing in. Like you, my focus on whatever the entertainment is gives way to discomfort regarding Dave’s mood. Sigh. Often, he’ll go upstairs, fall asleep, or go into an adjacent movie theater if there’s a better option. I’m so glad your evening was salvaged by those empty seats! XO

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 years ago

      Lea, Thanks so much! I’ve also changed movies if we’re in a multiplex and I don’t like the movie we’re in. Especially if it has too much violence for me.

  4. Glad the better seats were empty and y’all were able to enjoy the music. Sounds like this was meant to be! I think in most happy marriages, whenever one’s other half isn’t happy, well — how can you be when he isn’t? Mona

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 years ago

      Mona, So true. The reverse has been true too. Happy wife, happy life!

  5. So often we are way too concerned about what others might think… If I had been sitting behind you and you and Randy stood to take the better seats, I would have thought “good for them” and if possible, given you a thumbs up. Glad Randy took the chance.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 years ago

      Pennie, I would think the same thing. I’d never begrudge someone getting more comfortable.

  6. Ohmyword, yes! If Husby’s not happy, I can’t relax at all!
    I’m so very glad it worked out!
    Here, if there are empty seats, there is a general exodus during intermission–or any lull. In fact my daughter, who works in theatre, always buys the cheapest seats, then watches for the unfilled and takes them. She’s snagged some beauties!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 years ago

      Diane, Great idea! Forgot to mention, there was probably no intermission. Just added that!

  7. That really WAS a close call!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 years ago

      Carol, Yes!

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