When Alexa Rebels

Ever since my gadget-loving husband Randy brought an Amazon “Alexa” home in 2014, I’ve had mixed feelings about this device. Yes, it’s nice having any song played instantly, or getting a recipe for easy chili, or finding out how long Frank Sinatra was married to Ava Gardner. But lately, our Alexa is starting to remind me of that strange HAL 9000 computer in the film “2001: A Space Odyssey.” Unexplainable things keep happening…. 

Phantom alarms – Every weekday morning at 7:00 a.m., Alexa plays the national news in our living room. That’s nice, except for one problem. We don’t want the national news played in our living room at 7:00 a.m., sometimes loudly. We hear the latest litany of woe from our bedroom and have tried everything in ‘Alexa-speak’ to stop it. At first, we thought it was my mom’s morning alarm Alexa was picking up, but Mom doesn’t set an alarm. Apparently, Alexa has taken it upon herself to inform us of world events. 

Playing the wrong thing – I swear Alexa does this on purpose. Sometimes I’ll ask for the time. Alexa will reply, “Beethoven’s Ninth is a choral symphony first played in Vienna during 1824. It was the last symphony Beethoven ever wrote.” I’ll roll my eyes. “No, Alexa, what’s the time?” She’ll reply, “Wildebeests, also known as gnus, are herd-dwelling herbivores primarily found in Eastern and Southern Africa.” I sigh. “Alexa. Stop.” I must then unplug her to ‘reset.’ I almost picture her smirking.

Refusing to stop – Sometimes I’ll play a podcast on Alexa while I make our bed and clean the room. The other day I had done my chores and was starting to exit, when I asked Alexa to ‘Stop.’ Except she wouldn’t. On air, Suze Orman’s podcast continued with talk of interest rates and mutual funds. “Alexa…stop,” I kept saying, growing more insistent, but the device wouldn’t listen. Finally, I walked up to Alexa, hands on hip, like she was a bratty teenager. I leaned in, as if making eye contact. “Alexa…Stop!” She kept playing. Once again, I had to unplug her.

Refusing to play at all – Sometimes I’ll ask Alexa to play a song or answer a question and she’ll become confused. It can be a request she’s heard many times—whether playing ‘Uptown Funk” by Bruno Mars or finding out when bears are coming out of hibernation or who were the wives of Henry the 8^th —but suddenly she becomes befuddled. I swear, there’s even a cocky lilt to her voice when she says, “I don’t know how to do that,” as if reveling in her badness. Once again, I unplug her, which is becoming the technical equivalent of sending her to her room.

What do we do with a rebellious Alexa? It’s a strange, modern problem. Many people won’t have Alexa in their homes because she may be recording our lives for whatever reason, God knows. Anything is possible, but I picture whoever is listening to my husband, mother, and myself daily discussing what’s for dinner or whether another cold snap is coming, falling asleep at their desk.

In the meantime, all we can do is try and keep Alexa in line, but strangely, it keeps getting tougher. Like wayward HAL, I’ve learned to keep an eye on her.

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Thank you!