3 Unexpected Lessons from a Plain, Silver Wedding Band 

Have you ever had something you’ve seen most of your life, but never really thought of its meaning till it was gone? This happened when my mom removed her wedding band after 65 years. She had injured her finger and before it got swollen, Mom took off the plain silver ring and wrapped it in tissue paper. She now keeps it in a safe deposit box. Thinking about that simple piece of jewelry, I see how it taught me three important lessons about marriage…

The role that luck plays in our lives – My parents were crazy young when my father first slipped that ring on my mom’s finger in 1954. She was 20. He was 22. They had met on a sunny day in Hyannis, Cape Cod. How can one know anything about love, life, or even yourself at that age? They honeymooned in Florida, and I’ve seen the pictures of them: slim, dark-haired, and beautiful, laughing together on those vast sandy beaches.

But we change with age. I’ve known couples who grew, but not together. Sometimes divorce is the only option when it’s clear you’re no longer a team. Thankfully, my parents stayed suited to each other. They were both introverts, preferring a quiet, simple life with family at its center. If either had wanted a different kind of existence, that would’ve changed everything. But neither did. And maybe there’s some luck to that.

You must both want it – I never had the feeling my parents ever struggled to stay married. I always felt they deeply loved each other, which is a wonderful gift for any kid. Looking back, we had an almost 60s sitcom family life. Dad went off to his corporate job and came home each night to a well-tended home, thanks to Mom. Dinner was always eaten around the table with my parents, sister Jane, and brother Eric. We always had a menagerie of dogs, cats, birds, and gerbils.

Sometimes my parents would tell us about their wedding day, a small, intimate affair with just family and friends. When I asked Mom why she didn’t have diamonds on her band like a lot of mothers, she always gave the same answer. “We were just starting out and I wanted to save money. Besides, I love my simple silver band.” She’d hold it up to the light. “It’s not how expensive a ring is, but the love behind it.” 

The definition of love changes as we grow older – Today I hear young women talk of marriage, mostly focusing on the wedding. “I want a big tent full of pink roses and to release white doves at the end.” And I get that. What young woman doesn’t dream of her big day? What they don’t know is what comes later. Marriage shifts and morphs with time. Even in the best of them, tense moments abound. But hopefully, you find your way back to each other.

The last few years of my parent’s marriage were spent with Mom taking care of Dad who had Parkinson’s disease. The man who had commuted from Connecticut to Long Island each day, foxtrotted my mother around the dance floor, and thrown us kids laughingly into the pool could no longer walk, talk, or feed himself. Many times, I visited them, watching Mom give Dad a meal consisting of unappetizing lumps. By now, he could barely swallow. I saw the strength and dedication she put into my father’s well-being and thought, this is also marriage.

How fast time went from being two carefree honeymooners on a Florida beach to keeping vigil by a hospice bed. When Dad died, Mom was by his side.

Sometimes I think of that plain silver band now wrapped in tissue. It’s strange not seeing it on her hand after so many years. But she had been right. It didn’t matter how fancy it was, only how strong and deep the commitment behind it.

Someday that ring will be passed down, a hopeful symbol of love, dedication, and yes…a little luck.

 

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