The other morning, I came to my kitchen desk and found a picture of my Texan mother-in-law, Joyce, who passed away five years ago. My son Paul had put it there while rummaging through some papers. The unexpectedness of seeing her got me thinking. What would my pretty, dark-haired mother-in-law say about the pandemic today? I imagine her giving three pieces of advice…
Eat well – Joyce was a wonderful cook, whether making asparagus with Hollandaise sauce, a comfort meal of meatloaf, or her trademark Texas chili. Once during the Connecticut blizzard of 1978, when Randy and I were still in college, I stayed in their Westport home for several days. I remember big pots of homemade soup and Joyce’s Lime Chicken. She always had a fridge filled with cheese, fruit, and wine.
Later, when she came to visit Randy, me and our sons in Connecticut, she’d bring loads of Texas barbecue, See’s chocolates, and southern Praline candies. Even picking us up from the airport was a food event: there was always a big tin of devilled eggs, little bags of Fritos, and cold soda.
I picture her reminding us how food not only nourishes the body, but the soul. Make sure there’s plenty and its good.
Be kind to yourself – Joyce loved all things beautiful. In the winter, when she lived up north, she’d sit in a cozy chair by the fire with her favorite book and soft, beige moccasins. In the summer, she’d pull a chair into the shade and have toast, coffee, and OJ on a tray each morning, listening to the blue jays and reading the paper. She loved the softness of cats, stylish restaurants, French manicures, cool, bubbly glasses of champagne, and hummingbirds.
She never missed church or football games on Sunday and wasn’t above the occasional bucket of KFC. She always surrounded herself with people and things that made her happy.
I can almost hear her Texas twang: “Take care of yourself. That comes first.” I knew what she meant. This way you find strength for her next piece of advice…
Help others – Even in her 80’s (and sometimes ailing) Joyce served as a lay pastor in her church. Before she died, Houston cited her as one of the city’s top volunteers. One of her last jobs was as a hospital chaplain. There she’d pray and comfort those sick or their worried families. In her Rice University neighborhood, she was always ready with a casserole or care package for someone in need.
I thought of her the other day when I read yet another story of struggling families in our area. I’ve always been big on donations but find myself wanting to do more. I looked up a local food pantry and will make a point of bringing whatever they need as often as possible. Somewhere, I picture Joyce smiling.
Funny, sometimes it’s not till someone’s gone that you realize how they changed you, in big and small ways. Seeing Joyce’s photo on my desk made me realize how much she had given to our family and many others. Randy and I still try to live up to her example.
Do you have an inspiring family member? Comments are always welcome and please share, if inclined.
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Rita
What a dynamic woman. I treasure the women in my life who have helped me grow and live a full life.
Laurie Stone
Rita, She was a very dynamic woman, good word for her!
Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski
She sounds like she was an amazing woman and had a big impact on your family. Such great words of action for all of us.
Laurie Stone
Rebecca, Joyce was amazing. Thanks so much.
Jennifer
I love that your son pulled out her picture. It says a lot about the impact she had on all members of the family.
Laurie Stone
Jennifer, Yes, Joyce was loved by her grandsons, that’s for sure.
Ligeia
Hi Laurie – I got such a strong sense of who Joyce was through your post. She left behind such beautiful and lasting lessons for us all. I often think of my darling Mom, aunt, and grandparents in these ways as well. Thank you for sharing.
Laurie Stone
Ligeia, Thanks for the kind words. How nice you had so many wonderful women in your life.
Carol Cassara
I love that Joyce remains an inspiration to you still. And I’ll bet she does, too!
Laurie Stone
Carol, I believe she’s out there somewhere!
Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski
What a wonderful salt-of-the-earth woman. I often wonder how people who have left us would have dealt with the pandemic. I’m sure your MIL would have been an inspiration.
Laurie Stone
Rebecca, Joyce would’ve coped well, no doubt. Thank you.
Meryl
Beautiful memories of a wonderful woman and role model. you were blessed to know her for many years, and your husband blessed to have such a super Mom.
Laurie Stone
Meryl, Thank you. She was a great mom.
Lauren
Joyce sounds like a wonderful person. I realized I really don’t have a family member like this. Well maybe my Grandma Kay. She was one of a kind.
Laurie Stone
Lauren, God bless Grandma Kay!
Lea Sylvestro
Your recollection of the warmth and food provided by your mother-in-law during that college-days visit made me smile. Oh, that feeling of being taken care of by a parent! Particularly during these uncertain days of Covid, I miss that feeling… I miss my parents! I often reflect that now it’s our turn to make our kids (and grandkids) feel that same sense of home and coziness. I’m not sure if you found a food bank to drop off food, but you can drop off food (and diapers, toilet paper, and toiletries) at Mercy Learning Center on Park Ave. every Friday from 10:00 to 12:00. XXOO
Laurie Stone
Lea, Great thing to know about Mercy Learning Center! I used to volunteer there, know it well.
Diane
And she lives on. Through you!
What a wonderful tribute to a wonderful person! I feel I know her through your words.
I look forward to meeting her in some distant future!
Laurie Stone
Diane, I know you two would like each other!
Dr. Margaret Rutherford
I’m lucky enough to have several women in my life that I not only have adored, but who I truly want to emulate. Not only their caring and love, but their wit and hard-fought independence as they aged. Thanks for taking me to their memory..
Laurie Stone
Margaret, Its wonderful to have role models!
Nancy Coiner
What a lovely person — and what a lovely description of her! My mom was the same: volunteering until she had a stroke in her late 80s. One of the hard things about the pandemic, I think, is that we can’t do in-person volunteer work — it’s basically just donations, which are important but less personal.
Laurie Stone
Nancy, Yes, donations are necessary, but do feel less personal. Your mom sounds a lot like Joyce, a lovely person.