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It can be as easy as lying down. Other times, it’s like trying to get into the most exclusive nightclub. You wait for hours, till finally you’re allowed past those red, velvet ropes. You get into Sleep Club. Is it me or has slumber become more complicated in later years? Sleep problems now fall into three specific categories…

Falling asleep – I can feel a good night’s sleep coming on like I can sense a weather change. I can also feel a bad one. There’s nothing more frustrating than tossing and turning as you watch the clock digits move slowly past midnight, then 1:00 a.m., and beyond.

Most nights, thank God, sleep doesn’t take too long, and sometimes (depending on how much Proscecco I’ve had) sleep even comes fast.

But then there are other nights.

I lie there, adrift and annoyed, staring at the ceiling for hours. I can’t even blame my snoring husband Randy. Plenty of nights he saws wood, and I sleep like a baby. (He’s even accused me of snoring which I assure you, is complete poppycock.)

I have friends who clean house or pay bills when they can’t sleep. Sometimes, I’ll turn on the bedroom television with closed captions, to keep things quiet. And yet, even that doesn’t work. I lie there wondering: is it possible to be too tired to do anything, but not tired enough to sleep?  

Staying asleep – Then there are times I wake up at early dawn, refreshed and happy. I even have a few hours to cuddle under these warm covers, I tell myself. I’m grateful. That’s when I stretch to look at the clock, expecting to see 6:00 a.m. Instead, it says 11:17 p.m. I’ve slept half an hour. How did that happen? And why did it feel like so much more? And is that my quota for the night?

Sometimes I try and outwit sleep. When my eyelids feel heavy, I’ll mute the television and just lie there, not quite committing to a full lights-out. This “pre-sleep” works. My body likes the transition. When I finally commit, sleep is waiting.

But other times, once those lights are out, I’m more awake than ever. It’s a cruel joke!

The “Wee Hour” Crazies – A few months ago, before falling asleep, I made the mistake of watching a documentary on serial killer Ted Bundy. As they went over the exhaustive list of women he murdered and I saw his normal face and heard him speak in his regular-guy voice, I saw how on the surface, he seemed harmless. I lasted twenty minutes before turning it off in terror.

That night, I went to bed, pulling the covers up over my nose. I knew this show would catch up with me and sure enough, at 3:00 a.m., Ted was waiting. He lured women by using crutches and asking for help getting a package into the back of his van? Who’d be dumb enough to fall for that? Oh God, probably me. 

I didn’t sleep the rest of the night and the next day felt that heavy, sleep-deprived hangover.

Now I watch night-time television on a trauma-descending scale — the scarier, grittier fare, like “A French Village,” (a series about the Nazi occupation of France during WW2) is at the beginning of the night. The same goes for “Game of Thrones” and cable news.

The last thing watched is something funny. I just finished the entire catalog of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Before that was “The Office” and before that was “Veep”. Comedies have become my sleeping pill.

Still, I’ve learned a big lesson about trying to fall asleep in these later years. The more you fight it, the longer it takes.

I’ve learned the art of acceptance.

If it’s a bad night, I’ll lie back, thinking: Okay, I can’t sleep, but I’m snug in my home with my husband and terrier Libby beside me. Libby’s hogging the bed and Randy’s snoring a little too vigorously, but whatever. I’m warm and safe.

I wait patiently in line for Sleep Club to admit me.

The strangest thing is, next thing I know, many times, I’m waking to the morning light. I got into Sleep Club after all.

Just when I thought those red, velvet ropes would never open, they finally did. All I had to do was surrender.

 

What do you do when you can’t sleep? Comments are always welcome and if you like, please share. Thank you!

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Comments(34)

  1. Oh, sleep, where art thou?!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 1 year ago

      Diane, Most of the time, I’m fine, but once in a while, the brain won’t clock out.

    • Lois Alter Mark

    • 1 year ago

    We should text in the middle of the night! I’m always surprised to see how many people are on Facebook at 2 am when I can’t sleep. Of course, checking my phone doesn’t help me get back to sleep!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 1 year ago

      Lois, I had one of those very nights last night! Couldn’t shut my brain off. I bet there’s a lot of people on Facebook in the wee hours.

  2. I don’t have a TV in my bedroom. I turn off the one in the living room about an hour before I go to sleep, otherwise, I’ll stay awake thinking about whatever I watched. Sometimes it helps to take a bath before going to sleep too. Still, like you, I know when it’s going to be a long night, sometimes for no reason at all.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Rebecca, For some reason, television helps me sleep, although many people say it doesn’t. Sounds like you have a good system.

  3. Been all those places and done all of that… I’m grateful most nights sleep sweeps in…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Pennie, Have to say, most nights sleep does “sweep in,” a great way to put it.

  4. Hubby and I fall fast asleep after watching an episode of Perry Mason, however, unless I swallow a few drops of CBD oil I don’t sleep all night.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Antoinette, Interesting! I’ll have to look into that.

  5. Fortunately, I am a good sleeper. But just a bit ago I had a few insomniac nights, and I know how frustrating it can be!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Susan, I generally am a good sleeper, but those ‘awake’ nights are tough.

  6. Staying asleep. That’s my challenge. About 2am it’s toss and turn time.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Carol, That’s always a tough time.

  7. Thankfully, I don’t have a problem falling or staying asleep which my husband with tell anyone, however, I use CDC Oil to help ease me into sleep sometimes.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Antoinette, I’ll have to look into CDC oil! Thanks for the recommendation.

  8. I usually fall asleep just fine, it’s waking up at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep that kills me.I relate to your Ted Bundy nightmare. I just finished watching the Challenger documentary on Netflix and had night mares for days! I might have to try comedy next.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, The Challenger documentary would be so sad and yes, that wouldn’t be pre-sleep fare. Too scary.

  9. That’s been happening to me lately. Usually I take a Rescue Remedy Pastille and go to sleep pretty fast unless I’m really stressed about something. But then I wake up, or one of my dogs wakes me up and needs to go out. It takes me a long time to go back to sleep and the night seems endless. I have to give myself permission to stay awake and lie there saying affirmations or something like that. Once I decide it’s okay to stay awake I usually go back to sleep but wake up as soon as the sun comes up.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Rebecca, Animals can complicate things. Libby sometimes wants to go out early in the morning, and since I’m afraid she’ll piddle in the house, I put her out. Then I only have another hour of sleep, which can feel inadequate. The things we do for our pets!

  10. Hi Laurie,

    My husband goes to be earlier than I do, which can sometimes get him through the snoring stage. And Yes I DON’T SNORE!! What’s up with that, LOL. I stay up in the quiet and read, read and read. I sometime watch the shows that I need to catch up on, but with COVID there’s nothing to
    catch up on. My big complaint is that though I often sleep well, my body wakes me up–too early. I believed moving from Pacific time when I woke around six, would mean that in the Mideast, I would now awake around 8. No! I’m thrilled when I can stay in bed until seven.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Beth, I also find my body wants to get up earlier these days. Hope it means my sleep is basically good. Plus, the bed is so cozy!

  11. Sleep. Where do I start?
    I have a problem with sleep onset (going to sleep in the blink of an eye) and night panics. It is a terrible combination.
    I have had this for 11 years. It turns out it is all related to my light and colour sensitivity. By day I struggle to make enough serotonin and as a result, enough melatonin. By night, I need to sleep in a warm white room with pale curtains, the right level of brightness to produce a pleasing luminescence on the walls, and a small amount of red light! I also have a carbon earthing pad on the bed. I don’t plug it into the earth socket. My body just seems to relate to carbon. I also have bamboo bedding for the same reason. Now, at last I stand a chance. If I have 2 night panics, that is a good night!! When it comes to my attitude to sleep, I don’t care any more! I told my 12 year old son the other night (when he couldn’t sleep) that rest is a good second rate sleep!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Jennie, Night panics sound terrible, very sorry about that. You’ve definitely learned what works for you. Everything sounds fascinating! I agree, rest is a great second to sleep. Sometimes if we just accept our sleeplessness, it helps.

  12. I can relate to everything! I’ve never been a great sleeper (easy to get to sleep, hard to stay asleep) but it’s gotten worse the last year or so. Somewhere between not being able to keep my eyes open watching TV in the living room and actually getting ready for and going to bed, Mr. Sandman has abandoned me completely. The good news is that I don’t need to get up at any particular time in the morning. The bad news is that sometimes, after making up a few hours of lost sleep, half my morning is gone by the time I get downstairs and make myself coffee.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Janis, I find getting up at 7:00 a.m. each morning (even on weekends) helps a lot. By 10:30 or 11:00, I’m tired and fall asleep fairly well. Still, there are always those nights.

  13. Normally, if I can’t sleep I get up and read my book, and that does the trick. Sometimes though, when I have a headache, nothing works.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Tom, Sorry about the headaches. There’s nothing worse. Yes, reading can also help, but sometimes I’m too tired to do that, but not sleep!

  14. Usually I have no trouble sleeping. Go to bed at 10 and get up at 8. However… occasionally I wake up startled, heart pounding and head hurting. Lately it’s happening more often. Getting tested soon for possible sleep apnea…. to see if this could be the problem… as its beginning to affect my bp during the night.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Rian, That sounds terrible, the sudden heart pounding, head hurting. You’re smart to get it checked out. Hopefully they can give you something.

    1. Wow! That is almost exactly what I experience on occasion. I was checked for Sleep apnea and told no, I didn’t have it… ? Guess it’s some source of panic attack… while sleeping??

        • Laurie Stone

        • 4 years ago

        Rian, That sounds tough. I hope it gets better.

  15. Oh, I can relate! Two or three things work for me. One is Doc Parsley’s sleep remedy–nothing artificial and everything I need to fall asleep. Second is magnesium citrate at night. Third is progesterone cream. Just throwing out there in case any of the above help you. Not getting sleep makes me crazy! Best of luck.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Thank you, Kristine! I’ve heard of magnesium but never the other two. Will have to check them out.

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