Dexter, the 8 week old bichon/shih-tzu puppy hanging out in his crate

It’s a debate for the ages. Should our terrier Libby be allowed to sleep with us each night…or should she be made to stay in her crate? Practical people remind us that Libby is a dog. “Don’t allow her on furniture of any kind, including the bed,” they say. Then there are the softies. “What’s the harm of her sleeping with you? Dogs need their packs.” My husband Randy and I are confused.

What’s odd is that Libby used to love her crate. She’d sleep in our bed once in a while, but only on “special occasions” or when we were too lazy to put her back.

But most nights when asked if she wanted “Bed?” she’d jump up and trot to the kitchen. She’d nudge the metal door of her pink crate open and snuggle inside. She’d sleep peacefully till morning. Everything was fine.

And then things went horribly awry.

For reasons known only to Libby, she now refuses to use her crate… ever.

I put her to bed at the usual time. She waits about fifteen minutes and then starts whining — louder and louder — until the whole house is woken, not good for my son Paul who needs to be at work by 7:00 a.m. I come to the kitchen, let her out, and she zooms back to our bed like an escaped prisoner.

What happened?

I’ve checked everything in her crate, but nothing seems amiss. There are the usual doggie smells from soft towels to her favorite items in the world – Randy’s black Fruit of the Loom socks (the more used the better). I’ve even found a half-eaten snack bag of Cheetos in there, like it’s a pint-size dorm room.

But still, no deal. Randy and I have asked fellow dog owners for suggestions. Two camps have emerged.

“She’s an animal,” says one group. “Libby should know her place, which is the crate. You’re the boss.” Even worse, they admonish me. “She’s training you,” they say. I blush in embarrassment, caught being manipulated by an eleven pound terrier.

Then there’s the looser crowd. “Dogs hate being alone. They need “the pack.” That’s how they feel safe. What’s the harm?”

Randy and I weigh the pluses and minuses.

On one hand, it’s easier to let her sleep with us. I don’t have to go through the charade of putting her in the crate at night, only to have her cry, and then having to let her out.

She’s also portable. I know people who sleep with full-grown German Shepherds or Dalmatians, which is too much dog flesh for me in my bed. But Libby’s the size of a cat and fits without any problem. (Randy will argue that sometimes she snuggles so close, he wakes up two inches from the edge of our California King, but I digress).

Plus, there’s something sweet and cozy about sleeping with our beloved little Yorkie. Especially if I wake at 3:00 a.m., I know that hamster wheel is waiting with its thoughts of pandemics, plane crashes, and political mayhem. I reach out and touch the soft fur of Libby. I feel her steady breathing and my own breathing slows. Somehow with Libby near, things don’t seem so bad.

But there is one minus – and it’s a big one.

Once in a while, Libby will hear or smell something outside at 2:00 a.m. She’ll jump up, frantically growling and yapping. Randy and I will spring awake, hearts beating fast. What’s in the woods? A deer? Mountain lion? Big Foot?

That’s when our resolve strengthens to keep Libby in her crate. But then the whining starts again, and I remind myself most nights are fine, and she’s back in our bed.

On and on we go and now we wonder, what’s worse?

Having the occasional night when Libby alerts us there’s an ax murderer in the backyard?

Or making her whine herself to sleep, which could take hours?

Maybe its part of her getting older. Next birthday, she’ll turn seven. Already she uses a trunk at the end of our bed to get onboard. Leaping four feet is no longer done.

Like all our pets, this little dog will age… and someday she’ll be gone.

And what will I regret more? Not being stricter and keeping her in that crate… or allowing her to stay and feeling her soft fur at 3:00 a.m.?

 

What are your thoughts? Comments are always welcome.

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Comments(40)

    • Lea Sylvestro

    • 4 years ago

    Such a dear piece…and I love the image of the “pint-size dorm room.” Back when we had cats and dogs, we never could sleep with them; I liked the idea of the coziness, but like Randy, I didn’t want to give up the space and was too aware of every animal twitch. I doubt there’s a right or wrong on this…whatever makes you, Randy, and Libby happiest. Also, the photo is adorable! What cutie! XO

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lea, The jury’s still out. Libby seems to be in our bed all the time now and most nights its fine. There are always “those” nights, but mostly its peaceful.

    • Rian

    • 4 years ago

    I’m for letting her sleep with you. She seems to need to for whatever reason. If it gives her comfort and doesn’t inconvenience you too much, why not?

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Rian, That seems to be where we are right now. Thanks!

    • Kathleen

    • 4 years ago

    Hi Laurie. It sounds like Libby is very secure in deciding to sleep with her family. Animals are very smart and they are there for you day and night. Little Blessings.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Kathleen, Libby is without a doubt a blessing!

    • Lucy

    • 4 years ago

    My dog is 70 pounds and snores so there is no sleep to be had with him in the bed. I gave up on no dogs on the couch along time ago. Somehow it doesn’t work when you are the only one in the house saying no. So now he has nightly snuggle time with his people on the sofa but happily goes to his dog bed for the night. He’s never known anything else so he never tries to come on our bed. Now if he travels with us it’s on and off the bed all night.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lucy, Can’t imagine sleeping with a 70 lb. dog! Thank God, Libby is tiny, but she can still make her presence known. Sounds like your dog has a good routine and is well loved.

  1. That is a debate for the ages! We have a LARGE (and very hairy) dog, so it isn’t even considered.
    And I have a hard time sleeping with a pet anyway. I’d wake up every time they twitched.
    But it sounds like you’ve become comfortable with it. And that’s all that matters.
    So it’s all good!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, Don’t blame you for not having a large and very hairy dog in your bed! But sounds like you have a good system.

  2. Libby may have been spooked by a mouse… Forgive me for suggested you have mice but you never know. Do you have room for the crate in your bedroom? I’d love to have Annie sleep with me but she’s too big and takes over the bed so she goes in her crate… reluctantly… when it’s time to go to sleep. xoxox, B

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Brenda, We have had mice since we live in the woods! You never know. We’ve thought of the crate in our room, but she loves to cuddle and being so close (yet so far) in might drive her crazy. Worth a try, though.

    • jae

    • 4 years ago

    I’ve crate trained 20 dogs over my life but still have my fur-babies sleep with me.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Jae, Sounds like you’re a softie too!

    • Leslie

    • 4 years ago

    I vote for “feeling her soft fur at 3 a.m.”. I wouldn’t pass that up for anything!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Leslie, Strangely, that can help me sleep in this crazy world these days.

  3. Pint-sized dorm room! I love it! I say, let her stay!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lee, Why am I not surprised you’d fall in the softie camp?

  4. Our small dogs sleep in our bed. As senior rescues, they go crazy if crated. That’s because they were badly treated. When we leave the house they stay in the FR/Kitchen with a gate. It has a French door and they do not feel confined.Yes, some trainers would say they have trained us but I say each dog is individual and besides, I am not big on that dominance thing with dogs. However, I haven’t had large dogs in a long time so maybe that makes a difference.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Carol, I couldn’t have a large dog in my bed, but the cute little ones are fine! Sounds like you have a good system.

    1. Is THAT why my rescue went nuts when we tried to crate him? He’s gone now but man was that insane. Now I get it.

        • Laurie Stone

        • 3 years ago

        Lauren, Maybe if he came from the pound, he associates the crate with a cage. Wouldn’t be surprised.

  5. I’m the wrong person to ask. I love have a dog sleep in the bed with me. My husband does not. We no longer have a dog so the point is moot. I miss it.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, I would miss a dog. Don’t blame you.

    • Karen

    • 4 years ago

    Try the crate in your room. She might like it. Leave the door open. Maybe she wants more control in her life.🙁

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Karen, Good idea. Worth trying.

  6. I sleep with both of my chihuahuas. Lately one has been sleeping on the floor beneath my bed in a dog bed. I like it.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Rebecca, At least Chihuahuas are small. Sounds like one of them likes the dog bed… more room for you!

  7. When Husby and I were on Vancouver Island last month to see our son, Pandy came with us. She is my walking companion, after all! For the entire two weeks, she slept on the floor of our room and spent every waking moment with us.
    Then, when we returned home, I thought she’d be unhappy to go back to the crate, but apparently not. (You have to know that we watch a movie nearly every night. When the credits roll, Pandy gets up, stretches, and looks at us. If one of us says, “Time for bed!” she’s off like a shot, straight into her crate.) Pandy is happy sleeping in her crate. Libby is happy sleeping with you. And that’s all that counts!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, Pandy sounds so cute! I wish Libby was as content with the crate, although she’s so small, I can’t say she affects my sleep at all.

  8. Libby is as cute as a button. Cutie and Benji sleep with us.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Carol, There’s something comforting in having a dog (or two) in the bed.

  9. We never crated our dog so I don’t know what is best. I never wanted the dog to sleep with e, but everyone else in my family loved it and allowed it.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Janeane, Laughing. Dogs always seem to get their way!

  10. We have to keep our Fiona in her crate because she is 4 pounds and I am afraid we will kill her. A big minus of having a tiny dog.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, I don’t blame you. As long as she’s happy with the crate, go for it.

      1. Oh she’s not happy, but s be it. It’s for her own protection.

          • Laurie Stone

          • 3 years ago

          Lauren, Yes, sometimes there has to be tough love.

  11. I’d consult a trainer. That’s my go to.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Carol, Good idea.

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