Advice to a Wary College Graduate…40 Years Later

I had an epiphany last weekend. I toasted my nephew Sean on his graduation from Fairfield University and realized something — I graduated from the same school exactly 40 years ago! I couldn’t help wonder, if I could go back in time, what would I tell that excited, yet nervous young woman about the decades ahead? Here’s what I’d say…

You’ve already met some of your best friends – Look around. A few of these people you’ll know for a very long time. You’ll get your first jobs together. You’ll become parents together. You’ll wave your kids goodbye together. You’ll face the later years together. The strange thing? Everyone will stay basically the same.

The musicians will still be musicians. The smartasses will still be smartasses. The artsy ones will still be painting or sculpting. The hair may be grayer, but the essence will remain.

You know that tall, funny guy from the snack bar? You’ll marry him. But there’s a part of you that already senses this. What you don’t know is the incredible ride ahead. You’ll embark on this life of bands in the basement, Cape Cod summers, pink champagne, inappropriate jokes, rolled eyes, laughter, and some tears. Life will be crazy – and loud – but never dull.

You’re lucky. You’ll find your true love early and be together a long time. That doesn’t mean things will be easy. Sometimes he’ll annoy the crap out of you. Other times (rarely) you’ll annoy him. But somehow the scale will always tilt a little more toward staying than leaving.

You’ll struggle in the business world until you find where you belong. You’ll start out excited within those corporate walls, but quickly become jaded by the glass ceilings and beige cubicles. One day, overworked but uninspired, you’ll pick up a stenographer’s notebook and start writing.

You’ll write about how the “Ad Biz” isn’t how you pictured it. You’ll write about how you want something, but don’t know what. You’ll write…and write…and write. Within the next few months, you’ll fill every page of that notebook and then pick up another. You won’t know it at the time, but you started a journey. Thirty years later, you’ll be on your 92^nd notebook.

Be patient, graduate. I know you want to find your place in the world right away. But as long as you have that desire, it will happen… just not as fast as you want. Trust life.

The toughest time will be when you have an infant and two year old. Seriously. You’ll think you won’t survive another morning watching Sesame Street at 6:00 a.m. after having gotten up twice during the night to feed the baby. You’re so tired you can’t see straight. If you have one more day of onesies, dirty diapers, and baby formula, you’re gonna lose it.

But somehow, you make it.

And nothing will teach you like motherhood. You’ll see how you’re stronger than you knew. You’ll also understand the phrase, “Mama Bear.” You’ll love your children deeper and more fiercely than ever imagined.

You’ll be glad for the chances you took. One day in the 1990s, you’ll be at a town Halloween parade with your kids. You’ll spot the local reporter for the town paper. Nervously, you’ll go up to him. You’ll ask if he could use help. He’ll shrug and take your number.

Nothing will happen for months. Then one day, the phone rings. Can you can cover a Board of Ed meeting that night? Every nerve in your body will say, “No.” But another little braver voice will speak up and say, “Yes.” And this will begin another journey, where finally your path lights up.

Graduate, sometimes in life you’ll be asked to go beyond your comfort zone. I know its tough and scary, but say “yes” more than “no.” Sometimes these invitations are little tugs from the soul. They point the way.

Forty years from today, you’ll find yourself toasting your nephew Sean who just graduated. Your sons will have grown and found their own lives. Some of your old friends are now grandparents. You and Randy will look around and wonder what the hell just happened. Where did the years go? You’ll feel like you need a flow chart to figure it out. But there is none.

It’s life.

You’ll be proud of this fresh new graduate, your wonderful nephew, about to start his own voyage. But you’ll also be incredibly grateful for your own.

Along with everyone, you’ll smile, cheer, and raise your glass.

 

 

What would you tell your 21-year-old self? Comments are always welcome. If you like please share. And if you’d like to receive posts by email, just click this link. Thank you.