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Raising kids is tough. There are times you think you’ll never survive. But you do. And looking back, you realize it’s one of the best, most life-changing jobs you’ll ever have. Still, certain parts I would never have the stamina to relive…

Getting them on the morning bus – Every parent knows this last-minute mayhem. Shoes disappear that were there moments before. Urgent papers are pulled out of backpacks, needing to be signed as the bus is pulling up. Convenient “stomach aches” have to be verified for authenticity. I remember often feeling I needed a glass of wine at 7:15 a.m.

And yet…the other day, I was sitting in my car, watching kids get off a bus in late afternoon. I saw parents’ faces light up as their little ones scurried toward them. I saw the hugs and kisses. I saw the proud showing of artwork or some little trophy. And I saw then how I miss those moments, those daily reunions, when my kids returned safely home after a long day.

Helping with schoolwork – I tried to muster interest in long division and earth science and beginning Spanish. I really did. Yes, English was more my thing, but I hadn’t read “The Great Gatsby” since high school so even that was a struggle. I just wasn’t a natural enthusiast when it came to my kids’ schoolwork.

Still…the other day, I was cleaning out my son’s old room when I came upon a collection of those little hand-made clay figures he and his brother made in art class. I remember my kids coming home, proudly handing over their latest masterpiece – a man’s face, a green dog, a lopsided house. As I picked up each little treasure, I realized I miss getting these on a regular basis.

Early morning soccer games – Anyone who knows me, knows I’m not a sports gal. Two days before Super Bowl Sunday, I can’t tell you who’s playing. So, having to get out of bed early Saturday to walk onto any playing field was excruciating. I’d try and smile and match the enthusiasm of my fellow parents. Usually all I could do was muster an occasional, anemic “Good goal!”

But… a funny thing happened the other day. I was in our village market on Saturday morning. A gaggle of soccer kids and their parents burst in. I heard them talking and laughing about a winning play. And that’s when I realized I miss that sense of community. I miss my kids being part of a team. I miss being in the town’s “Parent Club,” even if was for something I was less than enthused about.

Serving daily dinners of mac & cheese, hamburgers, and chicken fingers – That’s the annoying thing with kids. They need dinner every day. My problem was that meal prep came at my most tired, wilted time. Looking back, my offerings were stupidly simple and sometimes served by a cranky mother.

However…the other night, my oldest came over for dinner. Patrick now rooms with buddies. My youngest Paul lives home, but is always working and socializing. It’s rare having dinner with just the two of them. As we sat around the table, I realized I miss the daily catching up. My meals may have been basic back then, but there was something nice about cheering a good grade, commiserating over something that went wrong at school, or laughing at their jokes. It made me feel close to my kids.

The frenzy of Christmas – I admit, I kvetched about the constant work of this holiday when my kids were little. The decorating, the tree, the presents, the food, the cookies, and the wrappings — all seemed to go on and on. Thank God my husband Randy was a better shopper and knew the best gifts for our sons. Still, I remember getting to December 25th feeling like I’d finished a triathlon.

Then…something funny happened last year. I found myself alone in the living room on Christmas morning, waiting for everyone. And that’s when I realized I missed the look of excitement on my little boys’ faces as they scampered to the tree…usually at 6:30 a.m.

And yes, I still spend Christmas mornings with my sons – now hulking guys with beards, holding mugs of black coffee—and I love that. But for all my grousing, I miss that innocent joy of past Christmases.

It’s funny, when you’re in the heat of the parenthood battle, you don’t see the things you’ll miss later. You don’t see the small moments that will someday make you ache with nostalgia. 

Sometimes I think I’d like to go back and visit, just for a few hours …even if it means having to make macaroni & cheese.

 

What did you find hard about parenthood? What do you miss? Comments are always welcome and if you like, please share.

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Comments(38)

  1. I can relate to everything you said. But, let me give you hope. If you are lucky enough to have grandkids one day most of those moments will return to you in a slightly different form and without the cleanup! Plus you will witness your kids being parents which is a sweet, hilarious and karma satisfying thing to watch!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Brenda, Sounds like heaven to me! Thank you.

  2. I would love to go back for a few hours – maybe a week even. But I, too, love and appreciate my adult children. “Hulking guys with beards, holding mugs of black coffee”—love it!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Talya, I feel blessed to be close to both my adult sons. Sometimes I think I’d like to visit, but I might be so overwhelmed by nostalgia, it might be hard.

  3. I remember those macaroni and cheese nights. I miss them sometimes. I enjoy when the kids come home to visit. Can’t believe my oldest is turning 33 this week. Where did the time go. Now she eats lobster with macaroni and cheese at fancy restaurants. How times have changed. Enjoyed reminiscing with your post.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Judy, Thank you. Yes, I also miss those mac and cheese nights. You think the work will never end, but one day (it seems), its all over and your kids are adults. Sigh.

  4. Well I have the best of bot worlds…or the worst? Because i waited to have kids so damn long I am an middle aged mom of two boys in elementary school. Most of my friends have kids in college….or out! So I’m still in all of this. Imagine doing it now. That’s right. I’m exhausted. But they keep me young. I think…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Lauren, I also had my kids later, didn’t start till I was in my thirties. I think it would’ve been harder to be a very young mom. I’m glad I sowed my “wild oats” before settling down. Maybe that is the best of both worlds.

      1. I hear ya! But I am so tired. Being this age with two elementary aged kids is exhausting! Now I know why we are meant to have them younger. But I still LOVE every single minute. 😉

          • Laurie Stone

          • 5 years ago

          Lauren, The days go both slow and fast. You think you’ll never survive another sometimes, but then before you know it, they’re in middle school and then high school. Sigh. But you look back with such nostalgia.

  5. I never had kids so I don’t know what I’ve missed. My own parent-child relationship was so difficult that I promised myself I wouldn’t have kids. Just dogs.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Brenda, I think dogs make wonderful kids and don’t sass us back!

  6. Every year somewhere in early September, I go out to run an errand and I’m caught by surprise by watching kids being ushered across streets by crossing guards. I’m completely out of touch with the school year and in that moment, for a couple of minutes, I’m hit with nostalgia and missing those days. But I thoroughly enjoyed their growing up years and now I’m focused on watching them being adults.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Evelyne, I thought I’d weep with nostalgia at the sight of a school bus when my kids were older, but life goes on. I miss those days here and there, but they seem like a dream now. Like you, I’m more focused on my children now.

  7. The morning bus routine is something missed. Since I was a teacher and then administrator, I WAS the morning bus because they were going to school with me. There were definitely pros and cons with us all starting our day in such close quarters. Fortunately, we all survived!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Shelley, Funny, I don’t miss getting them on the bus, but I miss getting them off. Kudos to your career as teacher and administrator. I have much admiration for your profession.

  8. You know what I don’t miss? School presentation nights – where you sit for hours through multitudes of other people’s children getting certificates, singing songs, giving speeches etc so you can see your child have their three and a half seconds of fame. When I walked out of our daughter’s final highschool awards night I nearly did a running jump and cheer (I’m a baaaad mother!)

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Leanne, You’re not bad. You’re honest. I was the same way, especially for graduation ceremonies that went on forever!

  9. This made me LOL, “That’s the annoying thing with kids. They need dinner every day.” So true!!! My youngest is a junior in high school and every day I find myself listening and waiting for him to walk in the door at the same time after school. I think I will be ok with the whole “empty nest” thing, but I know for sure that for quite awhile at that time of day I will have a bit of a moment missing my kids when there is no one to wait for anymore.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Monica, I have 1/2 an empty nest. One son is gone and the other is home, but out a lot. I can’t imagine a completely empty nest and like you, part of me will still be still waiting for their footsteps.

  10. I can relate to this post so much Laurie. I love your memories and those special moments. I remember sitting in a park recently watching parents and toddlers and I had a flood of nostalgia for those long gone days -the innocence, the dependence and the simple love. It’s a lovely way of looking back and you’re so right, at the time you don’t realise those little moments will become so big later on. Lovely post. Mind you I don’t miss too much about parenting three teenage daughters.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Debbie, Thanks for the kind words. Having two sons, I can’t imagine parenting girls. It must be so different than boys, especially psychologically.

  11. In this day the anxiety of kids just coming home safely from school.Hopefully that innocent gun free time will come again.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Haralee, I can’t imagine having kids in school these days. How frightening. We never had to worry about that and I’m grateful. Now you’re right. We have to bring those days back for other generations.

  12. I don’t miss the teen years where I worried when they weren’t home by midnight–or whatever the curfew was.
    I don’t miss teaching them to drive.
    I don’t miss watching soccer games in the rain but I do miss being part of that greater universe.
    I miss my kids–they don’t live in the same city as me. both are a 1-hour flight away. at least they are both on the same coast as me now.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Oh my God, those early driving days when I couldn’t sleep either because they were still out! Its the worst. But thank God, we survived. I’m thankful my sons are both close, distance-wise. At least your kids are a quick plane ride, versus cross-country. That makes things easier.

  13. I think we were the only family in South Africa who WOKE our children on Christmas morning! Reason? We were in the ministry, and it was imperative that we got everyone dressed and to church before 9 a.m. And we couldn’t go without opening prezzies first. All five of us. One at a time. Looking back, I think we were a little – make that a lot – crazy. We should have allowed everyone to open three gifts – then had breakfast and got to church. So I miss that time, but I don’t miss the 4.30 am wake-up call! Eighty-year-old and her Walk to Freedom

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Shirley, Sounds like an amazing story about living in South Africa… with 5 children! As for Christmas, we all look back and wish we did things differently. Thank you for including your link. I’ll be sure to read it.

  14. Tears. <3 There is a bittersweet feeling when think of my Christmases Future. Of course I love Christmas for the very young and very old, I'm one of those people that I live for the festivities of the holidays!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jess, I’m a Thanksgiving lover. I don’t know why except maybe its just one day, a really good meal, and no gifts. I’ve even gotten more sentimental about Christmas over the years. I see more and more how every holiday is precious.

  15. I do miss Christmas morning. I loved decorating for Christmas and the excitement of my son as he opened his presents. We still get together for Christmas morning, we still have Christmas breakfast but that excitement of old is missing.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jennifer, Christmas is not quite the same as they get older, but its more relaxing, and that’s nice too.

  16. This could end up being a very long list, on both counts ❤️ Took me on a little trip through time, past, present and future . . .

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Crystal, This list could be quite long! I’m glad it resonated with you.

  17. This post brought tears.
    So many things I miss. I loved being home with all my littles!
    For a while, our youngest daughter and her daughter lived with us and I was once again at the forefront of busses, homework and dinner conversations. But since they moved, it’s Husby and me. Our evenings are quiet and I love that. But I miss those tough, often confusing days of kids and . . . stuff!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Diane, When we’re in the thick of it, parenthood is hard to get perspective on. But now with time and distance, little things make me ache with nostalgia.

  18. Still in the throes of middle school here and the last-minute out-the-door mayhem is in full effect every week day morning. I know it’s going to get harder though……the blur of high school and then the silence of an empty nest. I see it on the horizon and it reminds me to hug them a little more and listen when they talk to me.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Bryce, Sounds like you have the right idea. It does go blindingly fast, although when you’re in the middle, its hard to keep that perspective.

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