Let’s face it. The thought of getting older is scary. Being in my sixties feels surreal, especially since I was thirty last week. But there’s one person that always inspires me, leading the way through the dense, thorny thicket of the later years. And that’s my 80-something year old mom, Marilyn.
Here are 5 ways she’s surprised me lately…
She’s game – Since she was widowed two years ago, Mom and I have travelled many places – including Ireland, Florida, Kripalu Yoga Center in Stockbridge, MA and recently, Amherst, to see the Emily Dickinson museum. As I’ve learned, you don’t really know people (yes, even parents) till you travel with them.
And during these trips, I see how game and adventurous my fit, silver-haired mother is. She’s up for any trek, whether walking the cobbled streets of Dublin or attending a new-age lecture in the Berkshires.
She’s feisty – Last summer, we flew to Ireland. My mother, like many of us, doesn’t like long, overseas flights. That didn’t stop her. Once there, we took a one-week bus tour around the country. The mornings started early. There were three different motels in six days.
I was proud of Mom, up bright and early for breakfast each morning. We took a horse-drawn carriage through Killarney, a boat trip off the Dingle Peninsula, and walked the Cliffs of Moher. The pace was fast, but she kept up.
Our last day, we ended up in a Galway pub. Its there we had our first Irish coffees together, a habit we brought back to the states. “I’ll have mine with Jamieson whiskey,” she told the waiter. I looked at her, eyebrows raised. I had no idea my mother got this specific about her Irish coffee. I realized then people never stop surprising us.
She’s enlightened – There we were this spring, lying on our mats in the famous Kripalu Yoga Center in Stockbridge, MA. New age music lilted from speakers in this huge, sun-filled room. An older woman in a long flowing dress walked among us like a high priestess, calling out moves. “Breathe and be present,” she intoned.
And there among the bodies was my Mom, performing downward dog and spinal twist. She’s been doing yoga a long time and it shows in her toned, shapely body. Damn, I thought to myself as I watched her settle into cobra pose, my mother’s cool.
She’s still good company – In Vero Beach, Florida this past spring, we visited my aunt Ann. It was lovely to spend time with two of my favorite women. Each morning we’d do our own thing. Mine was reading. Ann would catch up on her favorite television shows. My mother loved poring over her I-Pad, getting all the news of the world. Unlike many people of her generation, she has no fear of technology.
One night Mom, Ann, and I sat in a seaside restaurant, looking out at palm trees and blue-green ocean. As they talked, I watched them both, thinking what wonderful role models they are. My mother and aunt are still curious about the world. They have huge groups of friends. They’re kind and open and engaged. They’re youthful. I couldn’t help think how lucky I am to have them. How lucky I am to share these times with my mother.
She’s still fun – In Amherst, Massachusetts last weekend, we visited the original home of 19th century poet Emily Dickinson. (Its now a museum and highly recommended for you literary types). That evening, Mom and I went out for dinner. She’s now got me drinking beer, something I never did before since I’m a wine girl.
As always, we talk about everything. She’s deeply involved with her children, grandchildren, and extended family. I look at her and can’t help think how the later years are what we make of them. And yes, genes and health play a huge factor, but so does attitude.
Since my beloved dad passed two years ago, my mother’s had to reinvent herself. She’s had to navigate life on her own terms, for the first time after a very close 60-year marriage.
I cherish the time I spend travelling with her. I know women who have had abusive or neglectful mothers. I know other women who were close to their moms and have lost them.
As we sat together our last night in Amherst, I realized how nice it is to have a mom you not only love, but like. I thought of how my own journey has always been made easier by her example…yes, even in the thorny thicket of later years.
I raised my beer. “Cheers.”
She raised hers in return and smiled. “Here’s to our next adventure.”
Have you travelled with your mother in your later years? Comments are always welcome and if you like, please share. Thank you!
My healthy, fit mother of eighty-five has always been a vitamin fan. Here’s the latest from HVMN on Magnesium and Ashwagandha.
Lauren
You are lucky. My mom can no longer travel and even if she could I can’t be around her negative energy more than a couple of hours. Cherish your trips.
Laurie Stone
Lauren, Yes, there’s nothing worse than negative energy. Totally get that. Have several people I know who I can take in small doses, but traveling would be torture.
Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski
Your mom sounds wonderful. My mom’s name was Marilyn too. I hope I grow up to be like your mom someday. I didn’t get a chance to travel with my mom because I was out of the house when I was 18 but every once in a while I get to travel with my daughter. I love it and we always have fun. She kicks my butt on hikes.
Laurie Stone
Rebecca, Sounds like you’re already a great mother! And yes…youth. They do kick our butts when it comes to hiking, and computers.
Bonnie K. Aldinger
Your mom sounds wonderful!
Laurie Stone
Bonnie, Thank you. She’s a special woman and I’m lucky to have her.
Diane
I love these insights into your Mom! It makes me miss mine just a little less…
Have you had any more adventures? I’d love to hear about them!
D
Laurie Stone
Diane, Besides visiting my aunt again in Florida, nothing of late. We should get back on the road again one of these weekends!
Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski
My mom is gone. She made it to 89. I sometimes go on trips with my daughter. I hope she thinks of me that way when I’m in my 80s. Your mom definitely sounds cool.
Laurie Stone
Rebecca, Thanks so much. I’m sorry about the loss of your mom, but glad you can go places with your daughter. Such nice memories.
Cathy
What a blessing to still have your mom and enjoy her so! You are making beautiful memories with all your adventures!
Laurie Stone
Cathy, I can’t imagine life without my mother. Its nice making the most of our time together.
Shari Broder
A lovely post! I think this is awesome. You and your mom are both impressive women.
Laurie Stone
Shari, Thanks so much! I know my mom is.
Linda
Love this Laurie! I hope I am that active in my 80’s and traveling with my daughters.
Laurie Stone
Linda, Me too! I have sons, but hopefully they’ll let me come along.
Rena
What a lovely tribute. My mom became a widower at 46 and it changed her in a lot of ways. I wish we had this kind of relationship. Our roles have been reversed since I was 15. We’re together all of the time, but I’ve learned she doesn’t travel well.
Laurie Stone
Rena, Wow, your mom was young to be widowed at 46. There’s still a lot of living to do. Sounds like you two have managed to forge a relationship that supports both your needs. With older parents, that’s half the battle.
Jess
My 89 year old grandmother is a total inspiration! She has taken three major trips this year alone with her girlfriends?! A cruise, a bus tour, and a NYC vacation! She is my rock!
Laurie Stone
Jess, I love stories like this. God bless your grandma. She sounds like an amazing woman.
Kimberly@PassingDownTheLove
I am fortunate to have both of my 80+ year old parents alive and well. Over the past three years we have traveled to France, The Grand Canyon and to Wyoming & Colorado from St. Louis, MO. I treasure every single day with them! We are in the midst of planning for next summer’s adventure!
Thanks for sharing this!
Laurie Stone
Kimberly, Funny, I never travelled with my Mom until she was widowed. Now its opened up a new world for us. Glad you enjoy your parents too.
Jill
What a great post. Your mum sounds fabulous and full of beans. Hope she loves this post.
Laurie Stone
Jill, My Mom did love it. I’ve learned to never post anything about her (or my late father) without her blessing! Thanks for reading.
Shirley Corder
Wonderful to read about your mother. How blessed you are to still have her with you to appreciate! I often think of things I appreciate (in hindsight) about my mother . . . but she’s no longer with us so it’s too late to tell her. Enjoy your close relationship! Drawing ladies out of their shadow.
Laurie Stone
Shirley, I’m lucky to have always had a close relationship with my mother. As I get older, I realize what a blessing it is.
Carrie
A great story about you and your mom. My mom and i are very tight and could not imagine life without her. She amazes me all the time. great post
Laurie Stone
Carrie, Thanks so much. I’m glad to hear you’re one of the lucky ones who have a wonderful, close mother.
candidkay
I love that you’re getting this time with your mom! So many of us don’t. And getting to know her more as a person, rather than just as your mother, is priceless.
Laurie Stone
Kristine, That’s a great way to put it — getting to know my mother more as a person than a mom. I love that. And you’re right, it is a wonderful experience. I’m grateful.
Ginny Pappalardo
I wonder what my daughter, Lisa, thinks of me. We did travel together once, to Greece and Turkey. She is the one who is adventurous and successful. But I still have spunk too. Lol
Laurie Stone
Ginny, You and Lou seemed to be both adventurous, fun parents. She learned from both of you. She told me she loved traveling with you to Greece and Turkey. What an incredible trip. Maybe you should plan another!
Suzanna
I think it’s awesome your 80 year old mom is still so active!! I have to get into yoga… That is something to aspire to. Great post!
Laurie Stone
Suzanna, Thanks so much! I agree, yoga definitely helps the later years.
1010ParkPlace
How wonderful! You mother is, indeed, cool. If only I could have had that relationship with my mother. She’s a role model for all of us to stay fit and stay in the now. Thanks for sharing her with us, Laurie. xoxox, Brenda
Laurie Stone
Brenda, Thanks for your kind words. My mom is indeed, cool! And I know I’m very lucky.
Jennifer
Your Mom sounds great. I love that she’s off having adventures with you and it sounds like adventure is what keeps her young at heart. When my Mother was in her 80’s she and her friends would go play setback together. They would meet at each other’s homes and at the senior center and even at biker bars (where they would play for money and win.) For them, it was laughter that kept them feeling young.
Laurie Stone
Jennifer, So true about laughter. My mom and her friends go out together, nearly every day. They laugh and sometimes cry. They’re there for each other. Its made me feel so much better about the later years.
Linda Hobden
I love your post & your mum is super cool! 😊My mum surprises me at times too – she’s 76 and my dad passed away in February after a 12 year battle with dementia. Since my dad became ill my mum has learnt to be independent- she passed her driving test first time at the age of 66 (my dad always drove her around), and last year she flew from the UK on her own to Las Vegas to meet up with my sister & her husband who were travelling from California to Las Vegas to renew their wedding vows. She is not so adventurous when it comes to trying foreign food or dabbling with technology though! 😜
Laurie Stone
Linda, Your mom sounds like a cool lady. Like my mom, it sounds like she had to change and grow as a widow. Both your mom and mine have done a great job.
shelley
So many of the older women around us are such inspirations! They not only have an interesting history to share, but are able to transform and adapt as circumstances change. My own mom is gone but I hope I’m as feisty and going strong when I’m in my 80s.
Laurie Stone
Shelley, Being in our 80’s is not what it used to be. Neither is being in our 50’s or 60’s for that matter. As we live longer, old age is perceived differently with each generation.
Ann Donnelly
Love this Laurie and you’re right, Marilyn is all that. She is a very special woman.
Laurie Stone
Ann, You’re all that, too! Can’t think of happier times than when I’m with my mom and aunt.
Diane
This is wonderful! I love your mom! I was close to mine, but she was taken far too early. We lost her (mentally) years before we actually lost her. We did a few things together. Movies. Meals out. Shopping trips to Montana. (Yes, when you live in southern Alberta, your big city of choice is Great Falls!) But I would SO love to have her with me now. To be able to talk to her about my writing (her passion as well). I do have the memories . . .
Laurie Stone
Diane, Thanks so much. Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman too.