Many years ago I turned seventeen, so young and dewy, so eager to begin. If I could go back in time, what would I say to this insecure, vulnerable creature? What would you say to your seventeen-old-self? Here’s what I’d tell mine…
Be who you are, not whom you think you should be. I always thought I should be in a corporation since that’s where everyone went after college. After several years it dawned on me I didn’t belong in this world. My job involved marketing and promoting packaged goods I didn’t care about.
Instead, I loved ideas and books and issues. I couldn’t summon the verve or talent to do what others did so effortlessly. I finally realized the problem wasn’t me. I just wasn’t suited to my job. I was wired to be more introspective, quiet, and well… writer-like. Listen to your heart.
Pick your friends wisely.Be mindful of the people who make you feel good and those who drain you. Keep the former.
Take care of your body. I think back to what I did in my twenties (I won’t go into detail, but intoxicants were involved). Your body has to last a lifetime. Treat it with love and respect. Give it good food and move a lot. You’ll be happy you did, trust me.
Life is in the small moments. Last year I had to take a nuclear stress test. Part of it involved being in a claustrophobic machine for twenty minutes. Most people would shrug that off, but to me I’d rather be on a medieval rack. To escape, I mentally went to my happy place. It surprised me where that was. Was it strolling the Champs Elysee or the streets of Rome?
Nope. It was sipping a latte at my favorite coffee shop, sitting at a table with a good book and an oatmeal raisin cookie. That image brought me comfort and made me realize small things are what really make me happy.
Appreciate your family. They made you who you are. They love you. They’re there for you. Be good to them. Be there for them in return.
You will always be a slave to chocolate. Don’t even try giving it up as you will over the decades. But here’s the good news. In years to come, dark chocolate will prove healthy. It’s actually good for you! Yay! Who knew?!
Times goes fast, however…
You’re always younger than you think. I know people who always feel old. They were old at 25 because they weren’t 18 anymore. They were old at 30 because they weren’t 25 anymore. They were old at 35 because they weren’t 30 anymore. Whenever they thought they were old, they were actually quite young.
I want to be like my grandmother who at 93, looked around her nursing home and asked, “Who are all these elderly people?” She never saw herself as aged and of course, never was, at least inside. Don’t accept society’s scripts, especially as a woman. Ask for a rewrite.
And remember, young, dewy 17-year-old…you’ll never stop feeling vulnerable and insecure.
You’ll just get better at hiding it.
What would you tell your younger self? Comments are always welcome and if you like, please share. Thank you!
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Mona Andrei aka Moxie-Dude
Love this! If I could go back, I would probably say it all with a bop upside the head!
Laurie Stone
Mona, Oh yes!
Diane
Ohmyword, yes to all! That dewy 17-year-old needs to know they aren’t the mature, knowledgeable person they think they are!
And to listen to their Mom. There will come a time when they wish they could.
My 17-year-old is still in there–staring wide-eyed at her crazy life and contemplating all the choices she made!
Laurie Stone
Diane, I bet you were an adorable 17-year-old!
Lauren
So much I’d like to say but at 17…I never would have listened to myself anyway. LOL.
Laurie Stone
Lauren, So very true.
Diane
What would I have told her? “You’re NOT the smartest cookie in box, so LISTEN to your Mom. SHE is!”
Laurie Stone
Diane, Sounds like good advice!
Pat
Love this post. I hope I have the same attitude as your 93 year old grandma if I make it that age.
Laurie Stone
Pat, Its always nice to have older role models. I find that helps put things in perspective.
Haralee
Such great points Laurie for our younger and older selves! Realizing now my older self is that I have only 10-15 years, hopefully, of good health and to make the most of it right now!
Laurie Stone
Haralee, Hope you have many decades of good health!
Jennifer
All this. I especially liked: I want to be like my grandmother who at 93, looked around her nursing home and asked, “Who are all these elderly people?” It reminded me of my mother who at 88 was telling her children that she felt she was going to die soon. A high school friend invited her to their 70th reunion and she didn’t want to go at first, but then pulled out her best looking dress, jewels, and heels and went. The next day I asked her how she felt and in pure Tony the Tiger fashion said, “I feel great!” Turns out all her former classmates looked older, were in worse health, etc. Nothing like a high school reunion to revive you. She will be 99 in August.
Laurie Stone
Jennifer, Your mom sounds awesome. I love the jewels and heels. She sounds very inspiring.
Lisa @ https://meandmymomfriends.com
Absolutely love this! The biggest thing I’d tell my younger self is to “calm down because its not that serious!” When you’re a teenager, everything feels like life and death. Its not. So you got dumped. So you didn’t get a good grade on a test. Whatever it is, its just not that serious. Deal and move on. Life throws you tons of ups and downs and the faster your learn to roll with them, and not dwell on the bad moments, the happier you will be
Laurie Stone
Lisa, That’s one of the best things about aging. We’ve been there, done that. With experience, comes wisdom.
Pamela Lamp
As I head toward another decade, these are wonderful words to remember. Thank you! Age is just a number. I would tell my younger self to take more risks, be more adventurous, let go of the fear……
Laurie Stone
Pamela, All sound good to me, especially letting go of fear.
Julie Jo Severson
Saw this on Twitter. There are so so many things I want to tell my younger self. You’ve touched on some really important points Laurie and have inspired me to write to her!
Laurie Stone
Julie, I’m glad this resonated with you. I guess we do get wiser with age!
Frank Priegue
2, 5, and 8 struck home. Oh how youth is wasted on the young, but I guess it’s the journey that makes us who we are.
Laurie Stone
Frank, Unfortunately there are no shortcuts. Darn.
Shirley Corder
Oh yes, as a definitely-older person, I would love to write to my 17-year-old self and tell her many home truths that would make life a lot easier and happier as she traveled down the road of life.Trouble is, the 17-year-old me would probably not pay any attention! Why do we always learn too late? Thanks for the idea. Christmas Every Day – Guest post by S.African author, Dalene Reyburn
Laurie Stone
Shirley, I wish I knew then what I know now, but I guess it must be learned the hard way.
Ellen Dolgen
Great advice! I would tell myself to be kind to me………less critical and more loving. At 64, I am doing this now. I find good things to say about me. I have squelched my inner critical voice. She is gone!
Laurie Stone
Ellen, Great point. Self-kindness is critical, especially as we get older.
Jan Wild
Love this! So much good advice for our younger and older selves.
Laurie Stone
Thanks so much, Jan.
Diane
All of the above. Brilliant!
Laurie Stone
Thanks so much, Diane!
Darlene
Excellent post! I would tell my younger self to be forgiving. I spent so many wasted days ( and years) being angry at others ( and at myself). I realized later in my years that I was only hurting myself by holding on to anger and resentment. I wish I had learned to forgive MUCH earlier in my life…right about 17!
Laurie Stone
Darlene, I think forgiveness becomes easier as we get older. Maybe because we no longer have the energy for all that fighting. At least, its true with me. Glad this resonated.
Mona Andrei
OMG! I have an entire book written on this very subject. The manuscript is sitting in a drawer, collecting dust but I’m glad I wrote it. Great post 🙂
Laurie Stone
Mona, You have to take out that manuscript out of dustballs and do something with it! Who knows, you could have a best-seller on your hands.
Dudhwa Tiger Reserve
What a beautiful and astute post…Thanks for share……..
Laurie Stone
Thank you for reading and commenting!
Leanne
I think the last line is what really spoke to me – you do get better at hiding your feelings of inadequacy and vunerabilty – and you get better at noticing other people aren’t bulletproof either. I just wish I’d had the confidence I deserved at that age – young people are so much better equipped than we were to know who they are and to be brave enough to try new things.
Laurie Stone
Leanne, I think this generation has the benefit of talking about their feelings more. When I was in high school, everything (feeling insecure, lonely, etc.) was swept under the rug. Now at least this generation has a better foundation than we did.
Laura McGowan
Your grandma sounds super cute and fun 🙂 Elderly people are awesome.
Laurie Stone
Laura, Nana was a character, who always lived as she wanted. She threw the script away and I always admired her for that.
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Beth
I think I would add, “It turns out just fine”. No matter how bad life has gotten, and it has gotten pretty bad, as long as I kept going the world turned and eventually it was ok. If I had know that earlier, I would have saved myself a lot of tears.
Laurie Stone
Good point, Beth. As Mark Twain said, “I’ve known a great many problems. Thankfully most never happened.”
Marian
Great points. I agree with you.
Especially the “be who you are, not whom you think you should be”. I have put pressure on myself all my life and can never live up to my own expectations. Sigh.
I would also have told myself that tanning in the backyard smothered with baby oil was not a good idea. I regret that now 🙁
Laurie Stone
Marian, I did the same thing with baby oil! Back in the 70’s, who knew? There were also no seatbelts and children rode shotgun. I shiver now when I think of that. Thanks for reading.
Jennifer Dunham
This is such great reflection. I always think that is important to look back on our past to see where we can or want to make/continue changes in the future.
Laurie Stone
Thank you, Jennifer. I agree. We come so much farther in life than our younger selves could ever realize.
Sarah Peterson
I would have told myself to make sure I just focus on being a good person. In our teens it seems to be so focused on looks and material possessions. When I look back, I remember those people who were just genuinely nice!
Laurie Stone
Sarah, I think most of us are insecure when younger so of course, we focus on the exterior. As we get older (and wiser), we learn that kindness is more important. You’re right, though. Certain kids seemed to get that earlier.
Laura Dennis
I would definitely like to go back and shake some sense into myself especially in regard to your first point. Immediately after college I spent 4 years in a cubicle doing accounting even though I loathed every last minute of it. I was too scared to try something else. At 23 I somehow believed I was stuck!
Laurie Stone
Laura, I think many of us went in the wrong direction when young. In my case, I followed the herd into the corporate world. Oh well, that’s how we eventually learned.
Silly Mummy
Such great advice. And, yes, never fight the chocolate!
Laurie Stone
Yes, chocolate is vital… throughout every life stage! Thanks for reading.
Sue
You could have been speaking to my younger self Laurie! #1 be who you are not who you should be should have been my mantra. Sadly it took me many years to realise this. Love the post.
Laurie Stone
Thanks so much Sue. I think it takes most of us many years to figure ourselves out. There are a few exceptions, but for most, its a long journey of discovery.
Lee Gaitan
What a lovely and wise post. My mom was 96 and still coloring her hair and refusing to wear orthopedic shoes “like some old woman!” And take care of your body is so important–it’s so hard to imagine consequences at 20-something. Every one of these is brilliant. I wish I’d not only been brave enough to be “who I am” sooner in life, but had taken time to really “know who I am” first!
Laurie Stone
Lee, I’m convinced one of the perks of getting older is getting to know who we are. For most of us, its a result of lots of experiments and hit or miss. I envy that rare young person who knows where they’re going and what they’re all about.
Molly Stevens
I love all of this especially #6 as I will always be a slave to chocolate. What wise advise to give to your 17 year old Laurie. #8 is so true. I get sick of hearing people in their 20’s talk about how old they are. I want to say, “How old do you think I am? 90???” I never thought about it in terms of people being old their whole lives, but that is essentially what they are doing. Great perspective.
Laurie Stone
Yes! They are old their whole lives, I never thought of it that way. They look back at 40 and exclaim how young they were, but were lamenting their age back then. Its all relative. And yes, once a chocoholic, always one.
Beth Giusti
Oh Boy! To think back to when I was 17 and also when I knew everything. What would I have told that girl… So many damn things! I may have to do a blog on this too 🙂
Laurie Stone
I think its a fascinating subject and probably the same (and different) for each person. Thanks for reading.
Gary Mathews
I think we are all guilty of #23 LOL. I wouldn’t make it a week like I lived in my early 20s!
Laurie Stone
Oh my God, Gary. When I think of how my husband and I lived in our early twenties… and went to work the next day. A week of that now would land us in the hospital!
Anna Palmer
I love this list! Just yesterday I appreciated the meme: “Some people will think you are too much…those are not your people.” I think of all of the hours of tears I could have saved my younger self had I not tried to reel myself in to please others.
Laurie Stone
So true, Anna. But I’m not sure youth has that kind of hard-won inner confidence. I think it comes with experience. Thanks for reading.
Carol Cassara
And time goes faster the older we are, that’s so clear to me. Someone’s messing around with the clock and calendar, I am positive.
Laurie Stone
I think there’s some gremlin that follows us as we age, changing our perspective on time. I’m convinced.
Monica Matthews, how2winscholarships.com
I love this, especially #8. My grandmother is 102 and complains about all the old people at her home, LOL! We can all be young at heart if we believe it.
Laurie Stone
Wow! 102!! That’s amazing. Our grandmothers sound like they would’ve been kindred spirits.