It’s happened. My husband Randy now works from home. And I’m glad, truly. He deserves an easier life, having spent the past thirty-five years zooming around the globe on business trips. But now he’s here a lot–everyday. And it’s not bad. It’s just…well, different. In fact, here are the pros and cons for having a husband around most of the time…
The Pros…
He’s nice — I’m lucky. I love my husband. He’s my best friend. If I have a funny story or problem, he’s the first person I go to. Sometimes it’s like having my own in-house shrink. Randy has an extra chair in his office. I’ll sit there and tell him my latest dilemma like he’s Sigmund Freud. His advice is always sound and smart. Later I wonder if I should leave a check.
He’s funny — Not since college have Randy and I spent so much time together. And I’ve rediscovered something. My husband’s hilarious. His imitations are spot-on. He sees the absurdity in life. We crack up at funny cat videos. In some ways, I’m brought back to what drew me to that tall, thin guy in 1976. He’s still the wittiest sophomore in the snack bar.
He’s freer — Sometimes we sneak off and see a movie. Sometimes on a cold winter’s day we’ll meet in the living room for “Happy Hour.” We’ll have a glass of wine in front of the fire. Needless to say, we couldn’t do that when we had two little sticky-fingered toddlers running around..
He’s contained — This is super-important. Randy likes a lot of stuff. And I mean, a lot. His unholy mess possessions are relegated to one room in the house, his office. He has an IMac, television, stereo, mini-fridge, bass guitars, Amazon boxes, and food wrappers. This area contains every object he owns and most important, a door. Thank God there’s no urban sprawl.
The Cons…
His conception of cleaning is, well…odd – Randy’s way of tidying the kitchen is stacking every bowl, dish, plate, glass, knife, fork and spoon in the sink so it looks like Mount St. Helens. What is it with men and dishwashers? It’s like men and hampers. Many wives tell me their husbands leave dirty clothes on the floor an inch away. Is it non-masculine to open things?
He’ll make an appointment for a handyman without telling me. My husband assumes I’m like Mrs. Hughes in Downton Abbey. I never leave my post. I’m always on duty. Recently we had to re-negotiate this turf. Now we have it down: whoever makes the appointment has to be on call.
He’s used to running things – That same handyman comes over. Before Randy was around, it was just me telling him we have a broken toilet. Now there are two of us, squawking at this poor, confused guy holding a hammer. This also had to be worked out. “Who’s got this?” I ask before any workman comes over. If Randy says he’ll do it, I bow out… happily.
We’ve had lunch tension. At first Randy would hover around the kitchen at 12:00 p.m. like a waif in Oliver Twist. Meanwhile I’d have a cup of soup at the computer. Not since the kids were little, have I made a noonday meal for anyone.To my husband’s credit, he’s adapted, learning the ins and outs of making a grilled cheese sandwich. He even adds ham and tomato, a creative touch that brought much applause to the culinary-challenged Stone household.
The Solution…
Slowly I’m smartening up. I’m learning there are certain things I can delegate to Randy, like going to Home Depot for light bulbs. For some reason, he loves doing that. He’ll also go to the most popular supermarket at odd, crowded times. I wouldn’t go if you promised me free chocolate.
Randy also loves online shopping. I give him strange missions like cat carriers, bathroom mold remover, or exotic furniture polish. He throws himself into it with the zeal of a 10-year-old on Christmas morning. (This has also led to odd purchases like a 12-piece kit for cat urine removal, but that’s another post).
But there’s one other thing I’ve realized…
Sometimes my husband will look around and say out of the blue, “I love this place.” I stop a moment, feeling proud. Of all the glamorous spots on the planet, he still prefers our warm, Connecticut abode. I put aside all the small things that make this transition challenging. And somehow it seems fitting. After working so hard and for so long, my husband’s come back to the one place he most desires and deserves.
He’s come home.
Do you have a similar situation? Comments are always welcome and if you’d like to receive posts by email, just press here. Thank you.
Rebecca Olkowski
You both have such a wonderful relationship. The two men I lived with were home way too much for my taste as I like having my own space. However, now that they are gone, I miss having them around. Luckily I have a roommate and a friend next door. Our schedules make it so we each have our own personal space without annoying each other.
Laurie Stone
Rebecca, I’ve always believed, having your own space is crucial to a good relationship with others.
Rachael Stray
Men and dishwashers don’t get me started! My husband piles dishes in the sink too it drives me to distraction. Sometimes we both work from home like when we get snowed in or have baby-related appointments. He works in the kitchen and and I work in the living room – it’s better that way!
Laurie Stone
Rachael, Laughing. What is it about men and sinks? They seem to think they’re being helpful piling everything in there, but it still boils down to one more thing we have to do! Sigh…
Ellen Dolgen
You made me smile, laugh, and tugged at my heartstrings. Loved this post. My husband and I both work from home. I love it. He loves it. He shares way more of the household duties now. He enjoys going to the grocery store and cooking! It is wonderful. He makes the most amazing healthy meals. He never had time to do any of these things before. I still make lunch dates with my girlfriends and he has a college buddy that he eats lunch with. We have this new dance of life down now. It is wonderful!
Laurie Stone
Ellen, I’m a little envious your husband cooks, but Randy has learned to do his own laundry and handles a lot of the repairs that crop up. Sounds like you and your husband have a wonderful new “dance of life,” as you call it, a term I love.
Susan
Love this post! My boyfriend work and live together and we take different paths of interests now and then, never for long though.
Laurie Stone
Susan, I think we need some distance in a relationship. Its nice to miss each other. Sounds like you and your boyfriend have a good balance.
Haralee
Yes my husband is around after truly finally this time for real, retiring! I have to put out mid day nuts and raisins and apples and make coffee because he gets cranky without food and coffee and no one , OK that is me, wants a crank around.
Laurie Stone
Haralee, Laughing! I love your nuts and raisin snacks. That’s not a bad idea, if it keeps the peace.
Roxanne Jones
Oh, Laurie, I so related to so many of your observations! Hubs retired from his corporate job in 2001; that lasted just a few weeks before I begged him to find something to do outside the house (he went to work at Trader Joe’s!) because he’d start asking me who I was talking to when I hung up from a business call. Since then, we’ve adapted, and he’s now extremely respectful of my need for space and quiet when I’m working. And he’s taken on a lot more of the household chores–like grocery shopping and laundry–for which I’m grateful. But while he’s good about loading the hamper, he still hasn’t mastered putting the dishes in the dishwasher. What IS up with that???
Laurie Stone
Roxanne, Shockingly, Randy has become good at housework too. He does his own laundry and even cleans the kitchen when needed. We’re lucky we both have men who adapted. It gets dicey when they don’t.
Kristi McAllister
I giggled through a lot of this. I love your writing style and how you describe everything so vividly from the stack of dishes in the sink to his unholy mess haha. Maybe it happens more often than not these days, but when my husband started working from home, we got divorced pretty soon after LOL! Not that it’s funny, but….
Great post!
PS–I still haven’t found a man who knows what a hamper is 🙂
Laurie Stone
Kristi, Thanks for your kind words. Being together everyday definitely brings out the “kinks” in a relationship. I’m sorry for your divorce. I hope you’re happier now. Many women are.
Gary
Men aren’t scared of hampers! Men are programmed after the 700th time of being told that they put the wrong clothing in the hamper or it’s “special” clothing, or the Queen of England blessed it and we get scolded we take the “screw” it approach :).
Laurie Stone
Gary, How did you know about the secret blessing by Queen Elizabeth?? I’m going to have to call an emergency female session. A secret has leaked.
Jennifer
I will also not go into a crowded store. My husband braves them all for me and what’s even better is that he’ll then come home and cook the meal for me. I love spending time with my husband and we do it a lot because our office is our living room since we live in a small condo. But everyone so often, I need to pick up all my things and go into the bedroom by myself. He understands when that happens.
Laurie Stone
Jennifer, Thank God Randy has an office. I swear its saved our marriage. But having said that, I love having him around. After so many years working and raising kids, we rediscovered we like each other.
Stacey W
Sounds like you two have found quite a fun balance! I also want grilled cheese now…
Laurie Stone
Stacey, Hmmm… lunch is coming soon. Doesn’t grilled cheese with tomato sound great?
Silly Mummy
Haha – saw something great just the other day that was a picture of a pile of men’s clothes right next to the laundry hamper, and a plea to draw attention to the terrible situation of husbands spontaneously combusting near laundry baskets. Can’t remember if it was in a blog post or was a meme, but made me laugh!
Laurie Stone
Right? What is it about hampers? Dishwashers are the same way. Its like husbands are afraid they’ll be pulled in and never escape.
Molly Stevens
You cracked me up, Laurie, with your entry about ‘lunch tension.’ The image of him hanging out like a ‘waif from Oliver Twist’ was priceless! My husband worked at home for a couple of years and it was hard to adjust when I was used to having time to myself on my days off. I love your solution of a ‘honey do’ list to keep him occupied. One of the things my husband and I love to do together, however, is go to Home Depot and when he asks me to go I know it’s date night!
Laurie Stone
Molly, Randy has adjusted well to his role of “house husband.” When he worked so hard in the corporate world, he never lifted a finger, which seemed fair. Now he’s actually become a help around the house!
Mandi
Oh, I love this. My husband and I would not last long if we both worked from home but I love how you showed that two different people can make it work.
Laurie Stone
Mandi, What saves us is Randy hangs out in his office so much. If he was hovering all day, I’d go crazy, but we have pretty good boundaries.
Shopgirl Anonymous
My husband is an Amazon Prime Addict…we have a problem. 😉
Laurie Stone
OMG. My husband is too. And yes, we already have a problem.
Margaretha
This made me smile, again and again. My husband and I are together 24/7 and have been for many years, and still I recognise many of the niggly little things, like stacking the dishes in the sink.
Laurie Stone
Margaretha, It was a transition, but we did it. To Randy’s credit, he’s learned to actually stack the dishwasher (different than me, but I’ll take it) and even do a load of laundry here and there! He loves being home, so I think its worth keeping the peace.
Carol A Cassara
I don’t think they can. I love M. but I get crazy that he is home all the time. ALL the time. No golf, no outings alone, just on top of me, or so it seems. Very different from my earlier life.
Laurie Stone
Carol, It can be challenging. Thank God Randy has an office with a door. If not for that, I’d go crazy.
1010ParkPlace
That’s a sweet post. Randy sounds like a jewel and you’re a smart woman for learning how to adapt. Brenda
Laurie Stone
Thanks, Brenda. Randy is a jewel! Thanks for reading.
Crystal Green
My husband has his Man Cave and I have my domain (my office/classroom for kids.) We talk to each other throughout the day, but for the most part we’re in our own worlds for most of the day doing our own thing to make a living through the online world. 🙂
Laurie Stone
Crystal, I love that. It’s the best of both worlds. You’re together, but doing your own thing. Well done. And thanks for reading!
Lisa @ The Meaning of Me
I read this first thing this morning and I’m only NOW getting back to comment. Where did my day go???
I love this, Laurie. Right now I’m home alone and the Hub works out in the big bad world. But in the summer he has a bit of a different schedule which has allowed him to work from or just plain old be home some days. It’s kind of cool. We definitely have our areas of tension (the dishwasher being one of them – I’m not allowed to load it because I do it wrong), but we get along really well. One thing that works for us is that we are both quite happy to do our own thing in the general vicinity of the other. So I kind of look ahead to the day when he might work more from home knowing that we’ll have a pretty good time. Great post.
Laurie Stone
Lisa, I love that line… “We both do our thing in the general vicinity of each other.” What a great description of a happy marriage. Sounds like you and your Hub are on the right track. Thanks so much for reading.
jeremy@thirstydaddy
we don’t have a lot of overlap, but my wife and I work at the same place. It has its challenges
Laurie Stone
Wow, working at the same company must be equally challenging to being home together a lot. Sounds like you have a blog post, Jeremy! Thanks for reading.
Risa
I’ve been thinking about this A LOT since my husband is looking to retire in a couple of years. I work from home, so I’m always here—not used to having someone recount the items on a “to do” list that has nothing to do with me! He took a sabbatical from work last summer, so we had a little taste of what life will be like. Mostly pros, but those cons…gotta work on those!
Laurie Stone
Yes Risa, there are some cons, but you’ll figure them out. Its an adjustment, but if we could do it anyone can!
Ellen Dolgen
My husband and I both work from home. At first, we had a bit of adjusting to this new dance of life. But, we do love the freedom and flexibility that it brings. Sometimes we have breakfast, lunch and dinner together….sometimes I purposefully make a lunch date with a girlfriend as he does with his longtime school buddy. We give each other breathing room. Like you two, we have figured out how to be together and still be independent!
Laurie Stone
Thanks for reading, Ellen. Yes, it sounds like you and your husband have the dance down quite well!
Kim Tackett
My husband and I work together, but in a studio, in another town. And it works great. I don’t know how the work from home thing would do…and I am probably the one who would be distracted!
Laurie Stone
Kim, Lots of together time for a couple is challenging, in or out of the house. Sounds like you and your husband do quite well. Thanks for reading.
Beth Havey
Laurie, we retired to California and then my husband started to volunteer. He needed to get out of the house, avoid the chores and bring back some of the “going to work” habit that he thrives on. So be it. I actually like the quiet time when he is gone to do some of the cleaning chores and to write. We are simpatico, but I think we work because we do have some time apart. Thanks for your post.
Laurie Stone
Beth, Thanks so much for reading. I think getting distance is key to making this all work. Sounds like you and your husband have figured it out well.
Sasha Johns
Ha! this was an amusing read. My husband is actually working out of the house more these days, and I’m a little grateful for that. I’m more productive when he’s not here actually. But I do miss being able to run to the store with out the littles in tow.
Laurie Stone
Sasha, There are definitely pluses and minuses to this arrangement. I also like when my husband’s home to let in repairmen and such. In many ways, it makes life easier! Thanks for reading.
Kimmie
What a delightful post… I really enjoyed reading, you had me on every word. (no scanning 😉 )
My husband and I are at home together all the time, for reasons other than work… he is a full time carer. And yes, there are times when we drive each other mad, (I suspect I drive him madder than he does me) but for the most part (after a relationship crisis a few years back) we now rub along quite nicely together. … Though in our case it’s me who has the cave 😉
Laurie Stone
Oh Kimmie, I think I’m jealous. You have a cave. That sounds wonderful and something I must work on. Thanks for reading.
Mimi
I love having my husband home – initially it was very tricky to combine both our personalities, individual preferences etc. Now we’re finessing it 🙂
Laurie Stone
Good for you, Mimi. It does take work.
Nancy Roman
My husband always worked from home, and I was the one with long hours away. Now I am winding down – part-time and will be fully retired soon. It’s been an adjustment. I love him, but maybe not ALL the time!
Laurie Stone
So funny. Yes, that all the time stuff gets challenging. Thanks for reading, Nancy.
Jo
I love the way you’re navigating this new territory and that you have found you are still the best friends you always were. I think many people dread this point in time because their lives have separated over the years, and it takes some sensitivity to negotiate a new path through the new roles. I’m looking forward to more time with my hubby one of these days 🙂 Great post 🙂
Laurie Stone
Thank you, Jo. It was nice to discover after all these years we (thankfully) still like each other.
Karen
Ah, the words compromise and patience never go out of style in a marriage, do they? It sounds like you are both navigating the new waters quite well.
Laurie Stone
Hi Karen, Compromise and patience are the watchwords of marriage. I love that. Thanks for reading.
Christine Organ
I often wonder about this too… congrats to your husband on the new work arrangement.
Laurie Stone
Thanks so much, Christine.
Bun Karyudo
Based on what you say, I think things have worked out for the best overall. It’s always nice to have somebody around to talk to if things get a little lonely. (Having said that, I’m not sure my wife feel quite the same way about it.) 🙂
Laurie Stone
Bun, I agree, it is always nice to have someone around. Thank God, for the most part Randy and I stick to our separate corners. I think that helps. And I bet your wife enjoys having you around.
Sandra
Not to worry you Laurie but I think we may be married to the same man. Lol This was heartwarming. Often wives are so quick to bash their husbands.
Laurie Stone
Sandra,
I tread carefully on the stuff that drives me super crazy, but thankfully they are small, not big. Thanks for reading.
Corinne Rodrigues
Enjoyed your post, Laurie. My husband and I married rather late – when he had given up working a full time job and I deciding to junk my business to move to where he was. Initially it was hard for me to adjust to being married and sharing the same work space. Now I love our life where we can take a break some days and even have a lie down in the middle of the day!
Laurie Stone
Sounds like fun, Corrine! Thanks for reading.
OneDizzyBee
Whoops! That was supposed to be “your husband and mine” 🙂
Laurie Stone
Thanks for reading!
OneDizzyBee
What a fun and lovely post! I thoroughly enjoyed the read; it made me smile. In several areas, it feels as if your husband and I might share some common ancestors. We also have a room in our home designated “his” which I diligently pretend does not exist. He also likes to create fun, slightly dangerous sculptures out of the dishes!
Laurie Stone
Bee, You’re so funny. Yes, maybe our husbands do share common ancestors! They sound dangerously alike.
Ann
Great blog. I read this from the vantage point of knowing that husband and wife team. You are both bright, funny and a blast to be around. Therefore I totally understand why you!’re enjoying each others company.
Laurie Stone
Thanks so much, Ann. Right back at you…
Leanne@crestingthehill
my husband has studied/worked from home for the last several years and yes there are pros and cons. I love having him around and then I get annoyed that he’s around. I love the flexibility and then I get annoyed that he isn’t working 9-5. I love the freedom but miss the regular income. It’s a Catch 22 situation for me and I still ride the roller coaster a bit. I work a lot less now and that has helped me handle the resentment of leaving to go to work while he got to stay home all day!
Laurie Stone
I totally get that, Leanne. Sometimes I miss the days of having the house to myself. Other times I like the company. Its constantly changing.
Heather Truett
Since moving to plant a church last summer, my husband is also working from home. Mostly, I like it better than when he worked at a church office, but he also leaves plenty for meetings and such, so he isn’t here 24/7. I do love the spontaneous lunch dates. A lot.
Laurie Stone
I find it mostly nice to have my husband home. We stay out of each other’s way and it works. Thanks for reading.
Dana
The most important thing is you love and like each other. Everything else can be figured out after that.
Laurie Stone
So true, Dana. Thank you for reading.
Jacqueline
This. We’ve had lunch tension.
‘
My husband took a leave of the work he was doing and is home now full time. I work from home and I don’t always eat a full meal at lunch. Some days I see myself in the kitchen at breakfast, lunch and then dinner like a short order cook. Some days that’s fine, but most not… nipping that, once again, in the bud!
Laurie Stone
Smart, Jacqueline. I also saw that getting into this habit would be never-ending. Better to teach husband how to navigate the kitchen (and learn important life skills) than start pulling out your hair.
Susan Bonifant
This has been our arrangement often in my husband’s consulting career. It is incredible how close you can become when you don’t have the pull of kids, AND how you realize you need the space between you too. Adjustment, yes, in a mostly good way I think.
Laurie Stone
I agree Susan. I feel after raising our sons, Randy and I now have the time and space to get reacquainted. It’s a good thing. Thanks for reading.
Andrea B.
What a beautiful post. My husband and I rarely work from home together, but when we do he’s in hiding upstairs in his office/man cave. 😉 But I like the way you wrapped this up!
Laurie Stone
Thank you, Andrea. All I can say is thank God for man caves. I’m not this arrangement could survive without one.
A.J. Sefton
Seems like you have a great world!
Laurie Stone
Thanks so much. Its nice to get to a certain age and be happy.
Nasreen Iqbal
Oh. Being around someone all the time is tough to maneuver. Good luck with it and keep us updated. 🙂
Laurie Stone
Thanks so much, Nasreen. Thank God most of the problems are small.