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Moms of boys understand. When your kids are little, you think you’ll never survive the sticky hands, typhoon-force energy, and non-stop “getting into things.” I won’t even go into the teenage years. But then, in what seems an instant, your boys are men. And with that comes another phase. As a Mom you’re doing less, but observing more. Watching my grown sons over the past few years, I’ve learned the following…

They’re still fast – To this day, I can’t sit easily in the passenger seat when my oldest drives. Yes, Patrick’s 30, and a good, experienced driver. He’s driven everywhere, including cross-country.

He’s just still a little…”speedy” for my taste. No doubt, I have “P.T.S.D.” from teaching him to navigate our narrow, curvy Connecticut roads so long ago. To this day, I’m still clutching the armrest as we zoom along, a frozen smile on my face. 

They’re tough— I know I’m stating the obvious, but males are different. My youngest Paul works in a professional kitchen, where he does an assortment of tasks, many physically demanding. Most women would have a rough time, to say the least. I’d be taken out on a gurney.

Paul comes home each day, muscles tired and achy, but still with a smile and kind words. And I’m filled with admiration. I see how you have to be strong to be a man, not just physically, but mentally too.

They do things that make you happy – I’m blessed with a chef and a musician. Once in a great while, the stars align (sometimes on a Sunday afternoon) and Paul cooks while Patrick sings and plays one of hundreds of songs he knows on his guitar.

Ahh… the sounds of chicken cutlets sizzling (and I’m not doing it) along with Bob Dylan. I took it for granted when they both lived at home. I don’t anymore.

They come in handy – You know that household job you and your husband hate, that leaves you both swearing and sweaty? For us, it’s cleaning the garage or putting out lawn furniture. Installing the annual Christmas tree also comes to mind.

Well, we made a great discovery. We have grown sons! For the price of a good meal, we now bribe them for free labor. They do something in 15 minutes it would take us 4 cranky hours to do. We’re happy. They’re happy. Problem solved.

They’re brave – On a trip to Ireland last summer, my sons and I climbed the narrow, claustrophobic, medieval stairs of Blarney Castle. I was terrified and almost turned back. But Patrick (who was probably just as nervous as me) held out his hand. “You can do this, Mom.” Paul was in back. “Just take it slow,” he advised.

Hey, wait a minute. That’s the same voice I used on them when they were afraid to go to nursery school. And like so long ago, that reassuring tone worked. I ascended to the top, with the help of one son ahead, and one behind. Their bravery inspired me.

They’re sweet – In the early years, I’d get birthday or Mother’s Day cards with either bodily function humor or “Hope your day is pleasant.” Now they give me cards that make me weep with sentimentality.

They’re quick with hugs and a kind word. Paul comes to talk to me every night, filling me in on his day and inquiring how mine was. Is this the same middle-schooler who used to stomp around with a Mohawk haircut and braces?

They’re funny — When they were little, they made me laugh with their cute kid stuff. What I didn’t realize was they’d keep me laughing years later. Paul will tell a story about his job, complete with killer impersonations. Patrick will post something droll and witty on Facebook, that gets me chuckling and shaking my head. Is this the kid who used to love “Jackass 3?”

They’re good people – Even though Paul still lives at home, things have changed. He works long hours. He’s an adult. We catch him in passing. Patrick moved out a while ago. I see him once a month… if I’m lucky.

And yes, its right, and for the best, and the way things are supposed to be. I wouldn’t have it any other way. (*sniff*)

Still…

This was my hardest lesson as a mom with grown sons. You have to let them go.

And if you’re lucky, you look at them with pride. You love the men they’ve become…even if you miss those little boys with sticky hands.

 

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Comments(58)

  1. What a wonderful column, so touching. I love the image of you as the filling in the son sandwich. 💕 I think you and Randy done good!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Lee, You’re so funny. What would I do without my boys as my bread! (Going too far with the metaphor?) Thanks so much.

  2. And now their little boys with sticky hands have invaded my home. Life’s circle is complete! 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Diane, So funny. I can’t wait for my next round of sticky-fingered tots!

  3. This brings a lump to my throat since I also have two grown sons. It seems like just yesterday they were playing cowboys in the backyard. They may be taller than me now but I still see those sweet little faces when I look up at them.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Shelley, I’m not sure we never stop seeing them as little boys on some level. I guess it comes with being a Mom.

  4. Here’s another thing i know about sons: As they start families of their own, they have a new appreciation of you and a revived desire to have you around. They think you can work miracles with their babes–sing them to sleep, make them laugh. And you can. And do.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      I can’t imagine the time my boys have kids of their own. I can’t wait to see them as fathers, but I know neither is ready yet. Still… when the times comes, hopefully my years in training will come in handy!

  5. Ah yes, I can relate to all those points 😊 My eldest son is 26 and head chef in a country gastro restaurant; son Is 19 years university student & bar nightclub supervisor (he is very helpful) ; son who is nearly 12 & plays the ukelele & enjoys karaoke; son aged 10 – he would like to be inna rock band. Then I have my darling daughter who is 23. My eldest 3 no longer live at home.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Linda, You’re a busy lady! So many diverse, interesting kids to keep track of. Sounds like they’re all doing great.

    • Liz

    • 7 years ago

    Beautiful – he’s not an adult yet but he’s on the way.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thank you, Liz!

  6. Thank you for this post! I have two sons and they bless me every day. I am going to send your post to my daughter for she is parenting two very active grandsons!!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Pamela, Thanks for sending my post along! As they say, there’s a special place in heaven for mothers with two little boys.

  7. I can’t believe what a wonderful man our son has grown into. In his late teens/early 20s he always drove too fast and was very private about his life – then he got married, slowed down, became more thoughtful and communicative again, and generally turned back into the lovely boy he used to be. Watching him now as a father is just lovely. Who’d have thought sons could warm our hearts so much?

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Leanne, I’ve heard there’s a part of the brain that doesn’t mature till our mid-20’s. That might explain why males sometimes take longer to become fully adult, ahem. There’s a huge difference between my son Patrick who’s 26 now and how he was a few years ago. Its fascinating to watch them become men.

  8. My 25 year old son is the sweetest guy – and strong as can be! How fortunate to have a chef and a musician – sounds like heaven.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Sharon, I love music and food. Life is good. I’m not surprised your son is a sweet guy. He’s got a lovely mother!

  9. I have 2 grown sons and 3 grandsons so, I know exactly where you’re coming from here. I had younger brothers and wouldn’t know what to do with a girl. It is wonderful to see them grow and have their own family.
    b

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Barbara, I can’t imagine when wives and grandchildren come along. Neither son is ready for that next step, but I see my oldest getting closer. Get goosebumps just thinking about it!

  10. My 27 year old son is none of things. Don’t get me wrong, he is a good man. But just not in any of those ways. I do miss my sweet little guy though!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Michele, I think they all mature in their own timeframe. My oldest and youngest are very different. My son Paul is taking longer than his big brother, but he’s getting there in his own way. Like many mothers, I’d love to take one day and revisit those sweet, little boys of the past.

  11. A very touching post, especially since I too have a grown son. And my son is getting married next year!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Judy, How exciting about your son’s upcoming marriage! Congratulations. I get goosebumps just thinking about that time of life…

  12. I was blessed of one boy child and one girl child.
    My husband and I were just talking last week about how my son worries and cares for me and our daughter worries and cares for him. Alternately, while we love both of our children to the stars and back, he spoils our daughter more and holds our son to a higher account and I do the exact opposite.
    Love this post. Thanks 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Diane, So interesting about each child gravitating toward the opposite sex parent. I do notice my boys always ask me out to dinner, which I love. They’re close to my husband too, but seem to feel more comfortable sharing their vulnerabilities with me. Interesting phenomenon.

  13. As a mom of two boys, I love this post. I’m still laying the foundation for my boys who are 10 and 12 years old. Watching my 12 year old become a teenager instills pride, heartbreak and worry in me all at the same time. I love your website!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Valerie, Thanks so much. Its wonderful watching our children go from boys to men. Sounds like you’re going through what every Mom experiences. Its a mixed bag, but very rewarding.

  14. Yes. YES YES YES and YES

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thanks, Michelle!

  15. I really enjoyed reading this Laurie! I have 3 grown up daughters, so have never experienced the joy o having sons. Your boys sound delightful.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Debbie, My boys are great. I’m very lucky. Just had friends today with a friend with 3 daughters. I told her I can’t imagine having all that female energy in the house!

  16. I absolutely love this post! I have 3 sons – 25, 22, and 16. My oldest has turned out to be a wonderful man. My middle son is still finding his way. My youngest is in the we won’t mention it teenage phase. Cheers!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Monica, Having two sons was challenging. I can’t imagine having three. Kudos to you and your husband!

  17. Aww. I only have girls, but actually I would hope they will be all these things too! Perhaps not the driving too fast bit!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Lucy, I would love to see a list like this for girls. Never having had girls, I’m curious to see the similarities and differences.

  18. This made me tear up. I have growing sons and it feels so similar. I am petrified of the driving. I love you chicken cutlet Dylan moment.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Anna, Yes, of all the childhood traumas we faced, them learning to drive was probably the hardest. I still get hives!

  19. You made it up the castle stairs with the help of one son ahead and the other behind. That metaphor brought tears to my eyes. Congratulations, you raised them well!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Linda, Thanks so much. I can only take partial credit for what they became. They did the rest.

  20. So true. My son is one of the great joys of my life. Thanks for sharing your special moments.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Shari, Sons bring both humor and joy to life. So glad you have one too.

  21. Yep! Love this so much!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lisa, Thanks so much!

  22. I have to say my son turned out great too. There were times when he was a teenager I wasn’t sure but he cleaned up real good. Wish I could see him more but he’s in the Air Force and moves around quite a bit.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Rebecca, Love that line, “cleaned up real good.” I agree, especially in the teenage years, we’re not sure what we have, but thank God they straighten up.

  23. “As a Mom you’re doing less, but observing more.” I am already feeling this phase of parenting and my girl is just 10. Thank you for this.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Barbara, It just increases as they get older. I’ve learned the art of knowing when to say something and when to bite my tongue. Its not always easy to discern.

  24. My sons are still little and I hate watching them grow up. But this made me feel much better. Thank you. I now look forward to the future. If my sons love me forever like they do know, I will be happy!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lauren, Boys grow up to be loyal, loving men. I treasure the relationship I have with both my sons.

  25. I have just two children: one boy and one girl. And they both just launched in August of 2019, so I’m only 3.5 months into an empty nest. They are both exploring how much they want me in their lives and erring on the side of “not much.” So I don’t have a lot to share. HOWEVER, I am very interested in listening to women who have adult children who have launched years (if not decades) prior. This is all new territory for me, so I appreciate the field notes from mothers more experienced as parents to adult children. This sounds relaxing and happy. I’m looking forward to getting past the current tension!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Karen, I now have one son launched and one living home, saving his money. Plus, my mom lives with us so have no idea what a truly empty nest is like!

  26. As you might know I don’t have children, but as biased as this sounds I’m partial to boys – having enjoyed teaching boys between 16 -18. One thing I know is that they don’t hold grudges!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Corinne, Never having raised girls, I’m definitely more experienced with boys. They have their own challenges, but are generally easy-going and can be very funny!

  27. I love this post! It brought tears to my eyes. I can’t believe my son who was 6 lbs 11 oz at birth is now this hunk with big muscles. He came down from Seattle to haul away a bunch of furniture and junk from my apartment like it was nothing. He’s also an amazing cook (BBQ) but I can only enjoy what he makes when he posts it on Instagram. My daughter is amazing too and is always looking after me but more in the way of keeping me in line and motivated. Occasionally she takes me on trips. Hopefully, again soon when we can travel again.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Rebecca, Sounds like you have two wonderful children! So funny about that little baby turning into this hunk with big muscles. Miraculous, isn’t it?

  28. Laurie, I just got back from a week’s vacation in beautiful Banff, Alberta. We were staying in our timeshare there. Our eldest son and his (also six!) kids were in their condo right next door and I just couldn’t stop watching that son parent his kids.
    Or stop thinking about the baby/boy/teenager he was.
    When did it happen?!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Diane, I know. Motherhood is a constantly unfolding miracle, so beautiful.

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