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You know which category you fall into. It’s rare to find someone who encompasses both. My husband Randy and I are extreme examples of each side, so trust me…I get this. At times, I’ve even wondered if our marriage could survive such challenging, pervasive, teeth-gnashing differences.

Not sure whether you’re packrat or purger? Here are 5 questions to ask…

Can you sit in a messy room without getting hives? I take a deep breath each time I walk into my husband’s home office. Computer, television, CD’s, food wrappers, amps, cables, basses, soda cans, plates, bowls, a small refrigerator, electrical doohickeys, bags of mysterious “stuff,” Amazon boxes, jackets, socks, shoes, sneakers, etc. The inventory goes on and on.

If I were told I had to work in that space, I’d need a week to prepare. And by preparing, I mean taking out each item, sorting into “keep or toss” piles, wiping down the room, dusting, vacuuming, and then meticulously putting certain items back (yes, I’d toss/donate three-quarters of the stuff). Ah… that’s better, I’d think, sitting at the newly wiped computer screen. Now I can focus.

Would you cross a room to straighten a crooked picture? Randy and I recently sat in a waiting area while I endured a hell so cruel I thought I might collapse. A crooked picture frame sat on the wall in front of me. Someone was sitting in the chair below the picture, blocking my access. I couldn’t straighten it.

I felt like I was being water-boarded. My eye kept straying to that horribly (okay, slightly) askew lower right corner. It taunted me. I finally asked Randy if it bugged him too. “What picture?” he asked, looking around, wondering what the hell I was talking about. Finally, when the person in the chair left, I hurried over to straighten the offending frame. Only then, could I relax. (Yes, my husband pretended he didn’t know me).

Do you empty wastebaskets everyday? If you asked, “What wastebaskets?” you’re a packrat.

Full wastebaskets give purgers the heebie jeebies. We need order, space, and unimpeded trash containers. What good is a wastebasket if it’s full or even halfway full? Sometimes I’ll even reach in and grab the only item there because I like the look of an empty garbage vessel. (God, I’m starting to embarrass myself).

What’s your first instinct when you see a messy pile of mail, CD’s and catalogs? If your answer is, “What pile?” you’re a packrat.

If your first instinct is to separate everything into groups (bills vs. junk mail vs. catalogs), and put the CD’s into a neat, alphabetized stack, you’re a purger. In case you haven’t noticed, purgers need order to feel safe and in control. Life has enough twists and turns. Danger is everywhere. Clutter throws us off. Help!

Are you sentimental? Have you kept every greeting card ever received or piece of school art your kid ever drew? Do you have your wedding gown cryogenically stored in a bomb-shelter safe?  Then you, my friend, are a packrat.

Randy has boxes (and boxes and boxes) in the basement, housing collections of ancient things never used – yellowed newspapers, vinyl albums, coins, and political memorabilia. I’ve learned over the years to never cast a threatening eye in their direction. They stay.

On the other hand, I don’t keep greeting cards and have no idea where my wedding gown is. Photos make the cut, as do those cute handmade clay statues my kids made in grade school. But that’s about it.

Maybe all this goes into our personalities. Randy’s a warm, engaging person. He welcomes objects like he does people, the more the merrier! I have my friendly side, but I’m more closed off. If there’s too much stuff, there’s too much distraction.

Like the The Sharks and The Jets in West Side Story, we now have turfs (although mine is admittedly bigger). Randy has his office, known as the “nagging-wife-free-zone.” I have… well, the rest of the house, which stays fairly neat.

And in all fairness, Randy doesn’t see the mess. His brain isn’t wired for that. On the other hand, mine’s designed to see any disturbance in the field, any blip on the radar screen.

I’ve said many times, if you put us together, you’d have this amazing person. You’d have the easy-going charm of Randy with the no-nonsense, heat-seeking missile organization of yours truly.

But alas, that’s not meant to be.

Just the other day, we stood in the kitchen mid-morning. The sink contained dirty breakfast plates.  Orange juice and milk containers sat on the table.  Crumbs littered the counter. “Let’s give this mess a quick clean,” I said to Randy, wanting to get out fast.

My husband looked around, perplexed. “What mess?” he asked.

I sighed.

 

Are you a packrat or a purger? Comments are always welcome and if you feel inclined, please share. Thank you!

Comments(78)

  1. I am an organized pack rat. My stuff and clutter doesn’t bother me..it’s organized. But walking into my husbands office of garage…ugh. I start to sort his stuff and drive him crazy until he kicks me out.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Michele, Love the term “organized pack rat.” You may have invented a third category.

  2. What pile? LOL I’m not really a packrat BUT I am definitely a clutterer. A clean clutterer. I always aim to change my ways but…it’s futile. I is what I is!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Carol, I think its in our DNA. I do find people comfortable with clutter more easy-going. Oh well, we are who we are.

    • Judi Back

    • 7 years ago

    What an insightful and well arranged piece depicting how perspective is often misunderstood. I can totally relate to you, Laurie, ~~I must have order to function and cannot live in a mess~~

    I recall once having to go through and donate a former family members clothing because leisure suits were long gone as well as the need to hold onto every college sweat shirt and an array of hats~~

    While watching a home video he noticed a shirt that was long gone and instead of relating that it had been donated due to the facts he even kept duplicates~~I simply looked out the window and began dusting as he continued to obsess about a shirt which no longer fit and was obsolete~~

    I so enjoy your writing~~I am not a pack rat~~and if anything must control my urges to rearrange magazines while waiting for appointments and also straightening pictures as I notice tiny pieces of lint on a carpet~~lol

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Judi, I’m relieved I’m not the only purger out there. Isn’t that funny, how someone wants to keep a shirt that no longer fits? Let’s face it, we’ll never understand.

  3. I fall somewhere in the middle. I don’t get obsessive about trash cans and a few piles, but I don’t want them to become permanent fixtures. In other words, I can tolerate some mess up to a point…and then I snap and things have to get cleaned up. Not sure what you’d call that.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Shelley, In reality, that’s probably more where I fall. If left to my own devices, I’m very neat, but its impossible living with my husband and son. I’ve learned the art of “selective seeing.”

  4. I am a thrower outer but also eh a little messy too. My husband is a packrat and I am trying hard to not throw things out ha. I actually don’t feel sentimental about material things maybe because I’m used to change, Great post

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thanks, Heidi. I also love to throw things out/donate them. I have attachment to few objects, unlike my sentimental husband.

    • Ann Donnelly

    • 7 years ago

    Uh oh…….Guess who’s coming to my house? Laurie you’re not allowed in my office. 😱🙃🤔🤣

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Believe me, Ann. Nothing would shock me. You’re a monk compared to my husband.

  5. I tell my husband that when he dies, there will only be a little trail big enough to squeeze through to get to his body which will be lying on one side of the bed because the other side is full of junk! Can you guess if I am a packrat or a purger? 😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Diana, You sound like a packrat. My husband would be in love. I think whatever makes you happy is right.

  6. I love to organize, but I’m not always as diligent as I should be, but I’m trying to soak up all that life-changing magic of tidying up, so I’m a comfort-loving unchilled pack-cat who wants to be an uptight purger! lol 😉
    This is fun, thanks. I hope this weekend is treating you kindly, Laurie. Thanks for dropping by my blog party, feel free to come back again and again, share the wonder of you. 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Donna, Loved your blog party! As I wrote, your site is always a beacon of fun and lightness in this sometimes dark world.

  7. Laurie,
    See if you can add a “like” button to your website. I went to push the “like” but I didn’t see one.
    Nice post!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Tomi, Thanks for the tip. I’ll look into that.

  8. i really am a hybrid. I have certain things that MUST be organized a certain way and others that I have learned to let go. I am a sentimental saver up to a point. Some things that drive me nuts are weird. I can’t stand to see newspapers on the floor or counter or junk mail on the counter–I could probably overlook the dead body on the floor, but would gather the newspapers. I also can’t STAND to see stray change on the kitchen counter or island. You can put it on your dresser and I’ll let it slide, but if you want to send me into orbit, leave a couple coins sitting on the bathroom counter. OMG, these are NOT pay toilets, why would you put your change there????.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Lee, Sounds like we’re more alike than different. I agree, coins on a bureau make sense, but on a bathroom counter? I also go crazy over piles of things. My husband could walk over them every day. Sigh.

  9. def easy going pack rat. my husband is too, but he’d deny it… ha ha ha…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Megan, I can’t decide if we’d be better off if both of us were pack rats. I know Randy would be happier not having a wife nagging him about cleaning his office!

  10. I am so in between here. I don’t know I would even notice a picture with cockeyed little and straighten it. But I can’t stand clutter and probably purge to quickly and look back and think: crap I loved that ______!!! and now it’s gone

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      So funny, Carla. Once its gone for me, its gone. I never look back. In fact, I feel another purge coming soon… (diabolical laugh).

  11. My husband and I are both neat freaks – our house is never messy because neither of us could stand it. We don’t have piles of anything and there is a place for everything and everything in its place. It just makes sense to us to live in an orderly environment – it weirds our messy friends out when they come to visit (I think they look for our stash of junk – to no avail!)

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Leanne, I’m gnashing my teeth in envy. You’re lucky to be both in sync. Like you, I love a neat house. I can’t work or live in clutter.

  12. For me, my chaos always seems to be “organized”, so I have no problem there. I am not uptight about other peoples “chaos” either, to each his own….UNLESS I have to live with it. 🙂 If the kids room is a mess, they have GOT to clean it up!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Darlene, I’m not sure how my son lives in his room, which has clothes everywhere. As long as there’s a door, I figure its his business. I can’t listen to myself anymore.

  13. I can not stand a clutter or messy room. It makes me anxious. Yes my husband is confined to keep his clutter in the garage, the sheds and the junk yard, formally a side yard. We are like the Sharks and the Jets!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Haralee, Glad I’m not the only neat-nik in this world. Sounds you and your husband have the same kind of understanding.

  14. So while I like everything to look neat and tidy..I also like it to look lived it…and boy does mine look lived in…I don’t have the energy to keep up with it all anymore…and just where does it all come from…it somehow multiplies all by itself.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Renee, It does take countless energy to keep up with housework. Sometimes I pretend I don’t see the mess, but it catches up with me eventually and I have to clean.

  15. “If there’s too much stuff, there’s too much distraction.” I couldn’t agree more!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Roxanne, I can’t think in a messy room. I don’t know how packrats do it!

  16. Definitely a purger! I love the thrill of having everything in its place. Great post.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Shari, Thanks so much. I’m with you. I can’t focus in a messy room.

  17. Oh, my word! It’s Husby and me! He collects. I dispose of or organize.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Diane, I find we have a constant moving conveyer belt in our home. My husband brings things in the front door. I unload them through the back door.

      1. We must be sisters! Married to brothers . . .

          • Laurie Stone

          • 5 years ago

          Diane, Laughing. I wouldn’t be surprised.

  18. Gaaahh…somewhere in between. I’m not a good housekeeper and cleaning is the first thing that goes by the wayside when things get crazy at work, but when the mess gets to a certain point it bothers the heck out of me – I was brought up in a household where the home had to be spotless for guests and it’s not so much that I mind the clutter for myself as that I hate imagining a friend dropping by and seeing my mess. It’s bad right now, I’m absolutely dying for a staycation to catch up with myself. I do sometimes think about splurging on one of these people who specialize in helping people organize their homes but even just getting one big bookcase would help (a lot of the clutter is little piles of books that collect like snowdrifts in the corners).

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Bonnie, Its easy for messes to pile up when you’re busy. It happens to me all the time. Plus, housework can be boring. I find cupboards with doors to put things in helps a lot. The mess is there, but not visible.

  19. I have reached the point my life where I purge purge purge. That said, I have a tiny tiny niggling fear I may someday regret this 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Carla, I purge, but at a slow rate, so if I’m about to throw out something stupid, I catch myself. However, I have to say, I rarely (if ever) have regretted giving something away.

  20. I am NOT an organized pack rat at all…I Like order and structure, but a little mess every now and then does not bother me. I am a bit sentimental though…its really hard for me to throw away old card, old books, old clothes etc. Is that being sentimental or does that make me a “potential” hoarder?

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Darlene, Sounds like you’re self-aware enough to know which direction you’re going. I’m also not as pristine neat as I make myself out to be, but compared to my husband, I’m Felix Unger.

  21. I can’t do anything ‘fun’ if I feel there is stuff needing to be picked up. That being said, my office is a mess!
    Thankfully my husband is even worse and would absolutely cross the room to straighten a picture!! Lol!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Laura, Its funny, my desk is a mess, but I also couldn’t work in a totally messy room. I’d have to clean it first. So funny how we’re all different.

  22. A pack rat who only purges when kids grow out of things or we redecorate or the stuff is busted. But I feel a massive purge coming on this summer!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Sabra, I love purging. I always feel very virtuous and clean afterwards. You’re giving me ideas about having a massive purge this summer. Thanks!

  23. My husband and I are the polar opposites of you and Randy. I do see the mess, but I have more important things to do. I’m trying harder,especially as we try to downsize, to be better. But, I fear I’m lost he battle!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Cathy, I know plenty of couples where the woman is the packrat and the man the purger. I often wonder what would happen to couples where both are the same. I’m sure they’re out there.

  24. I am in trouble! A neighbor asked if I would come over and feed and visit with their old cat while they were gone for a week. I did but also I cleaned up while I was there and not just after the cat! There were toys scattered everywhere that walking into the house was an obstacle course test. Then the crumbs all over the floor, high chair and counter. So being the neatnik I did my thing and have not been asked to babysit the cat agin!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Haralee, Laughing. I would’ve done the same thing. Its very hard to ignore mess. I’m surprised they didn’t ask you back! Sounds like a good deal to me.

  25. organized pack rat. I don’t care how much stuff is lying around, I just must have it in its own place and organized in a way that makes sense

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Jeremy, I think many people straddle the two. It sounds like you have a good method, though!

  26. I am one of those rare finds. I can live in both…to a point. I work in a messy environment, but it gets to a point where it’s too messy and I can no longer work until it’s completely cleaned and organized.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Jennifer, I know many people who work by a “clean on demand” basis. Sounds like a good plan to me.

  27. I’m a definite purger. Nothing. Enter than donating a carload of stuff at the local thrift store! It’s a great feeling to be free of clutter.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Ellen, I have to agree. I love nothing more than getting rid of stuff.

    • Sandra

    • 5 years ago

    Back when my daughter was a senior in high school, we sat waiting in the doctor’s office. As if in some synchromatic movement, we rose at the same time, crossed the room, and straightened the surgeon’s framed medical degree. I get it!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Sandra, Yes! Kindred spirits unite!

  28. I’m somewhere in the middle. I’m an organized pack rat. Some days thought I can’t take it anymore and purge!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lauren, I need a clean house most days, but once in a while, can turn a blind eye to messes.

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    • 5 years ago

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      Thanks!

  29. I SO love reading this! It helps me to know that he is normal and I am normal. Albeit opposite ends of the spectrum. (Or at least as normal as my friends…and that’s okay…)

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Diane, I guess there’s no right and wrong way, although I wish I could get him to clean his office!

  30. I am most definitely an easy going pack rat. Could use a little of that uptight stuff, though.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Carol, We are who we are!

  31. I think I’m a hybrid. When it’s my mess, I’m fine with it. When it’s someone else’s mess, I cringe. I’m a walking contradiction!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Valerie, Good way to put it. I think I have a little of that too.

  32. I do think I fall somewhere in the middle – I save too much memorabilia, but love a tidy house!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Susan, I completely get that!

  33. Can people change? If I were to label, I would say he is the packrat and I’m the obsessed. But 45 years of marriage seem to have taught him to at least notice. And do a token clean. Case in point: A few days ago he decided to–finally–get around to re-topping the dining room table he built for me over 25 years ago. The top definitely needed help. His solution? Carve off the entire old top, down to the base, and create an entirely new one using pieces of 3/4 inch oak he collected…sometime…and that has been sitting UNDER said table for five years, anticipating this day. He has finally, after three days of noise, noise, noise, noise, succeeded. A moment ago, he stuck his head into my office and said: ‘All done the messy stuff. I’m going to clean now.’ And then I heard him go in there–and do so. He’s at it now.
    I may faint.
    But it just proves that some things are possible.
    And we should never give up hope! 😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Diane, Even Randy’s getting better at seeing a mess and (hand clutched to heart) sometimes cleaning it! God works in mysterious ways.

  34. I’m an uptight packrat! 😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Lauren, Laughing! Good answer.

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