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Imagine sitting in a crowded room with 120 people doing something so torturous, so grueling, so excruciating…you start to question your sanity. This happened to me recently when I attended the annual Crossword Puzzle Tournament at the local library. Hosted by The New York Times’ Puzzle Editor, Will Shortz — this is the area’s annual assemblage of brainiacs, puzzle geeks, and masochists.

I fall into the third category. The tournament is held in the library’s lower level, in a room containing many long tables. Puzzlers of all ages, from doe-eyed youth to steely-eyed senior citizens, are assembled.

There’s a core of people that return each year — the gray-haired man with the ponytail who finishes every puzzle in five minutes, no exceptions. There’s the man with the mustache who always seems to be a finalist (more on him later). There’s the same knot of six women, plying themselves with peanut M&M’s for strength. The atmosphere is jovial with an edge of nervousness.

Will Shortz appears and is greeted like a rock god. Cute and charming, he’s every nerd woman’s fantasy. He gives us rules. We have 20 minutes to complete each grid — the Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday puzzles that will appear in next week’s Times.

First comes Monday’s, the easiest. On the signal, we begin. Heads bow. Pencils move. Already, I’m in trouble. The first clue is: “Group who sang, “Who Let the Dogs Out.” That upper left corner becomes an albatross and what should’ve been a breeze becomes a fight for survival.

In the cobwebs of my mind, I remember it’s the Baja Men, only to learn later it’s the Baha Men. That throws off the whole corner and, for some reason, the rest of the puzzle for me. I turn it in, confidence already shaken. When done, you stand in the hallway.

Soon we go back for Tuesday’s, the next hardest. The signal goes off. Heads bow. Pencils move. Oh dear. Again, the first few clues have me stymied.

And that’s when this event becomes not only an intellectual test for me, but an emotional one.

In no time, people are handing in their puzzles. Do I sit there for the full 20 minutes admiting I’m stumped, or do I throw in the towel and stand in that comfortable, safe hallway?

I battle with myself and finally, with the puzzle three quarters through and not much time, throw in the towel. And yet looking back, I see plenty of people still working till the very end and have to admire them. They’re not afraid to be themselves.

The last, hardest puzzle is passed out. Once a decade (okay, never), I complete a Wednesday puzzle in less than 20 minutes. I see today will be no exception. In half that time, some people are already done.

The reptilian side of my brain emerges. End this torture, I tell myself. The hallway beckons. Get some peanut M&M’s. But no, this time I stay and struggle and sweat and admit to the puzzle-based world, I’m human.

And although I don’t come close to finishing, a funny thing happens. I feel better than if I’d run to the hallway.

At the end, certificates are handed out for those who completed all three puzzles perfectly (wow), even for those who had the best handwriting.

The three finalists are also announced, those with perfect puzzles in the fastest times. This year the contest is between three men, one of them the man with the moustache. They assemble up front to do giant crosswords in front of everyone — Saturday’s puzzle, one of the hardest.

The signal goes off. They begin. We can either watch or try the puzzle ourselves.

I start, assess it will take two weeks to complete, and watch the pros. Boy, these guys are fast and all finish in less than eight minutes. One guy wins. The man in the moustache comes in second. Everyone cheers. The winner’s handed his certificate.

And that’s it. We’re done. We file out congratulating ourselves on surviving.

In my three years doing this, besides the psychological torture, I realize I’ve gained something. I’ll never be a finalist or get even near a perfect score, but I’ve learned to accept my limitations. I’ve learned to be gentle with myself.

Will I do it next year? Not sure. Yes, Will Shortz is cute, but enough is enough. How much torture can a girl take? And yet, when next year’s invitation rolls around I’ll probably end up saying yes.

After all, there’s always peanut M&M’s.

 

(Originally published in the Westport News, February, 2012).

 

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Comments(30)

  1. Such a fun blog post! Don’t be hard on yourself. I’m in awe that you competed. I have skills but crossword puzzles isn’t one of them. Brava! Benda

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thank you, Brenda. I’d like to say I did well, but it was a disaster.

  2. You have my complete and total admiration. So brave! My husband once tried out for Jeopardy and made it to the final round of try-outs before he choked. My young son once won the fastest finger at Who Wants to Be a Millionaire at Disney. He made it through seven rounds before he choked. Both experiences confirmed that it is sooo much harder to compete in an arena than in the privacy of your own family room. Super post! Will be sharing w/ my subscribers next week.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Mithra, I can see how Jeopardy would be terrifying. Its easy to shout out the answers in the privacy of your home, but in front of a studio audience? Gulp. No way. Kudos on your talented husband and son for their victories.

  3. My mother did crossword puzzles daily and went through books of them. I scribble and stress over them. Puzzling definitely is an art with its own crossword vocabulary. Congratulations on completing what would be for me a grueling task.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Marsha, I doubt I’ll do any more tournaments. They’re too stressful. I wish I could relax, but I can’t. Your mother sounds like a pro.

  4. Who knew? I admire you for even thinking about entering never mind actually going! Way to go Laurie!!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Haralee, You’re being very kind. I did very badly, but if I just enjoy it, the experience is much better.

  5. I love the challenge of the Sunday NYT puzzle–used to do them regularly. I’m in awe!!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Walker, To be honest, I haven’t done a puzzle in ages. Come to think of it, blogging has taken all my free time! Oh well, maybe I’ll get back to puzzles someday.

  6. Kudos to you for sticking it out! I have no fear of this form of masochism because A) I don’t think Will Shortz is all that cute (phew) and B) Crosswords are only for the occasional leisurely Sunday AM in which I have no expectations of myself (double phew).

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      I have to admit, I haven’t done a crossword puzzle since that tournament. And I’d like to say I miss them, but…

  7. Holy Wow Laurie! Kudos to you for attempting such a challenge. My hubby does crosswords all the time, he may enjoy this type of competition…pretty neat idea. However, I don’t think I’ve done a crossword since 6th grade – hate them! However, I do like the word finds or finding an object within a picture. Haha

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Laurie, I know there are these competitions everywhere all the time. Maybe your husband should go to one!

  8. OMG this was fun. I kind of suck at crossword puzzles, so I am living vicariously through you.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Michelle, I suck at crosswords too…as I discovered! You should see some of these people and how good they are. Very inspiring.

  9. My brother would have loved to participate in this tournament. I can usually do the Monday crossword completely, but as each day of the week passes, less and less gets completed.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jennifer, I’m the same way. I can barely make it to Wednesday. I find Thursday and beyond impossible.

  10. I’ve never in my life heard of a crossword competition – I think my brain would fold under the stress – I need my crossword dictionary, a cup of coffee and no pressure to come even close to success. Good on you for giving your brain a bit of a boost and for stepping outside your comfort zone – we all need to do that more 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Leanne, Thank you. Between you and me, I doubt I’ll rush back, but glad I did it. Challenges can add to the fun of life.

  11. You always bring a smile to my face. I could see it as if I were sitting there beside you. I probably would be right beside you. It sounds like tortuous fun!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Rena, That’s the perfect way to describe it — torturous fun!

  12. How fun that you got to meet Will Shortz (and eat M&Ms). I like doing crossword puzzles, but the time constraint and competition would have crumbled me during the first puzzle. Huzzah to you!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Karen, Thank you! I found them grueling and don’t do them anymore, but it was an interesting experience to chalk up!

    • Carissa

    • 5 years ago

    I am in awe that you do the NYTimes puzzles and actually went to a tournament! That is amazing! Reading this, I felt like I was there, living it with you! So cool, congrats!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Carissa, Thanks so much. Alas, I don’t have time to do puzzles anymore (especially since I started the blog). Glad I did it though. Fun experience.

  13. Crossword Tournament! That’s sounds so much fun! My best strategy when racing the clock on the crossword is to NOT start at one. And I don’t go in order. It’s just the way my mind works, and most times it works.

    I must know, did you compete again in 2013?

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Jess, I haven’t been to a tournament in ages, mostly because I stopped doing crossword puzzles. Once I started my blog years ago, I didn’t have time (plus I was never that good). I love your idea about not going in order, though. Just go with the easiest clues first.

  14. You are my example, Laurie! Ans isn’t this just a metaphor for life? There are those who strive and keep striving even when life throws tougher and tougher challenges. Those who seem to coast on through and those who never quite feel they succeed.
    But you are so right. If you look for them, the M &Ms are there!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 2 years ago

      Diane, I think the M & M’s are what kept me going.

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