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Life is backwards these days. In what seemed like seconds, I went from many years of my husband Randy away on business (while I stayed home with two kids) to the kids gone and Randy home. We’ve become this interesting hybrid of our bohemian twenties and creaky sixties. Some things I thankfully do less of — like pretending I understand long division or worrying about new driving permits. But here are 6 things I find myself doing more…

Cooking – I guess you could call what I did, “meal preparation” in the early years. At least, I knew my way around a turkey burger. But that’s all I had the energy for. Thank God for take-out or I would never have survived my kids’ formative years.

Now a strange thing has happened. Cooking has become a relaxed, even social affair. Thanks to Blue Apron (a service that ships high quality recipe ingredients) whisked to my door, I now prepare the occasional Verjus Braised Chicken or Crispy Barramundi, almost…well, willingly. Randy joins me in the kitchen and we have a glass of wine while listening to NPR or Billie Holiday. It’s all so gourmet, so Jacques Pepin, I’m shocked at my own transformation.

Drinking – I admit it. I imbibe more. I have a glass of wine with dinner almost every night. This laid-back, oh-so-civilized lifestyle wasn’t possible when we had two sticky-fingered little boys running around. Even in the teenage years our house was a noisy bustle of young musicians and skateboarders. There was always someone who needed to be dropped off or picked up. Being an “on-call” chauffeur meant no booze with dinner.

Now? It’s nice to sit back and enjoy a glass of red during a meal. Sometimes we even have Happy Hour at 4:00 p.m. There’s something very adult in these years I like.

Listening to music – Much of my children’s childhood was spent with me yelling, ‘TURN IT DOWN!!” Between the budding musicians in the basement, and the latest offering on MTV, our house was always throbbing with notes and rhythm.

Then it stopped. Now, strangely, I listen to music on my own, all the time – while making the bed, cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry. I’m not sure why I need Joni Mitchell, the Supremes, and Queen to get through my day, but for some reason, I do.

Reading – I’ve always been an avid reader. That will never change. But in the old days, books were things I grabbed during odd down times. I was too busy reciting, “Goodnight Moon” and “Green Eggs and Ham” to sleepy toddlers. Even when the kids were in school, there was too much to do during the day to read.

Now? Sometimes I’ll look into my living room in the late afternoon. The sun’s hitting my favorite reading chair just right, and I’ll think… “Why not?” I’ll grab my Kindle and spend an hour catching up. But there’s something else. To my sadness, I realize I’ll never get to everything. I’ll never find every great author or learn all there is or meet every wonderful character. But it’s still fun trying.

Missing my kids – In the old days, I reveled in moments alone. Those times when babies napped or kindergarteners trundled off to school. When they were teenagers, my sons and their friends were always in our house. There was constant, “boy noise,” squabbles to mediate, and homework to help with.

Now I make dinner dates with my sons. And as wonderful as these interludes are, they always leave me a little…. wistful. My oldest Patrick is completely launched. I now see his whereabouts on Facebook. And while his younger brother Paul lives at home, he works all the time. We’re often like ships in the night.

I know, it’s the way things should be. But, I’m still (*sniff*)…adjusting. 

Appreciating things — Looking back, I see how we sometimes took life (and people) for granted. Everyone was young and strong. Most of the time, life went our way. But as I’ve grown older, I see things happen. Good, seemingly healthy, people get sick and sometimes die. Friends move away. Parents age and pass on.

I see now how we all have only so many days on this planet. And although I want to appreciate every sunrise and sunset, it’s not always possible..

Still, these years have a way of making us slow down and realize how lucky we are (and were).

Retirement is a funny time of life. It’s like that song by the “Talking Heads,” “And you ask yourself…how did I get here?”

And the answer is always…one day at a time.

Yes, life is now backwards and topsy-turvy.

But I like it.

 

Have you retired? What are your thoughts? Comments are always welcome and if you’d like to share, feel free to press any of those magic buttons. Thank you!

 

Think you know all the “ins and outs” of retirement? Here are some common misconceptions, explained in the latest article by Silvernest.

Comments(50)

  1. This sounds quite lovely to me! I am nowhere near your stage of life yet–but you had me at wine and books:). Enjoy the moments and the ability to slowly savor life again:).

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thank you, Kristine. Its both a wonderful time and somewhat disorienting time. But I like it.

  2. Yes we love our life now. Like you- we have 1 son launched and the other at home but very busy. We cook, and also go out and try every happy hour special in the area. I read and write. We started to really follow our NBA team and we go to games and have a blast. We travel and visit our younger relatives and share our “wisdom” ha! We love our dog and then of course something always needs to be done in the house/yard. And so it goes- fun every day.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jena, I feel very lucky to be in this time of life. Its an amazing gift, isn’t it?

  3. So I wrote a long reply and it somehow vanished 😭😭 You described my life, from kids to activities- that’s what we do. We cook and also check out every happy hour special in the area. Love basketball and our dog. Try to exercise. I read and write. House and yard stuff. Busier than ever but having a blast

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jena, So glad this resonated with you.

  4. My comment may have posted before- but I didn’t see it so I am trying again. Love your post- it’s my life. Wine, happy hours-at home and every bistro area. House and yard projects. 2 boys launched. We now have a passion for basketball and have time to go to games. I read and write. Busy but having a blast

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jena, Yes, the bistros! We have one nearby that’s become my cafeteria. I bring my computer there and work. Sounds like we live in parallel universes!

  5. We had children young and we were empty nesters in our 40’s. At first it was weird, sad and empty. Now we do what we want when we want. The kids and grandkids live close, which is great. I miss the baby years… but I am enjoying things we didn’t do way back when.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Michele, Sounds like you have the best of all worlds — your freedom and yet your loved ones close.

  6. We started our family early and, like Michele, we were empty nesters in our 40’s. We moved a few times, changed jobs a few times, and finally retired to the beach. Our kids and grandkids aren’t too far away so we get to share in their parenting adventures. Enjoy every moment!
    b

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Barbara, Sounds like an ideal life — by the beach and near your family. Well done!

  7. I LOVE my empty nest and semi-retirement! Cooking, drinking, reading? What’s not to love!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Terri, Its lovely to finally have time for all these wonderful activities. Feeling lucky.

  8. I could definitely identify with all of those things. I’m not the cook you are, and the ingredients don’t come to my door, but I enjoy cooking more and having a glass of wine with my hubby. I’m glad you are enjoying your retirement.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Marsha, Thanks so much, but I’m so not a cook. I follow directions (many times begrudgingly), but somehow it works out! Glad you also enjoy the mealtime wine with your hubby.

  9. Overall, things sound very pleasant for you, although missing your children is sad. I’m still at the turning music down stage, but I do worry a little about the house becoming very quiet when my children eventually find homes of their own.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Bun, Its both nice and sad. I love having mostly quiet, but at times, its unnerving after all these years of noise.

  10. It sounds to me like you have your retirement pretty well figured out. For a lot of people it takes a good two years to adjust. Now if we would just turn off the TV in our house and hang out more together in the kitchen, there’s an objective!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jan, Before retirement, I don’t think Randy knew where the kitchen was. Now, he’ll even (to my shock) empty the occasional dishwasher. Who knew?

    • Gayle

    • 7 years ago

    You have described my life almost to a “T”. I retired in Jan/15 after 30 years in the accounting field and was very worried that I would be bored out of my mind. I joined every committee and group that I came across. I wanted to volunteer where I felt I could add value and I found that with a theatre group in our city and more recently with helping to sponsor a refugee family new to our country. My life now two years later feels very fulfilled. I look back on the scared person that wasn’t sure of my self worth outside of my work life and realize there is life after working. My husband (who is still working part-time) and I have done a few bucket list trips and now look forward to a very happy future 3rd act. I have realized retiring is a very personal decision and with a little planning can be the best years of your life!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Wow, Gayle. Looks like you’ve done well with these years. You’ve followed your heart and are still learning and growing. I love that… an inspiration to all.

  11. I am retired now, but do some part time stuff to get out among people because I miss that interaction. I live alone so I need that from time to time…just not every day! And I am reading so much more than I ever did. I read about an hour every night before I go to sleep. It helps me relax…and shut down.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Renee, I agree, I also need to get out among people. I get depressed if I’m home too much. Randy seems to have more tolerance for solitude than I do, which makes no sense because he’s more extroverted. Go figure.

  12. So looking forward to the day…it’s about two years away. I’m practicing the wine and books thing whenever possible, though! And lots of gratitude for having made it this far.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Roxanne, Gratitude is the operative word. I feel it more and more as I get older. Two years will go quickly, but sounds like you have a good head start.

  13. “interesting hybrid of our bohemian twenties and creaky sixties” is way too funny and accurate!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Haralee, That’s how it feels! Nothing has changed and everything has changed. So funny…

  14. Great post Laurie – it sums up so well all the little pleasures we’re discovering now we have time to ourselves but you touched on the wistful thing with our kids and I can so relate to that with Mothers Day approaching – I miss having my kids making a fuss on the day – now I get a phone call *sigh*

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Leanne, I guess that’s the price of our freedom as we get older — those cuddly days with young children are gone. I’m hoping that wistful, missing-them feeling lessens as we get used to our kids being fully launched.

  15. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to retire (lots of unfortunate downturns), but I’m glad to hear about your experiences with it! You sound like you’re doing well so far. Missing the kids? I bet that takes time. Thanks for keeping us updated on how you are doing!!!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Cathy, I’m sorry about the downturns. You’re doing so well with your blog and helping so many. I hope you realize what an inspiration you are. So glad I’ve gotten to know you through your beautiful writing.

  16. What a nice reflection! I’ve been retired a year, now. I enjoy the freedom, but my mom passed away 6 months ago. So, there’s sadness as well as joy. Our adult children and grandchildren live far away, so we do miss them and look forward to visits with them.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Mimi, I’m sorry for the loss of your Mom. You’re right, its a bittersweet time.

  17. Yes, these days of retirement are my ‘On Golden Pond’ days. Sunlit and easy. Super busy, but days of total quiet and time to myself as well. Perfect!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Diane, Its a great time of life, isn’t it? I feel very lucky.

  18. You go girl. You are doing wonderful things. I’ve had some similar thoughts when I feel I should be doing more, but I am busy with my writing and some groups that I belong to and there is always the amazing wonderful moments with my husband and I cherish those. And reading, I cherish that too.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Beth, You and I sound very similar… writing and reading a big part of our lives. I also need my groups to keep me socially active, but cherish quiet times.

  19. It’s looming Laurie – Not as closely as I’d like of course, but I’m catching some of the benefits already! Bohemian hippies and creaky 60’s … love it!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Emily, Laughing. Glad you’re catching the benefits of retirement now — bohemian and creaky though we may be!

  20. Laurie, What a great post and I love the differences in our lives and how each of them has evolved. I never had kids, so I always cooked and fixed big spreads on the weekends and experimented with my friends, dancing to my music… which was and is still always playing in the background, drinking a glass of wine as I made dinner. Now that my husband is gone, I don’t cook for myself and meals revolve around prepared foods and fresh fruits & veges from Whole Foods and healthy takeout. I miss my husband, but tried Match.com and Eeuuu!!! No thanks! Instead of reading, I’m about to begin writing a memoir. Haven’t really committed to that publicly, so this is a first, girlfriend. Who knows… Maybe one day you’ll be reading my book on your Kindle. xoxo, Brenda

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Brenda, I can think of nothing nicer than reading your book on my Kindle! Go full steam ahead. Sounds like you’ve made a good life for yourself with music and healthy food. All wonderful self-care.

  21. Sounds like you’re doing retirement right! Loved this.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Thank you, Barbara!

  22. […] lapses – When Randy retired from the business world, I retired as his laundress. And to his credit, he picked up this gauntlet with aplomb and verve. […]

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Thank you!

  23. Still enjoying them! It’s funny how our lives revolved around Husby’s work schedule for over 40 years. Even now, three years into retirement, I jolt awake, thinking: Ohmyword! Grant is still in bed! He’s got to . . . then reality hits.
    A good reality.
    I love this post, Laurie! It resonates so much with me right now!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, I have to say, I love these years. They’re everything we hoped they would be.

  24. Not quite there yet. But looking forward to it. Sounds like you are doing it right!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, I highly recommend it!

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