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It happened when I least expected it. My son Patrick was in 7th grade and restless, looking for something in his life. One day he picked up an old practice bass of my husband’s. I remember hearing those first tentative plunks from our basement, having no idea they sounded a new chapter, not only for Patrick, but me as well. That day my son became a musician—and I became a band Mom.

My first foray into this world came when Patrick was in middle school and played the local teen center. He and his “mates” were so green they had to learn how to set up their amps and microphones. But they played and although it was what you’d expect from kids first learning, something struck me. Their friends had formed a semi-circle around them, no more than four feet away. I remember thinking what a great way to venture out into this new, tenuous creative world, surrounded by their buddies. It seemed a good omen.

High school came. Bands formed, broke up, and reformed with new members. There were “Battle of the Band” nights, quite a few Patrick and his friends won. I started seeing other band Moms. We’d nod and smile to each other. Some became my good friends.

Meanwhile, the guys started playing music joints in the area. And guess who had to drive them everywhere? To my surprise, Patrick’s younger brother Paul also caught the fever and formed several bands himself. Before I knew it, my car was full of musicians, amps, and equipment.

During this time, I learned God has a sense of humor. When music came, Patrick’s tenuous liking of sports ended. I smugly congratulated myself on getting out of early morning soccer games only to find my son’s band booked sometimes for 10:00 p.m. and later on Friday night. I’d whine and complain since I preferred my pajamas, but couldn’t deny something. Patrick had gone from a shy, undirected kid to someone with confidence and passion.

He and his friends started getting gigs in Hamden, Danbury, Newtown, Wilton, all the hot spots of the Nutmeg state. I knew I was officially a band Mom when I once found myself caught in a Hartford mosh pit, surrounded by large, sweaty teenage boys. What can I say? It’s like being in a pinball machine with you as the ball.

One my proudest moments came when Patrick played Toad’s Place in New Haven. It was beyond cool to see my boy trod the same boards as Mick and Keith when the Stone’s played back in the 80’s.

The years passed.

Now a young man with a day job, Patrick plays lead guitar and sings for his band of several years. He writes most of their material. He and his friends have recorded several albums. A few weeks ago, I watched them play. Adults now, they’re at the height of their power, still young but seasoned musicians, playing weekend gigs for pocket money.

I see my son engage the audience. I notice the silent communication between his band mates as they switch seamlessly from song to song. They know and like each other. Their music reflects that.

I think of that 7th grader who needed something in his life. And I see the things music did for him—a place to channel his energies, a sense of teamwork, deep, abiding friendships, an outlet for anger, fear, love, and of course, confidence.

And God, I’d love to take credit for this, but can’t. Patrick picked up that instrument. He was led by some divine guidance and had the good sense to listen. He learned. He practiced. He made mistakes. He had tough gigs with either no one there or stone-faced audiences. But he kept going. He kept getting better.

I also realize something else. Being a band mom changed me. It enriched and enhanced my life, bringing me into the deeper, more emotional world of music.

Maybe my son and his friends will be rich and famous someday like Mick and Keith. But I doubt it. The odds are against them. Still, it doesn’t matter. Music will always be there, helping soothe the bad times and amplify the good.

Sometimes I see these big musical acts and think of the women who drove those young boys to gigs, sometimes late at night. Their houses probably rocked from the noise. I’d even be willing to bet Mick and Keith had proud Band Mom’s once themselves. They sat in the audience, listening and smiling.

 

Has your child found a passion in life? Comments are always welcome.If you’d like to receive posts by email, just press here. Thank you!

Comments(32)

  1. I’m always in awe of anyone who can make music. I think it helps it so many other areas of your life. So happy that your boys found such a love for music. Congratulations band mom! And wow, Toad’s Place!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Lori. Yes Toad’s Place was wild!

    • Dana

    • 8 years ago

    I always wished I could play. I tried, but my fingers are so short, I have to twist my wrist in unnatural, and painful ways, just to make a chord. Curse my tiny sausage fingers!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Dana, There are always keyboards! If you have the inclination, give it a try.

    • Jay

    • 8 years ago

    What an excellent perspective – and now I wish we could celebrate all the band moms.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks Jay. Yes, here’s to all the band Mom’s out there!

  2. This was very interesting, Laurie. You see, my son elder son has just started playing the guitar and now devotes massive amounts of time to it. On the one hand, I’m happy he’s found a hobby he enjoys. On the other, I’m worried about my future lack of sleep.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I hear you, Bun. Yes, the house can get quite noisy. But it is a wonderful outlet for teenage angst and anxiety. Glad your son has a hobby he enjoys.

  3. My biggest regret in life was abandoning my musical training after high school — typical teen rebellion. I have since picked it up and envy anyone who has the fortitude to take a run at performing on a routine basis. That you support your son in this is fantastic and tell me if we can find his music online anywhere. : )

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Tony, Thanks so much for commenting. Here is a link to Patrick’s band. Just click on any of the titles…http://samsaract.bandcamp.com.

  4. That must be such an incredible feeling. To remember the first tentative notes and now hear full on music.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Its fantastic, Anna. Its been a journey for both of us.

  5. Laurie, What a beautiful touching tribute to your son..it brought tears to my eyes…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Renee, Thanks so much. Patrick’s still going strong with his music. So proud of him.

  6. What a sweet tribute to your son–and testament to your support of and belief in him. I love your phrase “Music will always be there, helping soothe the bad times and amplify the good.”

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thank you, Roxanne. I believe any art (including writing) is a gift to keep all our lives.

  7. I love this. My son was in band, but dropped it his second year of high school. He has since picked up playing keyboards and drums and is writing his own music…and it all started with his sax.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Michelle, I think music is a wonderful outlet for kids. My kids learned teamwork from being in a band. I also believe music stays with you your whole life, which is a gift.

  8. This is the story of two of my sons! Loved it!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Diane, You have two musicians like me! Glad I’m not the only Band Mom out there.

      1. Reading this brought me to tears today, Laurie! Thinking of my ‘proud band mom’ moments in the mosh pit. I think my proudest was my bass-player son getting the crowd to sing a well-known (to them) phrase and smoothly ‘taking it from there’. The crowd went absolutely wild and I could have burst. Music, in general, improves life, but music, specific, changed his! <3

          • Laurie Stone

          • 5 years ago

          Diane, I didn’t know you were a fellow band mom! How cool. I’m always ready to burst with pride when I see Patrick be the “front man” for his band. Remarkable.

  9. very cool. I’ve always wanted to go check out Toad’s place, but so far haven’t made it down there for anything

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jeremy, Toad’s Place is very cool. I was very proud watching my son play on that stage. You should check it out sometime.

  10. I love how music changed your life as much as your son’s.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Thanks, Barbara!

  11. Music is such a great outlet for kids. I pray one of mine picks up an instrument. I love going to see live music so I would be so proud!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lauren, I found with my boys it was a great channel for all that male teen energy, plus being in a band promoted team work. Highly recommend it!

  12. What a wonderful memory of the spark that started the musical journey for your son and you. I’ve been in a mosh pit by accident myself when I went to watch my brother’s band play.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 months ago

      Linda, Ha ha! Glad I’m not the only one moshpit-bound!

  13. Love this, Laurie!
    We ‘Band Moms’ know. We know.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 months ago

      Diane, So very true.

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