50 Comments

    • Laurie Stone

      Carol, I’ve heard many introverts say they love people… just not in huge doses. Some say socializing is like eating sugar. You love it in small bites but can’t make a meal out of it. Thanks for reading!

  1. I like your blog. Thanks for the post, I feel like I could have written it. The library is my favorite place to be. I also love coffee shops, though. I like Carol Cassara’s line… and I think I am an extroverted introvert.

    • Laurie Stone

      Angel, I think many introverts like socializing. I know I do. Its just after awhile, we need to recharge our batteries with alone time. Thanks for reading.

  2. Dana

    Is it possible to go through phases of introvert and extrovert? When I was a kid, all I wanted was to be with people, neighbors, friends, anyone who’d let me hang around! Then, when I was a teenager, I was by myself a lot, and didn’t seek out company at all. Then, as a young adult, particularly at my first job, I was back to wanting everyone to be around me, going out of my way to make new friends, and probably annoying them in the process. Gradually, that tapered off, and I was back to being more comfortable by myself, again.

    • Laurie Stone

      Dana, That’s a good point. I’ve also gone through very social times. But they’re always followed by needing quiet. I can’t seem to have one without the other. Thanks for reading!

  3. I used to be a big extrovert, but after years of being buried in work, coming into my own real world, I find I have lost some of my skills…then I decided maybe I have just been an introvert all along!

    • Laurie Stone

      That’s funny. I think we don’t know ourselves as well when we’re young. It isn’t till we’re older that we find out who we really are.

  4. jmcurran

    One would think I am an extrovert but I love life quiet as well. With no traveling, I am enjoying home, getting dust out of corners, reading and writing. Though I must admit I had a big fat Makers Mark Manhattan with a buddy the other night, and I cherished the company.

    I’m an extrovert on the cusp of introvert. Really, I am.

    • Laurie Stone

      Joan, you’re an extrovert with the heart of an introvert. BTW, that Makers Mark Manhattan sounds good! Thanks for reading.

  5. This could have been written by me, almost word for word. I have someone in my life who is extroverted, and I’ve gotten so much grief from her about some of my behaviors (especially because I like to sit and listen to discussions for a while before leaping in – it drives her crazy. Her prompting me to leap in right away drives me crazy). Now I can tell her “this is the way I am, that is the way you are, and why don’t we both accept that, and honor our differences.”

  6. Linda

    As an extrovert mom of an introvert child, I find myself in tears over this article. I’ve known for a long time that she and I are very different people. I couldn’t love her more if I tried. But we extroverts often feel we’ve failed those introverts in our lives. We are looking for out-loud confirmation of our relationship; something that is often very difficult for the other person. So she and I use texting…a lot! It gives us both a chance to think before we “speak”. She needs to type it out. As she puts it, “I know what I want to say, but I can’t make the words come out of my mouth.” But boy can she put them in writing! After 20 years of parenting her, you would think I would know how this works. But we struggle constantly as she breaks free of childhood and goes out into the world on her own. And I pray a lot! So for all you introverts out there, be patient with the extroverts in your lives. They are just trying to understand!

    • Laurie Stone

      Linda, Sounds like you’re a great Mom. It also sounds like you might have a writer on your hands. If anything, the extroverts have to be patient with us! Thanks so much for reading.

  7. I used to always describe myself as an introvert, but it depends what people mean by the term. I think I’m pretty close to your description of yourself. The reason for my hesitation to embrace the term, though, is that I’ve read blogs where self-identifying introverts say that being introverted has nothing to do with shyness but simply means preferring one’s own company.

    I don’t think I fit this latter definition. I’ve always been shy, but I do like other people. I’m just a little afraid of them since I’m apparently something of an oddball and don’t seem to think about things or react in the same way as most of them.

  8. I love this! I felt like I was reading about myself. So few people understand, they think we hate people and that isn’t it at all. I have been an Introvert all my life and I’ve tried at times to be different but I can only be happy this way. The only thing I don’t like is the doubt concerning social situations I will go over conversations I had, ask my husband if I did ok.

    • Laurie Stone

      Heidi, You sound like a kindred spirit. I have a very outgoing husband and sometimes I’ll also second-guess myself after an event. This drives him crazy since he takes the world (and himself) as it comes. Wish I could have his confidence, but I guess we have to accept ourselves. Thanks for reading.

  9. I spent over 15 years in Sales, albeit as an Account Rep (which means that my primary goal was to nurture clients and grow business within). Prior to that, I was an inside rep who talked on the telephone all day long. So I’ve had to learn to “fake” being an extravert. And over time, I built up my stamina and was able to maintain that “persona” but would always have to spend time alone to recover and renew.
    Now since I’ve taken my early retirement, I’m slowly accepting that I am an introvert living in a world that values extraverts more. Not sure why it is so difficult for me.
    Thanks for the post. It makes me feel better. 🙂

    • Laurie Stone

      Marian, I think many introverts learn to fake it from an early age. It wasn’t till I grew older and even heard the term, “introvert”, I was finally able to learn about myself and others. Its nice to finally put a label on something, instead of thinking something’s wrong.

  10. I am an extroverted introvert, I love people but they drain me. My primary method of recharge is alone time. While I can go long periods without being around people and can’t go for long without being alone.

    • Laurie Stone

      Beth, You’re definitely an introvert. People drain me too, although I need them and miss them if I’m alone too much. But where I need a drop of socializing, I need a river of private time.

  11. I am definitely an introvert, Laurie, even though I can be the life of the party when I am socializing and don’t tend to be shy. I can only stand to be around people so long before I need recharging in a quiet space, preferably alone. I am content with my own company and love quiet time to read, write, think. And I will never jump into the water, I’m always going to wade out little by little.

    • Laurie Stone

      Molly, I would venture to guess many writers fall into the introvert category. Most are readers, which are quiet, solo activities. We need those times to feel human again. I know I do!

  12. Definitely! I’m an introvert, and it does have benefits. And I really believe that introverts are very important. I think that balance is needed – introverts balance the extroverts and perform an important role in the world. (The quietly getting on with stuff in the background role, probably!)

    • Laurie Stone

      Yes, We introverts balance the outward-directed energy of extroverts. I think we tend to exercise more caution in life, which sometimes this world needs!

  13. I loved this post because it recognizes that humans need a little bit of time to themselves, even the party-girls! According to Myers-Briggs (MBTI), introversion/extroversion are measures for how are temperaments derive energy. Introverts need time alone to recharge, even though, like many commented, they can still be talkative and energetic. Extroverts need to be around people and social situations to refill their energy levels. I would classify myself as an introvert close on the heels of mild extroversion (heavens, sounds like a medical condition!). As we get older, we can move from introversion to extra…I know I did in my mid-40s. But I still need my alone time!

    • Laurie Stone

      Terri, I find I love being with people, but around the two hour mark, I’m done. I’m talked out and listened out. I wish I had more social stamina. Some people are just getting started at that time!

  14. I think I am with Carol. I am an extroverted introvert. I love being with my friends and can be very social but other times, I shut myself in. It takes a lot for me to put myself out there with people I dont know.

    • Laurie Stone

      Stacey, I also like people, but I find after the two hour mark I’m done. Even with good friends. I wish I had more social energy, but we have to accept ourselves, I guess.

  15. I am learning more and more that I am and always have been an intervert. I can be super outgoing, but can just as easily sit at home with a blankie and pillow. Depends on my mood and if it’s raining out. Who feels like going out when it’s raining?
    Amy Schumer has an entire chapter in her book describing how she too is an intervert!

    • Laurie Stone

      Beth, Love the blankie and pillow! I can also be outgoing as many introverts can. I guess we just burn out faster. I never would’ve guessed that about Amy.

  16. I think I am like Beth. I am an introvert-extrovert. Someone on FB just shared another article I read tonight on this topic. I couldn’t decide on that one either. By your standards, I’m primarily introvert, but there are times I can’t stand being alone. Other times, like you, I’m the first one away from the party. Been that way all my life. Makes life very confusing. My primary leaning, though is introverted. Thanks for sharing this as a “benefit!”

    • Laurie Stone

      Marsha, I think being an introvert is a benefit, but I wish I had the social stamina of extroverts. That’s something I envy.

  17. I’m a combination of both introvert and extrovert. I do love my time on my own with a bubble bath, a good book and a glass of red. That is bliss!

  18. It’s been beaten to death but it is 100% ME: I’m an introvert for all of the reasons and traits and things you stated above and most of all because I need solitude to recharge. People often mistake me for an extrovert – – until I vanish on them into a quiet space for some alone time!!

    • Laurie Stone

      Carla, I vanish myself. People are always asking, “Where did you go?” Sometimes I’ll even say, “I need my introvert time.” Most understand.

    • Laurie Stone

      Beth, I happen to have a novel I’m working on! Not sure how you could write one as an extrovert, although I’m sure its happened.

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