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Admitting you watch an occasional Real Housewives episode is like confessing you sometimes eat an entire pepperoni pizza by yourself. It’s gross, embarrassing, and unhealthy. Yet…you can’t promise you’ll never do it again. What is it about occasionally looking into other people’s lives (even in a fake, staged way) that’s so compelling? For me, I realized these shows give 5 vital life lessons…

Enjoy the moment – I’m always amazed when glamorous, healthy, rich people sit around a table in the most scenic resort you can imagine. You expect them to raise a glass and toast life…each other…happiness.

Instead they bicker. They pull out old grudges and pick at ancient wounds. They focus on each other’s angry faces instead of the jaw-dropping scenery. (Yes, I get much of this is producer-driven, but it’s still strange). For all the opulence, grandeur and money, they could be sitting in a Ramada Inn conference room having a contentious business meeting.

Watching these shows I see how important it is to focus on the big picture. Our time is precious. Carping on the negative takes away from the moment and eats away at our lives.

Be yourself – I know women who opt for a little cosmetic surgery and look great. You can tell they’ve had a few nips and tucks, but it’s subtle.

On the other hand, the Real Housewives in California take augmentation to a new stratosphere. I’m amazed when pretty women take perfectly good over-40 faces and replace them with swollen android masks. Even worse are young women, some in their late twenties being “tweaked.” Is this to ward off those imaginary crone-like wrinkles of thirty?

There’s freedom in self-acceptance. These shows make me realize that yes, we have to stay healthy and take care of our bodies. But our imperfections make us interesting. I look at these over-the-top procedures and see fear–of growing older, not being “perfect,” not fitting in. And who can blame them? California’s state currency is youth and beauty. But some take it a little far.

Be Kind – Many housewives pride themselves on how loud they can shout mean things at each other. They seek to make themselves feel big by making others feel small. These shows can be like a Jane Goodall special where female chimpanzees gang up on the weakest, prettiest, or one with the biggest McMansion.

All of us, especially women, should be good to each other. We can’t call each other the same ugly names men have called us for centuries. If we expect the world to respect us, we must start with each other. After all, we’re part of a sisterhood. We must build each other up.

Act your age — I don’t mean to pick on the California crowd. I’m all for woman past 40 looking great, but mini skirts, big hair and see-through blouses on grandmothers look…well, misplaced. I can’t help think of Helen Mirren who’s in her 70s and does sultry quite well. She’s not about eye-popping cleavage and thigh-high skirts. It’s a demure sexiness.

None of can outrun Mother Nature. Maybe as we lose our youth (and sometimes beauty), we’re meant to shed some of our ego. By gracefully forgoing our need to always look young, we allow deeper, more spiritual parts of ourselves to emerge.

Live a simpler life — Of course, the poster child for this lesson is Teresa Guidice from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Her and her husband Joe ended up with prison time for shady financial dealings. I can’t help wonder what drove them to accumulate vast amounts of material goods they couldn’t afford. Was it a need to project an image for the viewing public?

Never allow cameras in your home. Life starts to imitate art. Many people begin crafting their world (and their marriage and families) around what will give them more airtime.

And is this quest for wealth, fame and status worth the high price? Judging by the divorces, bankruptcies, and kids in rehab, the answer for me is no.

So often, the Real Housewives teach us what not to do.

These women are no better or worse than anyone else. It’s just their flaws are telecast for the world to see. And maybe that’s the draw, to see people with supposedly perfect lives as messed up as the rest of us.

Whatever the case, the spectacle can be irresistible, tawdry, but strangely fascinating. Sigh. Pass the pepperoni pizza.

 

What do you think of the Real Housewives? Comments are always welcome and if you like what you read, please share. Thanks!

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Comments(40)

  1. Love this post. Good points about accepting yourself and aging. It is always good to stay in shape and eat well, but when it goes too far to be almost an obsession with unattainable youth, is it really healthy anymore? Thanks for this.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Shari. You’re right, I think we have to accept getting older with grace.

    • Dana

    • 8 years ago

    Here’s what these shows have taught me:

    1 Don’t be afraid of awkward pauses.

    2 There’s no such thing as too much information.

    3 Paranoid people are right, everyone is out to get you!

    4 Delusions are just dreams that you can force to come true.

    5 If you don’t have anything nice to say, you can be on TV.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Dana, Thank you. These sum it all up quite nicely!

  2. I’ve never seen it, but I’m glad it’s actually surprisingly educational! I think this is true of a lot of these programmes actually – you can learn a lot about what NOT to do from them! 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Hi Silly Mummy, I’d love to say its educational, but alas I can’t. Its more a cautionary tale. Thanks for reading.

    • Helene Cohen Bludman

    • 8 years ago

    OK, I love this. Why? Because I confess to watching reality TV as well (it’s our little secret now). To find the takeaway lessons in the Housewives show is pure genius. Fantastic post!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Helene. Its my guilty pleasure too. As for finding lessons? It took some digging. Thanks for reading.

      • Eileen Feldman

      • 8 years ago

      Helene, you might be a worthy contestant on Real Housewives of Bryn Mawr! You may need to increase your gym schedule though. 😉

        • Laurie Stone

        • 8 years ago

        You can always introduce that to Andy Cohen!

  3. I had a feeling from the headline that you might end up saying these “real” housewives pretty much teach us what NOT to do! You turned their bad behavior into relevant lessons for the rest of us. Great post.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you, Roxanne. Although well-meaning, these women can be cautionary tales for the rest of us.

  4. I watch a few of the shows–NY, BH and Orange County. It’s like a train wreck, though, the entire franchise!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Yes Carol. There’s no better way to express it.

  5. This is great, Laurie! I have never seen the show, but your points are all valid and I love how you made the “real ‘women’ of the world” real. Being a native Californian, I can safely say that most of us are NOT so youth-oriented that we are trying to look young, but most of us are trying to age gracefully and reclassify what healthy aging is.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Terri, I’m sure most women in California are “normal” and not quite as youth-obsessed as the Real Housewives are. Thank you for reading!

  6. […] 5 Crucial Life Lessons from the Real Housewives by @LaurieJStone What I love is how Laurie always gives her takeaway. […]

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I figured that was the only way to find some substance in this insanity!

  7. #4 Act your age – YES! Well, sometimes I like to act like the much younger me, but my goofy side will never quite grow up. I think LOOK your age gracefully would be a good one too. 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      That’s a good point, Monica. On the inside I feel 17. The outside is what needs more vigilance.

  8. Love this post and my favorite is #4 (act your age). This includes going LIGHT on the botox and fillers, if AT ALL, and acting mature instead of yelling and screaming and backstabbing. That said, I will admit I am a fan of the housewives. 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I agree, Faye. Acting your age is acting with more dignity than these women.

  9. I confess to having watched a few of these shows and have yet to recover from the craziness! Your post shed a whole new light on what one can learn from them. I always wonder what these women tell themselves when they go to bed at night!

    • Laurie Stone

    • 8 years ago

    Corinne, Good question. I can’t imagine living life under the microscope. God only knows what they tell themselves. Thanks for reading.

  10. Thank you for validating my love of such trashy TV. 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      MaryBeth, …Laughing. Yes, its trashy indeed, but sometimes fascinating. Thank you for reading.

  11. Hey Laurie,

    I have yet to watch one of those “real housewives” shows. Just from the commercials, I can tell I’d get angry watching grown women act like total toddlers. I may be wrong, but just haven’t made that leap yet. I think I appreciate Naked and Afraid more. 🙂

    Great post! Hoping over from The Women of Midlife!

    B

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you, Bren. I’m not sure the leap is worth making, to be honest. “Naked and Afraid” sounds much more interesting! Thanks for reading.

  12. Oh yes, living in LA, I can so relate. Some people have taken nips and tucks to an unfortunate level! Scary looking sometimes!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Rosemond, I never get taking perfectly good faces and trying to “perfect” them. Crazy.

      1. I see some really unfortunate outfits too that make me cringe! Yes, see through blouses on grandma-not good!

          • Laurie Stone

          • 8 years ago

          Rosemond, We all have those outfits, don’t worry. I know sometimes I dress too young for my age, but can’t help it. Thanks so much for reading.

  13. Hi Laurie! I can honestly say that I have never once watched this show, but I do believe that we can learn something from just about everything we encounter so I applaud you for finding these nuggets of positivity! And honest, they are better than watching news shows about politics right now. ~Kathy

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Kathy, I laud you for escaping the “Real Housewives” abyss. I’m happy to report I haven’t seen one in quite a while, but was addicted for a time. And I agree– anything’s better than news shows about today’s politics! Thanks for reading.

  14. I have always been repulsed by these reality TV shows. It’s all about people behaving badly so it’s no wonder manners and civility have gone to hell.. Love your comments. I also wish women would stop calling each other “bitch” which I also find repugnant and disrespectful.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 12 months ago

      Leslie, Yes, the ‘bitch’ thing to each other is awful, even in a kidding way. It looks so ignorant.

  15. I hate admitting I watch some of the franchises. But they are getting so awful. The worst of women.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 12 months ago

      Lauren, I’ll only watch BH and when they start screeching at each other, I fast-forward.

  16. And it’s only gotten worse I am down to only NY and BH . They are all equally awful behaving women.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 12 months ago

      Carol, I quit NY years ago. Truly can’t stomach listening or watching Ramona. She’s like nails on a chalkboard to me.

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