PR-1708-boom0_2644835a

PR-1708-boom0_2644835a

Some parents can’t wait for their kids to move out. Others talk nostalgically about the patter of little feet or living with exciting, high-drama teenagers. Me? I wouldn’t know. I still have my twenty-something sons living under my roof. And although I know this situation’s temporary, here are 5 things I’ve grown to love…

They’ve come into their own – There’s no way to sugarcoat this. Both my boys were “grade-challenged” in high school. Being musicians, they had no interest in standardized testing, textbooks, or Darwinian theory.

During those years I bribed, threatened, cajoled, and begged them to apply themselves… to no avail.

Finally, at my wit’s end, I did the only thing left. I prayed to the universe. Please, I asked, show them (and me) my sons’  own brand of genius. Who are they besides good kids who make lots of noise in my basement?

And what do you know…the universe answered.

By divine intervention, both guys graduated high school and squeaked into local colleges. And then something even more wondrous happened.

Sensitive, perceptive Patrick found his calling in psychology. He now counsels special-needs teenagers. And even more incredible, the guy who was allergic to classrooms is going for his masters.

My youngest son Paul who loved to taste, smell, and touch anything (much to my horror during his childhood) found his passion in cooking. He’s now finishing up culinary training.

And this leads me to the next nice thing about having them home…

The free goods and services — I’ve written before about the miraculous luck of having a son who knows his way around a kitchen. I’m still pinching myself over pointing to a picture on Pinterest and asking, “Can you make this?”  Paul will nod, buy ingredients, cook a perfect meal, and clean up. Need I say more?

What I could never have predicted was having an on-site therapist. “I’m having one of those days when I feel everyone’s doing better than me,” I grumbled to Patrick recently. He calmly explained. “That’s normal. We all have that. The trick is not comparing. Run your own race.”

This was from the kid who used to jump on furniture. Many times over the past year Patrick’s rational, soothing presence has talked me off the ledge. 

I’ll miss that.

They’re off the payroll (mostly) — Youngest Paul still needs help since he’s a student, but Patrick’s financially independent. He works full-time and from car repairs to clothing, pays his own way. I’m proud of that. Meanwhile, he’s saving to rent his own place.

Will he pass up a free meal at a fancy restaurant? Did any of us at his age? No. And yes, he’s not shy about ordering the more high-priced items on the menu, something his budget doesn’t allow. But in the way our parents treated us, Randy and I have grown to like treating our guys.

Maybe someday they’ll spoil us from time to time.  I can dream, can’t I?

Their music – Sometimes I’ll walk into the kitchen in the early morning. The light will be hitting the room just right. Patrick’s strumming his acoustic before going to work. It sounds so sweet.

Paul plays drums in the basement, which I admit, is a different vibe than hearing “Landslide” on the 6-string. But even these sounds have grown on me. That steady percussion is like our house’s heartbeat.

I love these impromptu concerts. I’ll miss them.

My sons are good company – Sometimes my kids and I will sit around the table just shooting the breeze. We’ll laugh over old memories. We’ll debate politics. We’ll catch up on friends and classes and work. And without fail, I always walk away grateful. I not only love my kids, but like them.

And yes, someday they’ll be gone…

Randy and I will be cooking our own meals. I’ll have to work out life’s dilemmas on my own. The house will be quiet without guitars and drums.

A big part of me is ready. I’m already eying Patrick’s space for a much-needed guestroom.

But another part is sad. A long, wonderful era will be over, the years I lived with my children.

And there’s one more emotion hiding underneath — relief. I wasn’t sure what to expect during those tumultuous high school years. I wasn’t sure how my boys would turn out.

But to their everlasting credit, they made it. They became men, and good ones at that. I couldn’t be more proud.

Thank you, Universe.

 

Do you have an almost-empty nest?   Comments are always welcome and if you like, please share. Thank you!

Comments(54)

    • Dana

    • 8 years ago

    Sounds like you’ve got a couple of great kids! Way to go! Oh, and start expecting the girls to be beating a path to thier door, soon! 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you, Dana. The girls have already started the path. My guys are lucky.

        • Dana

        • 8 years ago

        It sounds like the girls they choose will be the lucky ones! 🙂

          • Laurie Stone

          • 8 years ago

          Thank you!

    • Erik Erikson

    • 8 years ago

    Great piece Laurie. We have our 15 year old Emily at home and some days I just sit there wishing for those past days of a little kid running round the house or looking forward to the day when she will snap out of this current stage. How long can a person sit in their bedroom on a perfectly fine day? When will she agin answer a question in more than one syllable? I know she has all the ingredients to be all that we want her to be. I see it shine through on occasion, but this age is sometimes so frustrating. You give me hope. Thanks for sharing.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Erik, Judging by myself at that age, I can only give consolation. I’m not sure how my parents survived. The good news is she’ll mature and someday be not only your daughter, but one of your best friends. Thanks for reading.

  1. My nest has been empty for a few years now but I could identify with everything you said. Three sons, huge relief at the men they’ve become when teenagehood was so very trying – and terrifying. Now my home is often filled with the patter of tiny granddaughter Goddess feet (four of them!) and when they go home with their dads and mums, Hubby and I revel in the quiet space. Fear of the adjustment to an empty nest was much worse than the actual transformation.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Tamuria, How nice to have granddaughters, after all that maleness. I have to admit, all that quiet sounds really nice. Thanks for reading.

    • Liv

    • 8 years ago

    Not a phase I’m looking forward to.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I’ll surely miss them when they’re gone. Thanks for reading.

    • Lea Sylvestro

    • 8 years ago

    Loved reading the way your kids’ interests and disquieting habits turned into career paths and talents. Envy Patrick’s ability to translate a yummy Pinterest item into a delicious dinner! Happiness. As to the empty nest, I still get nostalgic when spotting a little one in a shopping cart, wishing I had one of my kids still in mine. It’s such an adjustment once they leave home…but you do get used to the freedom and the ability to move by your own rhythms again.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Lea, to be honest I”m ready to get that extra guest room, but while the guys are home, I enjoy them. Thanks for reading!

  2. There is nothing more rewarding than growing-up our children and seeing them sprout into wonderful adults. Good job, mom!! My youngest daughter has graduated and passed a particular exam for a licence needed to practice. She has several jobs she is applying for then she will be gone! She’s 28 and had a long, circuitous route to college graduation. My husband and I have been married 2.5 years, so we’re looking forward to the empty nest!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I agree Terri. Watching those little tots sprout up into fully-functional adults is incredibly rewarding. Thanks for reading.

  3. No empty nest for me yet, but it’s bound to happen someday. After it happens, I’ll definitely be sad about it most the time — but not when I’m trying to get into the bathroom in the morning.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Bun, Most parents adjust quite well, not only to the empty bathroom but to the next, exciting phase of life. I’m sure you’ll be one of them.

  4. Oh, this is fantastic. My son is a senior in college and we just had a really nice winter break – including enjoying his cooking!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Sounds like you have a chef, Coco. Congratulations!

  5. In India it’s very common for adult children to live at home. However, I’m well aware how different it is in the US. Your boys sound lovely and you must enjoy the blessing of their presence!

    • Laurie Stone

    • 8 years ago

    Thank you, Corinne. They’re great guys and I’m very lucky.

  6. Our surviving son moved back home a couple of months ago to accept a job with Amazon. He had been out of the house for ten years! I am savoring this time too, I know it won’t last forever. I marvel at how grown-up and confident he is, how capable, and wise.

    I loved hearing about your sons and your journey, what delightful young men! Wishing you many moments of just shooting the breeze around the table.

    PS: I love your blog design with the books, reminds me of my house.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you so much, Terri. Your son sounds delightful as well. How nice it is to watch our children grow. And thank you for mentioning the book design. I love it too!

  7. Gives me hope. We only have one chick in our nest but he is allergic to classrooms, the word ‘school’ and ‘learn’. He’s coming round to the idea of ‘education’ He is 8! I’m determined to help him broaden out his world and keep offering activities. At first it is ‘No’ but then he likes it. At the moment his 2 obsessions are pigeons and computer animation.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Jennie, Your boy will find his way. They all do. Its nice that he has passions now. Sometimes they’re a key to what he’ll want to do when older. Thanks for reading.

  8. I’m so encouraged by your story! It helps to have hope for my own kids once they’re out on their own path. So lovely to hear how your boys have come into their own, as well. Not to mention, having a personal chef in your kitchen would be awesome!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Laurie. Although we’re ready to have the house to ourselves, we have great sons. We’re lucky. Thanks for reading.

  9. Loving and liking them…yes, it’s grand! My two sons (and my daughter too) are all off the payroll, and are parents themselves now. I find a slight shift in the relationships we have, and can have conversations with them as adults. I don’t think it scares any of us! This was a lovely post and a tribute to you and your sons.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Risa, thanks so much for your lovely comments.

  10. Oh the ups and downs of the empty nester life! One day your ready for them to leave and the next day you can’t imagine how sad you’ll be when they go. So glad you are taking each moment and day as it comes to enjoy and savor the grown ups they have become! Congrats on a job well done. Heck-free music, cooking and therapy is a good deal.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Lori. Couldn’t agree more on liking the free goods and services! Thanks for reading.

  11. Beautiful post. It sounds like you’ve done a wonderful job with your sons, and you should be proud. My sons are still very young and already – already – I am dreading the day they move out. I’d love to keep them around forever.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Faye, My oldest is moving out in a few days and I admit the feelings are bittersweet. Its definitely the end of an era.

  12. our “kids” left home years ago to go to uni and then stayed away when they found jobs and partners. I love that the transition was fairly easy for us – we knew they’d leave and we prepared them and ourselves so they could be independent. I still love it when they come home to visit though 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Leanne, Our oldest is moving out in a few days and I have to admit, the feeling’s bittersweet. Still, I’m ready. Its time.

  13. My kids are so little so I find this quite amazing!!!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Stacey, I would’ve found it amazing also many years ago. But time goes fast!

  14. I have 5 children – eldest son left home to live with his dad at the age of 16 (he is now 26 & looking for his own flat to buy); my daughter left home at 18 as part of her trainee hotel management course … at 22 she has a good assistant manager position in a hotel & lives in a flat nearby with her boyfriend; my 18 year old son is about to leave for University this September…just leaving my two young sons 9 & 10. Looking back, I left home at 21 when I first got married; my younger sister left home at 17 to pursue her holiday camp entertainer job dream! I never really thought about the nest emptying – my children just seemed to embark on their own lives and left us with empty rooms … almost time to downsize! 😊

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Linda, A lot of people had your experience, but my kids needed a little more nudging. My oldest is moving in a few days and its very bittersweet. Its the right thing to do, but I’ll miss him.

  15. This is beautiful. They sound like wonderful young men. &, yes, you definitely got lucky on how useful they are – a therapist and a chef in the house sounds fantastic!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      My therapist is about to move out… sniff, sniff. All for the best, however, and I get that guest room.

  16. Laurie, again your post captures my heart! Your sons sound delightful–good job, mom! My 28-yr old daughter still occupies her old bedroom and has finished college. If all goes well, she will move out of town completely for a job as a recreation therapist for a state psychiatric hospital. Not sure who I will miss more, her or her sweet dog!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      That can be hard when they have pets and they go too! I feel your pain, Terri.

  17. So nice to read of parents who enjoy their grown children. You have two winners, Laurie!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Molly. They’re good kids and Patrick is moving out in two days. I’ll get that much coveted guest room!

  18. My kids have been gone for years, but while one is usually in a different time zone

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Rena, I can’t imagine my kids in different time zones. That would be an adjustment!

  19. How wonderful it is to see your kids ease into adulthood! Both of ours are on their own -two years now!- but they both come over nearly every Sunday for dinner and it’s so great to sit and talk and laugh as we use to but also to hear them talking together with their sig others like adults one minute then like the kids they were the next.
    This chapter of all our lives is still being written. It’s a treat to be able to enjoy it.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Laura, Its funny, my son Patrick has moved out, but he also comes over every Sunday. I can’t help compare it to when he was little. Each foray out on the playground was followed by a quick hug by Mom. Children need to balance independence with security. Maybe those Sunday dinners are the same thing.

  20. I was distraught when I knew my youngest was ready to move out, but now she lives fives miles away and comes over regularly leaves a mess and goes home. Feels like old times lol!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Rena, Laughing. Yes, the mess part never seems to end.

  21. This is a lovely read…I kind of put my parents in your shoes and wondered how much prayer they said for me while growing up….I know they still pray for me and it’s amazing how their faces light up when I accomplish something new..Have a lovely 2018

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Phaytea, Thank you. You also have a lovely 2018. Your parents still pray for you and always will… that’s being parents.

  22. My 2 kids were out of the house early. My son joined the Air Force when he was 18 and has been in for 10 years, and my daughter moved out to go to college. She lives in the same city but has always been independent and has a great job. I’m a little envious that you still have your 2 boys with you. Enjoy it while you can and it’s great that they are both coming into their own. Nice also to have strong boys if you need something moved and help with expenses.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Rebecca, Patrick, my oldest, has moved out, but Paul’s still home. I miss Patrick a lot and if I’m lucky, can lure him for a dinner every few weeks.

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