86 Comments

  1. What a beautiful post. My husband and I rarely work from home together, but when we do he’s in hiding upstairs in his office/man cave. 😉 But I like the way you wrapped this up!

    • Laurie Stone

      Thank you, Andrea. All I can say is thank God for man caves. I’m not this arrangement could survive without one.

  2. This has been our arrangement often in my husband’s consulting career. It is incredible how close you can become when you don’t have the pull of kids, AND how you realize you need the space between you too. Adjustment, yes, in a mostly good way I think.

    • Laurie Stone

      I agree Susan. I feel after raising our sons, Randy and I now have the time and space to get reacquainted. It’s a good thing. Thanks for reading.

  3. This. We’ve had lunch tension.

    My husband took a leave of the work he was doing and is home now full time. I work from home and I don’t always eat a full meal at lunch. Some days I see myself in the kitchen at breakfast, lunch and then dinner like a short order cook. Some days that’s fine, but most not… nipping that, once again, in the bud!

    • Laurie Stone

      Smart, Jacqueline. I also saw that getting into this habit would be never-ending. Better to teach husband how to navigate the kitchen (and learn important life skills) than start pulling out your hair.

  4. Since moving to plant a church last summer, my husband is also working from home. Mostly, I like it better than when he worked at a church office, but he also leaves plenty for meetings and such, so he isn’t here 24/7. I do love the spontaneous lunch dates. A lot.

    • Laurie Stone

      I find it mostly nice to have my husband home. We stay out of each other’s way and it works. Thanks for reading.

  5. my husband has studied/worked from home for the last several years and yes there are pros and cons. I love having him around and then I get annoyed that he’s around. I love the flexibility and then I get annoyed that he isn’t working 9-5. I love the freedom but miss the regular income. It’s a Catch 22 situation for me and I still ride the roller coaster a bit. I work a lot less now and that has helped me handle the resentment of leaving to go to work while he got to stay home all day!

    • Laurie Stone

      I totally get that, Leanne. Sometimes I miss the days of having the house to myself. Other times I like the company. Its constantly changing.

  6. Ann

    Great blog. I read this from the vantage point of knowing that husband and wife team. You are both bright, funny and a blast to be around. Therefore I totally understand why you!’re enjoying each others company.

  7. What a fun and lovely post! I thoroughly enjoyed the read; it made me smile. In several areas, it feels as if your husband and I might share some common ancestors. We also have a room in our home designated “his” which I diligently pretend does not exist. He also likes to create fun, slightly dangerous sculptures out of the dishes!

  8. Enjoyed your post, Laurie. My husband and I married rather late – when he had given up working a full time job and I deciding to junk my business to move to where he was. Initially it was hard for me to adjust to being married and sharing the same work space. Now I love our life where we can take a break some days and even have a lie down in the middle of the day!

    • Laurie Stone

      Sandra,

      I tread carefully on the stuff that drives me super crazy, but thankfully they are small, not big. Thanks for reading.

  9. Based on what you say, I think things have worked out for the best overall. It’s always nice to have somebody around to talk to if things get a little lonely. (Having said that, I’m not sure my wife feel quite the same way about it.) 🙂

    • Laurie Stone

      Bun, I agree, it is always nice to have someone around. Thank God, for the most part Randy and I stick to our separate corners. I think that helps. And I bet your wife enjoys having you around.

  10. Ah, the words compromise and patience never go out of style in a marriage, do they? It sounds like you are both navigating the new waters quite well.

  11. I love the way you’re navigating this new territory and that you have found you are still the best friends you always were. I think many people dread this point in time because their lives have separated over the years, and it takes some sensitivity to negotiate a new path through the new roles. I’m looking forward to more time with my hubby one of these days 🙂 Great post 🙂

  12. My husband always worked from home, and I was the one with long hours away. Now I am winding down – part-time and will be fully retired soon. It’s been an adjustment. I love him, but maybe not ALL the time!

  13. I love having my husband home – initially it was very tricky to combine both our personalities, individual preferences etc. Now we’re finessing it 🙂

  14. What a delightful post… I really enjoyed reading, you had me on every word. (no scanning 😉 )

    My husband and I are at home together all the time, for reasons other than work… he is a full time carer. And yes, there are times when we drive each other mad, (I suspect I drive him madder than he does me) but for the most part (after a relationship crisis a few years back) we now rub along quite nicely together. … Though in our case it’s me who has the cave 😉

    • Laurie Stone

      Oh Kimmie, I think I’m jealous. You have a cave. That sounds wonderful and something I must work on. Thanks for reading.

  15. Ha! this was an amusing read. My husband is actually working out of the house more these days, and I’m a little grateful for that. I’m more productive when he’s not here actually. But I do miss being able to run to the store with out the littles in tow.

    • Laurie Stone

      Sasha, There are definitely pluses and minuses to this arrangement. I also like when my husband’s home to let in repairmen and such. In many ways, it makes life easier! Thanks for reading.

  16. Laurie, we retired to California and then my husband started to volunteer. He needed to get out of the house, avoid the chores and bring back some of the “going to work” habit that he thrives on. So be it. I actually like the quiet time when he is gone to do some of the cleaning chores and to write. We are simpatico, but I think we work because we do have some time apart. Thanks for your post.

    • Laurie Stone

      Beth, Thanks so much for reading. I think getting distance is key to making this all work. Sounds like you and your husband have figured it out well.

  17. My husband and I work together, but in a studio, in another town. And it works great. I don’t know how the work from home thing would do…and I am probably the one who would be distracted!

    • Laurie Stone

      Kim, Lots of together time for a couple is challenging, in or out of the house. Sounds like you and your husband do quite well. Thanks for reading.

  18. My husband and I both work from home. At first, we had a bit of adjusting to this new dance of life. But, we do love the freedom and flexibility that it brings. Sometimes we have breakfast, lunch and dinner together….sometimes I purposefully make a lunch date with a girlfriend as he does with his longtime school buddy. We give each other breathing room. Like you two, we have figured out how to be together and still be independent!

  19. I’ve been thinking about this A LOT since my husband is looking to retire in a couple of years. I work from home, so I’m always here—not used to having someone recount the items on a “to do” list that has nothing to do with me! He took a sabbatical from work last summer, so we had a little taste of what life will be like. Mostly pros, but those cons…gotta work on those!

    • Laurie Stone

      Yes Risa, there are some cons, but you’ll figure them out. Its an adjustment, but if we could do it anyone can!

    • Laurie Stone

      Wow, working at the same company must be equally challenging to being home together a lot. Sounds like you have a blog post, Jeremy! Thanks for reading.

  20. I read this first thing this morning and I’m only NOW getting back to comment. Where did my day go???
    I love this, Laurie. Right now I’m home alone and the Hub works out in the big bad world. But in the summer he has a bit of a different schedule which has allowed him to work from or just plain old be home some days. It’s kind of cool. We definitely have our areas of tension (the dishwasher being one of them – I’m not allowed to load it because I do it wrong), but we get along really well. One thing that works for us is that we are both quite happy to do our own thing in the general vicinity of the other. So I kind of look ahead to the day when he might work more from home knowing that we’ll have a pretty good time. Great post.

    • Laurie Stone

      Lisa, I love that line… “We both do our thing in the general vicinity of each other.” What a great description of a happy marriage. Sounds like you and your Hub are on the right track. Thanks so much for reading.

  21. My husband has his Man Cave and I have my domain (my office/classroom for kids.) We talk to each other throughout the day, but for the most part we’re in our own worlds for most of the day doing our own thing to make a living through the online world. 🙂

    • Laurie Stone

      Crystal, I love that. It’s the best of both worlds. You’re together, but doing your own thing. Well done. And thanks for reading!

  22. I don’t think they can. I love M. but I get crazy that he is home all the time. ALL the time. No golf, no outings alone, just on top of me, or so it seems. Very different from my earlier life.

  23. This made me smile, again and again. My husband and I are together 24/7 and have been for many years, and still I recognise many of the niggly little things, like stacking the dishes in the sink.

    • Laurie Stone

      Margaretha, It was a transition, but we did it. To Randy’s credit, he’s learned to actually stack the dishwasher (different than me, but I’ll take it) and even do a load of laundry here and there! He loves being home, so I think its worth keeping the peace.

  24. Oh, I love this. My husband and I would not last long if we both worked from home but I love how you showed that two different people can make it work.

    • Laurie Stone

      Mandi, What saves us is Randy hangs out in his office so much. If he was hovering all day, I’d go crazy, but we have pretty good boundaries.

  25. You cracked me up, Laurie, with your entry about ‘lunch tension.’ The image of him hanging out like a ‘waif from Oliver Twist’ was priceless! My husband worked at home for a couple of years and it was hard to adjust when I was used to having time to myself on my days off. I love your solution of a ‘honey do’ list to keep him occupied. One of the things my husband and I love to do together, however, is go to Home Depot and when he asks me to go I know it’s date night!

    • Laurie Stone

      Molly, Randy has adjusted well to his role of “house husband.” When he worked so hard in the corporate world, he never lifted a finger, which seemed fair. Now he’s actually become a help around the house!

  26. Haha – saw something great just the other day that was a picture of a pile of men’s clothes right next to the laundry hamper, and a plea to draw attention to the terrible situation of husbands spontaneously combusting near laundry baskets. Can’t remember if it was in a blog post or was a meme, but made me laugh!

    • Laurie Stone

      Right? What is it about hampers? Dishwashers are the same way. Its like husbands are afraid they’ll be pulled in and never escape.

  27. I will also not go into a crowded store. My husband braves them all for me and what’s even better is that he’ll then come home and cook the meal for me. I love spending time with my husband and we do it a lot because our office is our living room since we live in a small condo. But everyone so often, I need to pick up all my things and go into the bedroom by myself. He understands when that happens.

    • Laurie Stone

      Jennifer, Thank God Randy has an office. I swear its saved our marriage. But having said that, I love having him around. After so many years working and raising kids, we rediscovered we like each other.

  28. Gary

    Men aren’t scared of hampers! Men are programmed after the 700th time of being told that they put the wrong clothing in the hamper or it’s “special” clothing, or the Queen of England blessed it and we get scolded we take the “screw” it approach :).

    • Laurie Stone

      Gary, How did you know about the secret blessing by Queen Elizabeth?? I’m going to have to call an emergency female session. A secret has leaked.

  29. I giggled through a lot of this. I love your writing style and how you describe everything so vividly from the stack of dishes in the sink to his unholy mess haha. Maybe it happens more often than not these days, but when my husband started working from home, we got divorced pretty soon after LOL! Not that it’s funny, but….

    Great post!

    PS–I still haven’t found a man who knows what a hamper is 🙂

    • Laurie Stone

      Kristi, Thanks for your kind words. Being together everyday definitely brings out the “kinks” in a relationship. I’m sorry for your divorce. I hope you’re happier now. Many women are.

  30. Oh, Laurie, I so related to so many of your observations! Hubs retired from his corporate job in 2001; that lasted just a few weeks before I begged him to find something to do outside the house (he went to work at Trader Joe’s!) because he’d start asking me who I was talking to when I hung up from a business call. Since then, we’ve adapted, and he’s now extremely respectful of my need for space and quiet when I’m working. And he’s taken on a lot more of the household chores–like grocery shopping and laundry–for which I’m grateful. But while he’s good about loading the hamper, he still hasn’t mastered putting the dishes in the dishwasher. What IS up with that???

    • Laurie Stone

      Roxanne, Shockingly, Randy has become good at housework too. He does his own laundry and even cleans the kitchen when needed. We’re lucky we both have men who adapted. It gets dicey when they don’t.

  31. Yes my husband is around after truly finally this time for real, retiring! I have to put out mid day nuts and raisins and apples and make coffee because he gets cranky without food and coffee and no one , OK that is me, wants a crank around.

  32. Susan

    Love this post! My boyfriend work and live together and we take different paths of interests now and then, never for long though.

    • Laurie Stone

      Susan, I think we need some distance in a relationship. Its nice to miss each other. Sounds like you and your boyfriend have a good balance.

  33. You made me smile, laugh, and tugged at my heartstrings. Loved this post. My husband and I both work from home. I love it. He loves it. He shares way more of the household duties now. He enjoys going to the grocery store and cooking! It is wonderful. He makes the most amazing healthy meals. He never had time to do any of these things before. I still make lunch dates with my girlfriends and he has a college buddy that he eats lunch with. We have this new dance of life down now. It is wonderful!

    • Laurie Stone

      Ellen, I’m a little envious your husband cooks, but Randy has learned to do his own laundry and handles a lot of the repairs that crop up. Sounds like you and your husband have a wonderful new “dance of life,” as you call it, a term I love.

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