You know that nervous feeling you get before seeing a scary movie? The opening credits are barely rolling and you’re covering your eyes? That’s how I feel about this upcoming year. Call me crazy but its like we have several huge meteors out there in space, all ready to collide. Yes, for the following 6 reasons, I have the 2016 jitters…
#1: The upcoming election –The late comedian George Carlin said, “When you’re born into this world, you’re given a ticket to the freak show. If you’re born in America you get a front row seat.” Personally, I never wanted front row seats. I prefer the quieter, back section but that’s me.
This circus hasn’t even entered the tent yet. But it’s shaping up to be the nastiest, most contentious mud wrestle ever for the White House. Nothing’s off limits – women’s hormones, bathroom breaks, schlongs, nothing. And this is just the warm-up. We haven’t even begun primaries, caucuses and conventions. I’m already exhausted.
And the election’s only a warm-up to the main event. We’ll have a new President in power, affecting our lives, shaping the world, signing in laws, all depending on his (or her) mood and temperament. I see our choices. I’m scared.
#2: Strange weather that keeps getting stranger – 70 degrees in Connecticut on Christmas day? I don’t think so, at least not in my lifetime. What’s happening? According to NASA, 2015 was the hottest year on record. Some scientists predict we’re seeing the beginning of a new epoch in human existence. Are we the new dinosaurs, minus the scales?
Still, other scientists shrug it off. It’s merely El Nino acting frisky, they say. Move along, there’s nothing to see.
So which is it? What other climate records are in store for 2016? Can it get any hotter? Should I start planning my next holiday dinner at the beach?
#3: Everybody seems to want to kill each other — For the gentle, it’s a scary world. Its like being forced to sit at the kitchen table with relatives who all despise each other. Violence and hatred keep escalating.
Everybody points to everyone else and says they’re to blame. And I get that. But where does it end? And why can’t we solve world problems with more humane methods? How about a major lip-sync contest? Or maybe a bake-off? Planetary flash mob, anyone?
Oh God, and that leads me back to the Presidential election. Of all our choices, who has the coolest head, but also the warmest heart to deal with all this?
#4: Technology – I look at a pair of nail clippers on Amazon. I decide to think about it. But wait! There they are later on Facebook. And now they’re on the sidebar of Google. Hey, they just appeared in my email. Finally it dawns on me: these nail clippers are dogging me like that college frat boy who wouldn’t take no for an answer.
What’s next for 2016? If I so much as look at a consumer packaged good, will it be dropped down my chimney?
#5: Mad Men is gone – I know this is random, but I had to add it. And don’t worry (sniff), I’ll get along (sniff) without Don Draper. But it doesn’t mean I have to like it. My only consolation is how television has become a moveable feast for the senses. There’s almost too much to choose from.
(By the way, I just tore through The Affair, but then was lured away by reruns of Park & Rec. Go figure. What can possibly be added for 2016? The mind boggles).
#6: My elderly cat’s growing path of destruction – Like General Sherman in 1865 Georgia, Rocky’s peeing and clawing his way across my home. Yes, I already went through this with my old, incontinent dog Simon. What is it lately? Why is it always my fate to be taking care of elderly pets? I’m afraid to think what Rocky has in store for the new year.
So what’s the good news?
The good news is…we’ll survive it.
We’ll survive this contentious, scary election. We’ll survive who becomes President.
We’ll survive climate change because enough smart people are starting to take action.
Hmmm… will we survive everyone wanting to kill each other? That’s a tough one. I’m hoping the peaceful people of the world will outnumber the haters. That’s my prayer.
We’ll survive technology, and no more Mad Men. And somehow I’ll survive one more old, incontinent animal.
At the end of the day, do we really have a choice? No we don’t. Happy New Year! And see you on the other side.
Did I leave anything out? What do you dread? What do you look forward to? Thanks for reading and if you like, just give a share! Thank you.