151043_573872209294597_1957937934_n

151043_573872209294597_1957937934_n

Ever have something you’re expected to do, but never like? As a wife of 35 years, I’ve resigned myself to bed making, vacuuming and dusting. I get almost Zen-like about folding laundry and emptying wastebaskets. But cooking? It pushes me to my limit for these 5 reasons… 

Cooking comes at my tired time of day. This was especially true when my kids were little. I always had visions of Martha Stewart-inspired meals with homemade chicken potpies and raspberries soufflés. Instead my family ate turkey burgers and ravioli. What can I say?  I was exhausted from chasing tots all day.

Even now years later when dinnertime rolls around, I’m ready to put my feet up and relax. I love food. I love a good meal. I just don’t want to be the one making it.

Cooking involves going to stores and buying things. I always have romantic visions of a French farmer’s market. Homemade breads, cheeses, olives and fruit spill onto a wooden table manned by a handsome guy in a beret.

The reality? I’m pushing my steel cart through cavernous supermarkets looking for… fish sauce? Coconut oil? Flax seeds? If I wanted a scavenger hunt, I would’ve signed up for summer camp. Get me out of here.

Cooking is messy. First, there’s the pre-cleaning to get the kitchen habitable. Then there’s the prep with its piles of chopped onions, tomatoes, and celery that get everywhere.

Then, God help me, there’s the aftermath. Pots and pans need scrubbing. Burners need scouring. Countertops need wiping. The floor needs sweeping. Is it just me? I make a simple meal and my kitchen looks like the morning after a frat party.

Cooking means I have to eat more. I know this sounds like a weird problem, but sometimes I just want cookies for dinner. Is that so strange? Needless to say, this doesn’t go well with my husband and grown sons. What is it about males that need actual food at mealtime? I know women who can survive on Greek yogurt for days.

Left to my own devices, God knows what I’d live on – cheese, grapes, crackers, chocolate, pretzels, ice cream… anything that doesn’t involve turning on a burner.

Cooking produces guilt. Crazy as it seems, after all this kvetching, I’m not a bad cook. When my back is to the wall I can actually produce a decent dinner. Okay, I’m not the Barefoot Contessa and I’m as far from gourmet as one can get, but I can throw supper together.

My family seems so grateful when I actually stand behind the stove, I feel bad. We’ve done take-out the past four nights. These people probably don’t remember what home meals taste like.

But I found an ingenious solution…

I raised a son who goes to culinary school!

Yup, my diabolical scheme 22 years in the making worked. My youngest Paul loves to cook. And I think it finally dawned on him, if he’s going to get a decent meal in this joint he better do it himself.

Now (get ready for this), I can say to Paul: “Honey, can you make Chicken Florentine tonight?” He’ll shrug and say, “Sure.”

He goes to the store (happily!) and buys the ingredients. He comes home, puts on classical music and (happily again!) starts prepping. He chops onions. He pounds the chicken breasts and sprinkles salt on them.

He sautés garlic and spinach. The house smells heavenly. I come into the kitchen, thrilled. There’s food being made and I’m not making it!

But wait, there’s more. And this is the part where I want to drop to my knees and thank the universe. Paul cleans up after himself…every bit.

Yes, my son takes ownership and pride in our kitchen I never could. My son is the cooking mother I never was. Within a year, he’s surpassed my decades of mediocre meal preparation like I was standing still.

And yes, I know I should enjoy this gift while I have it. Paul’s adorable, smart, and likes to cook. Young women aren’t stupid. Someday he’ll be gone.

But for now, take that Martha Stewart. Maybe I never cooked homemade chicken pot pies like you, but through some ridiculous, undeserved miracle, I did something even better.

I raised a chef.

 

FullSizeRender-2

Does anyone else have a problem with cooking? I’d love to hear your thoughts… and solutions.  If you like this piece, please consider pressing one of the magic buttons below.  If you’d like to receive posts by email, just hit the subscribe link up above. Thanks for reading!

Comments(76)

  1. I am sooo jealous! Any tips on how I can raise a chef? My fourteen year old may be a lost cause, but could there be hope for my eleven year old who likes to (sometimes) squish the nasty raw meat in his hands? I go through spells where I enjoy cooking but I’m pretty sure it’s something about the stars aligning and the Chinese calendar having to be just so. Most days, all your reasons apply.

    • Laurie Stone

    • 8 years ago

    Karen, Your eleven year old sounds promising. Paul was always messy and loved to touch and smell things. Just on a lark, we suggested he take cooking and it worked! Maybe you could have your eleven year old, ahem, start “helping” in the kitchen. It could be the start of something big.

    • Dana

    • 8 years ago

    And going by the picture, he’s cute, too! Yeah, the girls are going to go crazy for him!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you, Dana. I agree, he is a cutie.

  2. Wow, you are lucky. I don’t mind cooking. Most of the time I really enjoy it actually. I’ll pour myself a beer and pull all the materials out and put on my favorite apron and music. I encourage people to come talk to me while I cook. It’s the nicest I am to anyone all day.

    The problem I have is when things are busy. The first sign that I’m losing control of my life is those nights dinner time rolls around and I’m just flat unable to cope. People start whining about being hungry and I yell “can’t we just make sandwiches?” only to find out the bread’s moldy. Lately, we’ve been doing a lot of pizza.

    The OTHER problem I have is running out of ideas. When I’m putting a grocery list together and say “what does everyone want for dinners this week?” I get a lot of “I don’t know,” and it makes me want to gouge my eyes out. But my son says “mom, what I could really use this week is some of your potato/leek soup,” and I swear I’ll mow throw a crowd of angry zombies to get the ingredients from the store.

    I’m trying to teach my older son to cook something besides mac and cheese. I’m finding that he’s completely helpless in the kitchen (despite loving potato soup). I’m worried he’ll move out and live on frozen burritos and cup-o-noodles.

    • Laurie Stone

    • 8 years ago

    I also like when my family asks for something specific. It makes me more motivated. When there’s just a chorus of “Who knows?” it drives me crazy. Love your beer and company idea when cooking. That definitely makes for a better time!

  3. Now that’s what I call long-term planning. I’m afraid all I’ve raised is two future customers for him. Well done you! 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you. All part of the master plan! (I wish.)

  4. It is my embarrassing secret how much I avoid cooking wherever possible. It comes right on the heels of homework time 🙂 and my most exhausted point of the day.
    I end up going the easy way – – buying whole pre-cooked chickens at the grocery… Already smoked fish :-)… – – But I need to step it up.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I do the same thing! I look for things I can assemble more than cook. It makes the process easier.

  5. Ha! Ingenious! Why didn’t I think of that? I’m not thrilled with cooking either. I do it simply not to starve, but I don’t enjoy it one bit.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Rena, I always envy those women who love to cook. We dinner-challenged women must stick together!

  6. My stepson is the chef in our family (but he doesn’t live with us any more!) A while back I signed up for Blue Apron and while I still have to cook, it takes all the planning and shopping out of the equation and for that I am grateful!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I say amen to anything that makes this process easier! Good idea.

  7. Hilarious! I constantly try to help my wife with cooking throughout the week, but I’m terrible at it. I will take your advice, as well as send this page to my wife to read. Thanks!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Mike, Wow, you help your wife cook?? You’re a hero in my eyes. No need to be Jacques Pepin, the effort means everything.

  8. I am with you on the sometimes you just want cookies for dinner! If your son bakes too you’ve got it made!!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Christina, I think there’s a small sub-culture of people who like cookies for dinner. We just don’t admit it often.

  9. my husband has taken over more and more of the cooking at our place – I love it! The thing I like best is not having to decide what to have for dinner – I just sit down at the table and make complimentary noises 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Leanne, You sound like you have a great system! I wouldn’t change a thing.

  10. I’m not quite as successful as you yet – – mine is 10 🙂 but I’m trying to train her early to love love love to cook. For me 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Smart, Carla. Sounds like you also have a diabolical plan!

    • Helene Cohen Bludman

    • 8 years ago

    Adorable! Both your son and your story. Although I do enjoy cooking, I can relate to much of what you outlined here. And yes, I could totally have cookies for dinner. Which I sometimes do.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Helene, Thanks for reading. So happy to hear there’s another cooking-eating dinner person out there!

  11. Your son is adorable and you are so right someone is going to scoop him up! I love to cook and do most of it one day a week. I make a mess and yes I hate cleaning it up. The rest of the week all we have to do is heat it up. No mess.
    Have a great week!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Doreen, Sounds like you have a good plan worked out. Thanks so much for reading.

  12. Can I borrow him for the next X number of years? It’s been so long since I cooked a meal. Well, sometimes I do. When my son was younger I’m make creative meals from cookbooks but I doubt he remembers that! I make a great lasagna and meat loaf and the rest is c/o Trader Joe’s! (Hello from the Women of Midlife group!)

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Cathy, I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who’s cooking-challenged! Thanks so much for reading. So glad I’m part of Women of Midlife. They’re a wonderful group.

  13. This post feels like you were standing in my kitchen! All the reasons I hate cooking:( And what a great idea, I have a 10 year old son…maybe it’s time he learned:) Thanks for the post!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Marnie, Boys, surprisingly, can be a wonderful resource in the kitchen. Might want to teach him early, you never know. Thanks for reading.

  14. Tell Paul to visit me in Denver! Congrats on your chef and your dinners.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Anna! If we lived closer, I’d send him over.

  15. Food always tastes better when someone else makes it – especially when it’s your kid- who’s a chef! Job well done!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Lori. Food definitely tastes better when someone else cooks it!

  16. Men have always done the cooking in my family. My father was a CIA trained chef so I grew up eating wonderful meals. My husband is also a CIA trained chef. Cooking is not something I like to do. When my husband met me, he opened my fridge and saw milk, beer and condiments. He opened the freezer and found a row of healthy choice meals.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Wow Jennifer, you hit the jackpot! Both father and husband love to cook? How lucky for you. Sounds like a great arrangement. Thanks for reading.

  17. What a glorious piece. Take that, Martha, indeed! I can relate to all your barriers–which you’ve described hilariously–with the exception of one. When it comes to real food for dinner, I’m with the guys on this one! But I also happen to think a turkey burger counts.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Suzi, I think a good turkey burger, with all the fixings, definitely fits into all the food groups. Thanks for your kind words.

  18. Some people get all the luck. My daughter is a Holistic Nutritionist. She comes over to my house like a sergeant in the army and rifles through my cupboards felt pen in hand marketing my food with labels like “diabetes causing”, “poison” and “white death” and you get chicken rubbed with salt and garlic. Sheeesh! 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Diana, Wow! Although your daughter might like chicken with salt (a little) and garlic. Who knows? Love the felt pen.

  19. My husband was the cook. For 47 years. Neither he nor my mom even let me in the kitchen. On my own now, I can barely shop, prepare or clean a pot. But I eat well; grabbed right onto the Farm to Table thing! Baked potato in the microwave and lots of raw veggies! Voila! Luckily my two granddaugters enjoy cooking and know their greatest gift is making me scrambled eggs! LOL

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Joan, Sounds like you have a great system. Left to my own devices, I’d eat the exact same way! Why do men always need meat on the table?

  20. This post could have been written by me! (If I could write as well as you! ;)) The only thing missing is my own ‘Paul’. Could we arrange for a clone, do you think? How does Paul feel about donating his DNA?

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Diane, Laughing… I’ll have to ask Paul about donating his DNA. You never know! Thanks for the kind words and I enjoy your writing too!

  21. Most of the time I don’t mind cooking, but having a live in chef? That sounds amazing!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Kimberly, It is. Paul doesn’t always want to cook, but when he does, its wonderful.

    • Cathryn

    • 7 years ago

    Yes, yes, yes, to all of the reasons you listed . . . and I must admit that I’m jealous that you have Paul. And the fact that he CLEANS UP . . . I don’t even know him and I think he’s awesome.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Cathryn, Paul is awesome, although since he works hard these days, its harder to get a meal from him. But once or twice a week? Heaven!

  22. OMG I am so with you on these things. I actually love to cook in theory. If i could get rid of all the things you hate. If I had a magically self cleaning kitchen, and all the perfect fresh ingredients teleported into my kitchen at the perfect time, cooking would be just GREAT! However, none of that ever happens. The struggle is real.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Lisa, I think the cleaning is what makes me the most crazy. Okay, that and shopping for stuff too. Glad I’m not the only one.

  23. […] morning, I read a blog post written by Laurie Stone. Her blog, by the way, is wonderful. In her post, Laurie professes her distaste for cooking. One of her hilarious reasons was “Cooking makes […]

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Thank you so very much! So happy other women relate.

  24. My eldest son is a head chef …. my 2nd & 3rd son enjoy cooking too. My 4th son enjoys eating all food. My daughter not so interested. My husband can cook the occasional chilli …. but I must admit, I do like being in the kitchen too! 😊

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Linda, Sounds like you have to fight for your place in that kitchen with all these talented kids! Maybe if it wasn’t a ‘should’ and instead a fun ‘sometimes’ the attitude would change. Interesting theory…

  25. I’m grateful that I love to cook and have a gift for it, and feel bad for people who hate it. You can’t eat well if you don’t cook. But I definitely take issue with having to eat more. No way! My husband and I cook a ton, and we have lots of leftovers, making it possible to cook less, not eat more.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Shari, Sounds like you have a good system and I agree, home cooking is much healthier than take-out.

  26. This is so funny, and spot on! I have 10 kids, 9 still in the house. Cooking is an all-day event and I’m not sure I know what the bottom of my sink looks like. I have one son who loves to make soup–maybe I’ll get to follow your footsteps! Here’s hoping!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Nicole, Wow, 9 kids living at home! You must be very busy in the kitchen, I can’t imagine. Good for you, and God bless your soup-making son! That could be a first sign of a talent in that direction.

  27. I used to love to cook until I moved into a house with a hateful kitchen and my back decided to crap out. I pray one of my two sons grows up to be a chef. One of them certainly eats a ton and fancies himself a food critic. And y9our son cleans gthe kitchen? You hit the lottery!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, I got very lucky, although Paul’s eye for cleaning isn’t always as fastidious as mine. Still, he gets the big messes, that’s what counts.

  28. Hilarious! I love cooking but only when i have an entire afternoon to do it! Thank you for admitting to pre-cleaning the kitchen! I thought i was the only one!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Laura, Once in a while, the stars align and I don’t mind taking an afternoon to cook. It can be fun and creative when its once in a while.

    • Jae

    • 4 years ago

    Adorable.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Thanks, Jae!

  29. Still waiting for Paul to show up. Oh. I forgot. Pandemic.
    Well . . . later, then.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, Laughing. I promise he’ll be on your doorstep someday!

    • CHRISTINE L RUSSELL

    • 4 years ago

    After almost 40 years of grocery shopping, prepping, cooking, and cleaning up, I’m ready to retire. I hate it and I don’t want to do it anymore. A supper of cookies or cheese doodles is very satisfying!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Christine, It’s scary how strange are the things I can eat for dinner, at least to my husband. Glad I’m not the only one!

  30. Could you send hi over to cook for me? I know LA is a little far, but still.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Rebecca, You never know…

  31. I share your thoughts about cooking, and think “producing” a chef is genius! 🙂 In their younger years, I tried to talk my kids into being a massage therapist. Neither one took the bait.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Ellen, Laughing. A massage therapist would’ve come in handy!

  32. Clever solution! I encouraged my son to cook when he was a child. He hasn’t gone to culinary school, but he makes the dough for a pizza place — 2,000 miles away. I am happy for your good fortune. Bon Appetite

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Karen, Thank you. I bet your son makes awesome pizza!

    • Crystal Ann

    • 3 months ago

    Here I am 8 years after you posted this, but I just had to know… how did culinary school go for your son? Did he continue his passion & get his dream career?
    As far as hating cooking, I’m right there in the same floundering boat.
    I am always missing an ingredient, I despise shopping especially since our state passed a law attempting to help “save the environment” & made stores no longer provide grocery bags unless you agree to pay 5-10 cents more each bag (they also took away straws unless customer explicitly asks for 1!). Sure you can bring your own bag if you are lucky enough to remember to put them in your car much less bring them in the store. I’m lucky if I can remember why I’m at the dang store.
    The last 6 or 7 years produce just doesn’t tast the same. It’s flavorless, underripe, overripe, funky textures, or just plain yuck. Give me back the seeds if it’ll get some flavor back. We have a growers market but the hours are inconvenient for me & the trip requires driving through town & it is soo congested by the market & good luck finding parking or making it out of there without a ding in your car from an anonymous poor driver.
    My kitchen is small & counter space limited so I’m stuck working in a cramped area and anything on the counter makes the kitchen look like a nightmare.
    My husband is a diesel mechanic and “borrows” kitchen utensils when I’m not looking so they either completely vanish or I’ll find them weeks or months later in his shop (ruined).
    My dogs are so big they can reach higher than I can, lol. So occasionally they will steal something and I’ll find in the yard all chewed up. So I never have all the utensils needed. So my pots & pans get scratched and my wrists can’t pick up cast iron.
    We don’t have or watch t.v.. but cooking is soooo boring so I try to listen to an audiobook when I’m stuck in the kitchen staring at the stove.
    My dad raised me and wasn’t the most responsible so we moved a LOT. I went to 22 different schools before highschool. We didn’t always have much food. Sometimes we’d go a couple weeks with nothing but the catfish we managed to get, powdered milk, and cheap dried out bread. The rest of the time it was pretty much hot dogs, ramen, canned beans, crackers and that gross “puff” rice cereal that tated like cardboard but was cheap & came in a big bag.
    So I learned to ignore the smells of food cooking from places near me enough for it to waft in. Learned to ignore hunger pains enough to not associate eating with hunger so much.
    I was on my own at 15 and by 17 had a job as a manager, my own rental, a beat up car, and a 18 mo. old son. I had to teach myself how to cook and with a tiny budget. I joined the Army at 18 after getting my GED. The cooking I had to do during basic training & AIT was not the kind you do for 2 or 3 people lol. The eating habits were not exactly fit for civilian life either, I still have a hard time slowing down enough to taste the food on my plate.
    Finally the clean up, ugh. Relentless, repetitive & it sucks knowing it’ll be the same thing the next night.
    You are definitely not the only one out there that groans at the thought of cooking dinner.
    P.S. Thanks for sharing your feelings on the matter so I don’t feel like such a sore thumb sticking out all alone.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 months ago

      Hi Crystal,

      I’m proud to say that Paul is now a chef in a high-end senior living facility. He loves the job and is learning so much! Sounds like you’ve had your share of challenges in life, but have emerged strong. Good for you. I still don’t like to cook, but sometimes there’s no choice. We have that in common. Best of luck, Crystal!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *