married-women-sex-study

married-women-sex-study

Lots of people are changing gender these days. And I get the notion of being born in the wrong body. But it got me thinking. Would I rather be a guy? How would it feel ambling through life with better pay, more corporate and political clout, not to mention a bigger, stronger body? Would I chuck being female for these perks?  The answer is surprisingly no, for these 7 reasons…

Clothes and make-up – I feel sorry for men in their staid navy or gray suits. We women are allowed to be the colorful birds of society. I still find it fun to pick out a pretty outfit and put on lipstick. Okay, high heels throw out my back more, but they’re still a kick once in a while. I figure, if you’re housed in a female body, you might as well enjoy the goodies.

Carrying a baby – Not to be confused with delivering a baby. Instead I’m talking about having a fetus grow inside your body. Some of my most profound moments were feeling my sons move while pregnant. My husband Randy could only glide his hand over my undulating stomach. For me, those times were sacred, one of the great trade-offs to swollen ankles and two days in labor.

Raising that baby – It’s amazing when you look at that infant 25 years later and he has a full beard and is drinking whiskey on the rocks. Or seeing your second baby making poached salmon in the kitchen. It’s cool to look at these people and think, yup, I helped make them. And although fathers are as essential as the sun, there’s something raw and primal about that claim of motherhood.

Men – I like men. Men are sexy, funny, and smart. I like being feminine to their masculine, yin to their yang. And though I’ve been married 35 years I still get a kick when a man gives a warm smile while holding the door. I still pull in my stomach when walking past a construction site. I still perk up when that cute electrician comes over. I like the heat between the sexes. Would I trade that to become a man? Nope.

Female friends — In my twenties, girlfriends and I laughed our way through boring corporate jobs. In our thirties we commiserated over diaper bags and sippy cups. During the forties, we bucked each other up about teenagers learning to drive and overdue college essays. Now those kids are grown. And I need my girlfriends more than ever. I love the emotional range of women. We weep. We laugh.  We talk.  We debate.  We shake our heads at life.  We kvetch and lament and rant… sometimes all in the same lunch.

We’re allowed to be vulnerable – One time a friend was driving my husband and me on a highway. Randy was in the front passenger seat. I was in the back. Our friend was weaving too fast, tailgating too close. I watched Randy sit rigid in the front. I could tell he was nervous, who wouldn’t be? But instead of telling his friend to slow down, he just gave a nervous chuckle here and there.

That’s when I understood being a man. You’re not allowed to show fear. I on the other hand had no problem shouting from the back, “Will you slow down? You’re scaring me.” Our friend drove more carefully. Randy looked calmer. “Yeah, slow down for her,” he said. I heard the relief in his voice.

There’s beauty in being a woman – Most women are gentle and kind. We’re compassionate and sensitive. We think with our hearts. We’re non-violent. There’s a saying that women civilize men. Maybe there’s something to that. I see how my sons act when they’re with just males. I hear the gross jokes and crude body sounds. Then a few girls pop over. Suddenly they’re all David Niven –wittier, politer, more polished human beings.

There are people who would even argue women are more enlightened, higher on the soul evolutionary track than men. But that’s a different blog post. And I can feel my husband rolling his eyes now.

No, even though I’d like the perks and privileges of maleness, I wouldn’t be a man. Being a man looks hard and I give credit to people tough enough to endure life in a male body.

Thanks but no thanks.  I’ll stay a woman.

 

How do you feel about being female?  Comments are always welcome and if you’d like, please share.

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Comments(34)

  1. All great reasons to be a woman, Laurie. I tend to feel that women are stronger emotionally. 😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 9 years ago

      Corinne, I think there are times when women must be emotionally stronger, especially if children are involved. Although many men have a toughness and aggressiveness we don’t have, women have endurance which is also strength.

  2. They didn’t title that movie Steel Magnolias for nothing! Ha! And now I think I understand why Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn. 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      So funny, Karen. Interesting that men want to become women more than vice versa. Not sure what that means!

  3. For me I will happily take any of the bad 🙂 to get the friendships friendships friendships and connection.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      So true, Carla. I think being a man would be hard. And I agree, women have wonderful, deep connections with each other.

  4. Carrying a baby: definitely.

    Clothes: I think men got it right with the uniform suits for work. Little to think about, everything matches, and no one notices if you wore the same thing twice in the same week.

    I’d like to be a man for a day for one reason only. No man will answer my question: What happens to all the dangly bits when you run? (Seems to me there’d be a lot of chaffing a pinching going on.)

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Adela, Laughing out loud. Yes, being a man for a day would definitely be an eye-opener! We could finally solve some ahem, anatomical riddles.

  5. Nicely said, Laurie although there are certain times of the month when I’d rather be a dude! 😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I’m past that stage, Brenda, but can’t say I miss it. There are definitely un-fun parts of being a woman. No doubt.

  6. Would not trade for a minute. Well maybe a minute when stuck in traffic and there are woods close and I need to pee, but hey how often does that happen?

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      I agree, Haralee, although the standing pee thing is a definite plus. Strange, for even though in many ways men are more privileged, I would still stay a female.

  7. That female friend notion and the vulnerability Id NOT trade being a woman for anything.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Carla, I wouldn’t either. I feel its definitely a man’s world, especially as women grow older. But there’s a certain beauty in being female I would never trade.

  8. My husband frequently jokes (sort of) that he’s coming back as a woman. He likes the ease of our friendships, our freedom to wear things that are verboten to straight men, our ability to be emotional without being judged (in most situations anyway), and how we are so much more in touch with our emotions. I give him a lot of credit for recognizing (and appreciating) all that!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Definitely Roxanne. Your husband sounds like a smart man. For all the perks of being a man, there are definite pluses to being female.

  9. I agree with Haralee….the only time I have ever think it would be nice to have a penis is when I am about to wet my pants during intermission of a play or show. The line for the ladies bathroom is usually so huge that it is trailing down the stairs and women are lined up along the corridor of the venue — I glance over and see no line in the men’s room and that is when I have penis envy. But it only lasts for a short time. I totally love your list! I love being a woman, too. I feel best that I was born into the body I feel comfortable in. I feel if someone doesn’t feel comfortable in the body that they were born in, they should be able to live in the body they want to. Whatever, that means for them.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Totally agree, Ellen. I think it takes tremendous courage to change genders. No one does that lightly. I also will admit to penis envy with any public bathroom. Why don’t women get two bathrooms? We need them.

  10. I leapt on this one because this past weekend more than ever I have wondered if my life wouldn’t be just a little easier if I were a man.
    Getting heard getting paid… All of it. But you’re right 🙂 I, too, will remain a woman.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Carla, There are definite perks being born in a male body. Still, I like going through life as a female. Go figure.

  11. A great list of reasons, and I agree with all of them, Laurie! And I echo what others have said about feeling grateful to have been born into the body I’m meant to inhabit!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Roxanne, I can’t imagine being born in the wrong body. It takes great courage to change. I doubt anyone would willingly choose that route in life. I hope society stays open to these brave people.

  12. Love this…and I agree, I have never wanted to be a man. I loved being a girl and I love being a woman…and I heartily agree with the way you and your girlfriends keep each oath going…I don’t know what I would do without mine…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Renee, So agree about girlfriends. I think its special to be a woman. We have a tougher time physically (childbirth, etc.), but there’s something beautiful about being in a female body.

  13. Hey Laurie,

    I love your analogies! Given the chance to be a man on a daily basis, I think I would pass. I do enjoy being a woman except for when that monster of a monthly visitor comes along and some of these perimenopause symptoms. There are also some times when I had my own penis to play with. I envy how many can walk around and adjust their junk in public with little to no repercussions. However, let a woman adjust her bra and all hell is breaking out. 🙂

    Great post to make you wonder……. what if?

    B

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Bren, It is a funny thought to think. What if we happened to be born a man? I’m very happy to be in a female body, even though it comes with its disadvantages.

  14. Very compelling reasons for staying a woman. I actually feel for those who aren’t happy with their gender however society is becoming more tolerant. However, for me I can’t imagine not being me. Have a great day!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Sue, I hope our society stays tolerant to transgender people. Its a strange climate in the US. I pray for tolerance.

  15. I LOVE being a woman! Okay, yes, there are perks to the whole ‘man’ thing. But, for all the reasons listed above, I’ll happily stay the way I am!
    Beautifully said, Laurie!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Thanks so much, Diane! I agree, being a woman is cool.

  16. While I can’t imagine not being who I am, I think we’ve entered a wonderful climate that, with the exception of carrying a child, men can do all of these other things. As a mom to three boys (two men, the youngest, not far behind), I think I’m in the unique position as a woman, to teach them it’s okay to be, do, or have, any of the things you listed above. And by teaching them those things, they will raise their own children to do the same.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Nichole, We’re in an exciting time of existence. Being a man is getting redefined by the day. I have two sons and want to believe I’ve taught them to not only respect and love women, but to listen to them too.

  17. I love being a woman. I just wouldn’t mind being paid like a man! I still wouldn’t change any of it. Carrying a baby is the best!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, Yes, being paid like a man is what’s right. The rest, I’ll stay female.

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