motherhood-2404328__480

I had lunch with my mother recently. We laughed. We kvetched. We became teary-eyed over my recently-deceased father. We lamented over the world’s problems. I couldn’t help realizing what a great mother she’s been all my life. And that got me thinking. What makes a great mother? What are those special qualities? Is love enough? Or maybe it’s also these seven traits…

She makes you feel safe. —Growing up I had a friend whose mother was an alcoholic. This woman’s emotional state was always unpredictable. Their house was chaotic. As a child, I couldn’t imagine what that felt like, never feeling safe in your home. As I grew older, I realized how important it is for a child to feel anchored and protected by their mother. Maybe that’s our first, most basic need.

She makes you feel important. – At the beginning of the school year I see moms in stores helping kids get ready for college. I see them picking out everything from notebooks to sheets and comforters for dorm rooms. No doubt these same mothers stood on chilly soccer fields and sat through endless school assemblies. They wiped away tears. They sat by sick beds. They helped with homework. They stayed up late wrapping holiday gifts. How wonderful to make a child feel important. How can that not affect your life?

She knows you. – I’ll never forget the time a group of us moms stood around with our kids after school. All seemed fine. Everyone looked happy. Then one of the mothers happened to gaze at her daughter. “What is it, honey?” she asked with concern. The girl broke down in tears. Something had happened in school that upset her. To the rest of us, the girl had appeared okay. But that mother could read her daughter. She knew her in ways only a mother could. Her child’s distress was important. I thought how lucky for that little girl. 

She makes you feel accepted. – I know mothers whose children are gay. It would never occur to them to not be loving, kind, and supportive. They accept their sons and daughters for who they are. They cheer them on. Coincidentally (or not), these mothers also accept themselves. They know who they are. They don’t care what the world or a neighbor thinks. They know in their heart what’s right. That self-acceptance affects their children. It gives them courage to live authentically.

She discovers who you are. She doesn’t decide. – I overheard these words from one Mom to another when I was sitting on the bleachers at a little league game. As a young mother, they resonated with me. I decided to let my kids lead me in their interests, not the other way around. Sure, I’d introduce them to things, but they could decide from there. This advice came in handy when neither of my boys liked sports. But they loved music. So that’s where we went.  Music has enriched their lives. I never regretted that decision.

She teaches strength.– My mother-in-law Joyce had two sons with disabilities. My husband Randy couldn’t walk through part of his childhood. But that didn’t stop Joyce from inspiring her sons to be their best. She encouraged them to make friends and have fun. She made sure there were always good snacks around to entice visitors. She took her boys and their buddies on outings. She provided music and games and laughter. She could’ve let her sons sit around feeling limited. Instead she encouraged them to do their best. She taught them to look beyond their challenges. She taught them to live the best, happiest lives they could. 

She’s there. — I mentor adolescent young women in a local group home. The sad part is that many of these girls do have mothers, but have been given over to the state for various reasons. It makes me wonder how different their lives might be if they had that essential maternal connection. I’m not judging these mothers. Many have lives and struggles I’ll never know. Many made the only decision they could.  Still, it’s heart-breaking to see this world of children without that most vital element.

And maybe that’s the greatest gift a mother can give — being there. I’m grateful to my mother for being all these things. How about you?

 

If you liked this piece and would like to share, just press one of the magic buttons below.

If you’d like to receive posts by email, just hit this link.  Thank you.

 

Comments(30)

  1. The greatest gift my mom gives to me is her honesty. She is my biggest fan and a constant source of encouragement and support, but she does not hesitate to tell me when my behavior is out of line or inappropriate. It's the honesty that sometimes friends are afraid to dish out, and I always appreciate it (maybe not in the moment, but eventually)

  2. Sometimes tough love is something we need. And you're right. If it can't come from your mother, who can it come from? Sounds like she has your back.

  3. No, I think you pretty much covered all the good stuff a mother should be. I agree. I didn't exactly have any of that although my mother was very present, she just lacked the ability to show emotion. Which now, as a mother myself, I can't even wrap my mind around. Well, I guess she instilled in me the drive to love fiercely since I had not experienced it…and, no, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. This post was beautifully written. And my condolences for the loss of your father.

  4. Thanks so much, Sandra. It sounds like your Mom did the best she could. She instilled in you the desire to show emotions to your own children, which was a good thing. You're not feeling sorry for yourself. Sounds like you're self-aware.

  5. You’ve hit all of the high points- sounds like you’re a pretty awesome mom yourself! Another gift your mom gave you. -Veronica

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Veronica, How sweet of you! Thank you and appreciate you reading.

  6. Four weeks ago, today, my mother died of dementia and heart failure. I continue to have new found admiration for her. She handled those last weeks with such grace and dignity. Thanksgiving, I’m going to my best girlfriend’s, since high school, house and can’t wait because her mother will be there. She was the most ideal mother of any I knew. She’s my substitute mom, now. Brenda

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Brenda, I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom. What a tough time for you. Thank God you have another woman in your life who’s special. I’m sure she’ll help you through this difficult time.

  7. I completely agree with all of these points. I’d also add that an awesome mom tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. She is the one person in your life that can do this because you know it always comes from a place of love.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Excellent point, Christy. Yes, she has your back. I love that.

    • Melina

    • 8 years ago

    Sounds just like you and my mom 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Awwww… Thanks so much, Melina!

  8. Aw, sounds like you have a wonderful mother! These are all things that a loving mother will work to provide, and I am trying my damnedest to do as best I can for my sons! 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Sounds like you’re a great Mom already, Faye. Thanks for reading.

  9. I loved this Laurie. I was reading this looking at my mother who is sitting somewhere in the 1940’s while her body is stuck in the here and now and it made me smile. She has always been there. Always and one day she won’t and it made me think of all of the things I would miss. On the other hand, I think of my daughter a young mother to twins and how she has a way of understanding their needs without them saying a word and how proud she makes me feel every time I see her. Thank you for the reminder.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Rena, I’m at the stage myself where I see my mom struggle with aging. She’s still doing well, but its hard to watch sometimes. How nice that you appreciate your wonderful daughter with her twins. Sounds like you have three wonderful generations going there.

  10. #5 is such an interesting concept. My own mother used to tell of being at a bridge game where one of the other players was my high school English teacher. They got to arguing about what I would do after high school. My mother was convinced I would do as she had, which was marry and stay close to where I was raised. My teacher told my mom that she had me totally figured wrong and that I would go to college and the be a working mom because I was achievement oriented. My mom later told me of the conversation and how it annoyed her that my teacher felt like she knew me better than she did. However, my teacher was right and it was an eye-opener for me to know the lens through which my mother viewed me.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Shelley, Sounds like a blog post to me! So interesting and you’re right about your mom looking through a different lens than the teacher. Maybe it was the only one she knew, like many women of her generation.

  11. You’ve covered every point, Laurie! Perfect!
    I remember at my paternal Grandmother’s funeral, one of her sons gave a lovely eulogy to a wonderful woman. But he said something I’ll never forget. He said, “Mother was never a ‘pal’.” And I remember thinking, “What a tragedy!”
    Moms should be moms. And pals also.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, I agree. My sons and I have shared a lot of laughs and great talks together, which to me is being a pal. I can see you being the same type of mother.

  12. My mom passed away a couple months ago and this list confirmed she was not an awesome mom. She was judgemental and very tough. However, she gave me life and loved her grandchildren. She was also the only mom I had. So I learn from her. I take the traits I like and vow to amend the ones I didn’t so I in turn can be an awesome mom to my kids.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, What wisdom to take traits that worked and improve on the ones that didn’t. Maybe even with good moms, we all do that to some degree. Sorry for your loss.

  13. I love that you’re mentoring young girls who really need a mother right now. My mom was awesome but I feel for people who either do not have a mother or one that has major issues.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Rebecca, It’s beyond sad. I sense such despair from these young girls. Even those who had terrible, abusive mothers still ache for them. It’s primal, I guess.

  14. There’s no other love like a mother’s love. I feel so blessed to have a strong mom. And now that she is elderly, it’s my turn to take care of her. It’s a complete honor.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Ellen, Wow. You just described my relationship with my mom, which is something I hadn’t thought of. Yes, now I take care of her. I also had a wonderful mother and I’m honored to make her final years as happy and safe as possible. Well put.

  15. Oh, you’ve made me cry today, Laurie! I miss my Mom. She was SO there! Present and encouraging in every aspect of our lives. Grieving with us. Laughing with us. Counseling. Correcting. LOVING. I knew then what a treasure my mom was. And just how blessed I was to have her. She’s been gone 19 years. I miss her every day.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Diane, Our mothers are so alike, which is maybe a reason we became friends.

  16. I hope I can hit these points for my children the way my mom did for me. I’m grateful because I have many friends who don’t have awesome moms, some have/had crap moms. We can’t just assume that a woman who has children becomes an awesome mom. Having one is a gift.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 11 months ago

      Pennie, I’ve always thought our first test of luck in life is our mother. And yes, I’ve known some horrible ones too.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *