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I watch him shuffle around the house and push back the sadness. He doesn’t have much time. There’s nothing left for him. Simon’s thirteen-years-old and in constant pain. His back legs are bent and twisted. He’s almost blind and deaf. Still, I look at this dog and hate what I have to do.

My son Patrick helps me bring him to the vet. In the old days Simon could jump into the back of my SUV.  He loved coming along when I dropped the kids off at school. Now he needs to be lifted onto the back seat.

My sons were fourteen and eleven when this dog came into our lives. Simon taught them love, patience and kindness. He also taught them bravery. He approached each person who came into our home without hesitation, determining if they were friend or foe. I grew to trust his judgment.

Today we arrive at the vet. Patrick lets Simon walk around outside on the grass a few moments. I tell myself the dog doesn’t know what’s happening. He thinks he’s enjoying the sun and sweet air on a late July afternoon.

We bring him inside and the vet and his assistant are ready. It’s the end of the day and the office is quiet.

In the examining room, Patrick and I sit on the floor with Simon. He’s given a tranquilizer. We pat him and tell him we love him. We tell him what a great dog he’s been. Gradually we feel him relax. He pants softly. If he realizes what’s happening, he seems quiet and accepting.

I watch this animal and think how there’s been too much death lately. My Dad passed away only weeks before. And although an animal’s demise is different than a beloved parent’s, it’s still a loss.

Simon was my friend. From the first day I adopted him, he followed me everywhere in the house. He’d lie in our dining room, one eye always trained on me as I puttered around the kitchen.

He loved his treats and 4:00 p.m. dinner hour. He loved our cat Rocky who he’d touch noses with each day in greeting. He loved to run. He loved our family. He loved walking outside on a cold Connecticut morning, sniffing the air. He loved barking at deer always tantalizingly out of reach.

Before the doctor gives the final injection Simon looks at me. I think of the first time we gazed at each other. He was three-years-old and stood in a cage at the pound. He was one of the quirkier mutts in the line-up—coarse fur, short legs, odd markings. But there was something in those eyes. I saw sweetness.

After the final shot Simon’s eyes begin to close. I tell myself I gave him ten good years. He was one of the lucky ones. Patrick and I continue to pat him, both sniffling. I always loved Simon’s velvety ears and can’t believe this is my last time touching them.

Seconds pass and the dog grows still. The vet listens for a heartbeat, looks at us, and shakes his head. Everyone grows hushed at the sight of death. How can something be alive one moment and gone the next? The vet’s assistant asks if we want his remains and we say no. That’s not how I want to remember Simon. We stay a few more minutes and then drive home.

A week’s passed since that afternoon, but I still find myself listening for Simon’s steps, ready to throw him a treat or give him dinner at 4:00 p.m. I saw a deer in our yard this morning and thought of him. I still expect to see him coming toward me when I open the door, all smiles and body wiggling from excitement.

I want to believe somewhere he and my Dad are together. They always liked each other. Maybe they take walks by the ocean or in a meadow. “Good boy,” I imagine my father saying, giving Simon a pat. “I’ll take care of you now.”

 

Do have a beloved pet you lost recently?  Comments are always welcome and if you’d like posts sent to your email, just press here.  Thank you.

Comments(46)

  1. So sad. I've always said that a dog/cat has a way to let you know when it's time. And I believe they get to go to heaven too. Why wouldn't they? So for sure be comforted knowing your dad is enjoying Simon's company.

  2. Thank you, Karen. I also believe they go to heaven. If they don't, I'm not sure who does!

  3. No words. Tears.

  4. Thank you, Ann. You had a special place with Simon. So glad you got to know him.

  5. You were such a good mama. You were both lucky. Life is good, if brief.

  6. You're right. We were both lucky we found each other.

  7. So sadly beautiful

  8. Thank you, Terri. Like much of life…

  9. It sounds like Simon had the best family and life. Taking a pet, a part of the family, in to the vet for a visit like that is the hardest thing to do. You write about it beautifully.

  10. Thanks so much. It was really hard to take Simon in for his last visit, but we told ourselves he had a good, long life. It was his time.

  11. Oh, dear, I am so sorry for loss — for your losses. What a tough time. We have two dogs and I can understand how much your sweet Simon must have meant to you.

  12. Thank you, Christine. Part of having pets is losing them when they get older. Simon lived a long, happy life and that's a blessing.

  13. I am so deeply sorry for your loss! Thank you for giving Simon a good life and a loving home.

    Alicia
    spashionista.com

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Alicia.

  14. So sorry to hear about your dog and your father. Too much all at once. We have two dogs and they’re so precious to us. I feel your pain.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you, Rebecca. It was a rough time, but I want to believe my Dad and Simon are somehow together.

  15. Heartbreaking! I’m so sorry for your losses. The utter devotion dogs show us is unique to their species I think and to lose them is agony. We have a little nearly 15-year-old ‘puppy’ and I’m already dreading that inevitable day when she is no longer with us. It’s so sad to watch them struggle as age slows them down. Here’s to the beautiful memories Simon gave you, and to your Dad who shared your love of him.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you, Tamuria. I love the idea of your 15 year old “puppy.” Dogs seem to stay young forever till the very end.

  16. So sorry for your loss, Laurie. Those fur babies really have a hold on our hearts. I’m sure Simon had a great life with you and your family. All the best to you. 💓💓

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Rica. Its been a year since Simon has died, but still miss him so much. They leave their mark.

  17. My daughter said a beautiful thing to me when I woke to the day we’d have to put our fourteen-year-old dog down. I was on the phone, weeping, “I don’t think I can,” and in a voice like I have used myself with her, she said, “She loved us, and now she needs you to love her by helping her go. So you have to do that.”

    It was wrenching, but I felt I was setting her free, as you did for Simon. XO

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Wow, what a wise daughter, Susan. That’s how I felt with Simon. It was his time. We knew it and he did too. Thank you for reading.

  18. So sorry for your loss. I’ve never had a dog but I know from my friends that they are definitely like a family member so I’m sure it is so difficult to lose a pet. Sending healing hugs as you take time to grieve.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Judy. Simon was a special member of the family. If you’re ever on the fence, I’d highly recommend a dog.

  19. So sorry for your loss. Our fur babies are such important members of the family. SImon was well loved!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you, Jeannine. They are indeed our fur babies! Love that.

  20. I remember, Chloe, my cat. I still think of her. Take care, Beth

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much for reading, Beth.

  21. Dear Laurie, I am so very sorry for the loss of your Simon. I believe that first time coming home and not having them greet you at the door is one of the hardest “firsts” in a whole list of firsts without them. Today is the six week anniversary of our saying goodbye to our beloved Micah. I still can’t seem to catch my breath. He was my ESA without the vest.

    Thank you for asking about our loved ones. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Be gentle and kind to you.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Terri, I’m so sorry about Micah. Its so hard to lose these dear pets. Thank you for reading.

  22. Laurie,
    Oh I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were going through this. My heart is with you and your family. Simon knows he was well loved by you all.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks so much, Lori. Actually this post is a year old, but I still miss Simon. Pets add so much.

    • Bridget Harrington

    • 8 years ago

    I cried reading this. I lost a cat this past winter. He was a year and a half old and had a heart murmur. What I didn’t know was that he had a congenital defect common to cats (my vet did a necropsy). He passed in his sleep, but that didn’t make it easier. I rest easy knowing that I gave him The Life. I have another cat that mothered him. He slept with us in the bed, had tons of treats, a sunlit house to roam and play in, and more love than a heaven full of angels. Far cry from the dirty, cold garage that he was born in. Sometimes, the most compassionate thing we can do for our pets is exactly what you did.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      So true, Bridget. As hard as it is, letting a pet suffer is worse than the inevitable. Sounds like you give your animals a wonderful, loving, fun home. What creature could want more than that? Thanks for reading.

  23. I am so sorry for the loss of your family member. I was so devastated when we had to let our first dog go… I eventually wrote a pet loss memoir to her. We also lost 7 family members in the 18 months following her passing. This was lovely. XOXO

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Stephanie, Wow, 7 family members in 18 months! That’s really devastating. So sorry for all your losses. I hope you found another pet to help salve the hurt.

  24. So sorry for your loss. The grieving process is intense when we lose a loved one, including a beloved pet.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Darlene, Thanks so much. We still miss Simon all the time.

  25. Ohmyword, this made me cry, Laurie! I sat with my Panda as she made the crossing several years ago. It’s funny, just as she was getting sleepy, this sweet doggie, who was deaf and very nearly blind, suddenly lifted her head and looked eagerly to her right. Then to her left. Then she lowered her head and …left.
    I think her buddies of so many years, Chiefy and Muffy came to get her and take her home.
    And all of them are tagging along happily at the Saviour’s heels now.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, I got goosebumps when you said that. When we put Rocky to sleep about a year ago, right before he passed he picked up his head and looked to the right, like someone had called to him. I always wondered about that. So much we don’t know.

  26. I know it’s been a while, but pets are members of the family. (It’s our dog’s 12th birthday today.) I bet you think about your dog every day. Thanks for sharing the photo, the memories, and your grief. Hugs.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Karen, Happy birthday to your doggie! We’ve had five other pets in our family and I think of them all the time. Something will always trigger a funny memory.

  27. Oh my gosh! Tears! We lost our dog in September and we all bawled. We were all able to say good-bye to her, and she waited until my oldest son could get there from college, and just let go. Saddest day ever… So sorry for your loss.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Melanie, It’s beyond sad to say goodbye, even when there’s no choice. It’s always the end of an era when an animal passes.

  28. This made me cry. Having to put down a pet is the worst. This reminded me of when we had to put down my rescue mutt Nigel. Well actually I had my husband do it because I couldn’t. But it was time…actually it was past time. I still miss him and it was almost 4 years ago.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, My husband Randy never goes with me to put an animal down. I understand that. It’s a tough thing to watch, but good to know they’re out of their suffering.

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