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Have you ever had the urge to get away by yourself?  Just luxuriate in your own company? I recently spent a weekend alone, which was…okay…incredible.  And afterwards, I realized it helped in 8 vital ways…

First, I didn’t have to go far.  I travelled thirty minutes to a beautiful seaside inn on Long Island Sound.  I had a lovely view of the water and because I went on Thursday and Friday nights, rates were cheaper.

I could’ve saved money and picked a boring business hotel, but that’s not what this was about.  I wanted somewhere beautiful, restorative, and inspirational.  I wanted to treat myself. If I was going to do this, I wanted to do it right. 

It felt adult.  Checking in.  Having luggage brought to my room.  Tipping the bellman.  After 35 years, these are things usually done by my more worldly, well-travelled husband.  I’m not used to navigating the world alone.

Yet later, as I sat on that big, comfortable bed I realized I like it. I wondered why I hadn’t done it more often, especially when the kids were younger and I could’ve used this break. 

It’s the right time of life.  Middle-aged females are in that sweet spot – kids older, more freedom, and with luck, we still have our health.  There’s something “anything goes” about this time. If we don’t start pushing the envelope and exploring who we are now…when will we?  Life at this time is like fine, aged wine.  Pull out a bottle and drink up!

I can’t think of anything sadder than getting to the nursing home and thinking, “If only.” If only we had taken a chance. If only we had explored who we were on our own, not only in the roles of wife and mother. If only we had allowed ourselves adventures.

Solitude is important.  Anna Morrow Lindberg, wife of aviator Charles Lindberg, occasionally had solo weekends and sometimes weeks by herself.  She called this time “sinking into oneself” and believed it was vital for women.  She wrote the bestseller, “A Gift from the Sea” about time alone.

Mother of six (including the famous kidnapped Lindbergh baby), she felt solitude essential in finding our true essence.  This in turn breeds confidence.   We realize we’re capable of much more than we knew.

You learn about yourself.  I always knew I was an introvert with no problem spending tons of time alone.  I love reading and writing. But I also learned I need people and was grateful I booked dinner both nights with friends.

I thought I’d sleep late but rose at 7:00 a.m. each morning with coffee in my room.  Everything was quiet and still.  I wrote in my journal, read, took long walks, and sometimes wondered what was going on back home.  A few times I sighed with contentment. I liked it so much, I felt guilty.

It feels indulgent, but it’s not.  Sometimes it’s necessary to step out of our lives.  And it’s different than staying home alone for the weekend.  In the house there’s always laundry, cooking, and cleaning.  The dog has to be walked and the cat fed.  At home, even by yourself a few days, you’re still in charge. And that’s a different feeling than being untethered somewhere else.

To get the full effect of solitude, you have to go somewhere without distractions. Then you’re able to concentrate on what you love. You’re free to listen to your inner voice.

Going away makes me appreciate what I have.  After two days I came back refreshed to my beloved home. My husband and two sons did a surprisingly good job keeping the home fires burning.  “How was your time away?” Randy asked, as I started to unpack.  I gave him a kiss.  “It was just what I needed. Thank you.”

I realized then how he’s always supported my growth in life.  I’m grateful and lucky.

It whets my appetite for more.  Now I’m working my way up to somewhere further, maybe even a solo stay in Manhattan.  Beyond that…. who knows?  This weekend was simple, but it’s the first chapter of what I hope will be many.

My husband’s burnt out on travel. One hundred business flights a year will do that.  So that leaves me, at least for now, to my own devices.  What’s next? California?  Paris?  India?

Sigh. The world beckons.

 

Is it time you had your own private adventure?  Why not?  Comments are always welcome and if you’re so inclined, please share.  Thank you!

 

 

Comments(67)

  1. I enjoyed living solo in my twenties, before getting married, but I've never really ventured out on a solo getaway like yours. There is this little B&B I've eyed for just this purpose. Maybe I should take the plunge and book it.

  2. Do it. There's something liberating in stepping out of our lives even for a little bit. You see everything with fresh eyes.

  3. My mom has always been comfortable traveling solo. I am fine with going for a meal or a movie alone, but I have not yet done a long weekend. (I don't count business trips because they always come with built-in itineraries.) This sounds so restorative and blissful…I may just give it a try! I do send the hubby off for a boys' night with out of town friends now and again, and the solitude is blissful. Even the closest of couples need a few degrees of separation now and again… 🙂

  4. I also love going to movies by myself. A weekend was a first for me and I loved it. You should give it a try sometime.

  5. I wish more women would do this! I was lucky enough to be on my own for most of my 20s. And now am alone for part of my 40s. The security of knowing I am my own best company, can handle the bellmen, the bills, the whatever–that is peace. At least for me. And moodling time is always a good thing:). Good for you!

  6. Thank you. It could be because I married young and never had that single time, I now crave seeing the world from time to time on my own. Especially since Randy's burnt out on travel. Something's calling to me out there!

  7. I live alone but still long to get away for a few days by myself. I keep telling myself I'm going to so maybe reading about your experience is just what I need to push myself. I've got access to an apartment in NYC but also like the idea of being in the mountains or near water. I'm in CT too, lots of towns along the shoreline. Congratulations on picking a beautiful seaside Inn.

  8. This seemed to resonate with so many women. I think we all long to be out in the world on our own at times. It gives a new perspective on life and ourselves. If in CT, I recommend the Inn at Longshore in Westport. Its lovely.

  9. Such a great post. Sometimes when I awaken, I think of the time that might come when I will live alone–and I realize that building toward those moments in some increments is healthy and good. I too have gone away for weekends by myself, but never out of the country. Keep us posted!!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thanks Beth. I’m working up to international travel by myself, although you never know. It intimidates me, to be honest. Still, the weekends away are wonderful. Thanks for reading.

  10. Solitude is indeed so essential!

    I love how Susan Cain’s book, “Quiet”, somehow legitimized introversion. I was raised believing it was strange that I was happy to be alone … that I, in fact, needed time alone. My mother and step-father would shake their heads and say I was weird.

    But not so, and I now reclaim it and proudly proclaim it! We need to revive, review, and reflect. We need to go deep.

    A weekend alone can be a beautiful thing.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I loved that book! In fact, I had the same experience. It helped me realize I wasn’t strange needing alone time. And yes, a weekend alone can be a beautiful thing. I want to plan another one soon.

  11. Susun Weed says that older women need lots of times of solitude so that we don’t lose our way. I haven’t done.it yet but you reminded me to move it forward on my to do list

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Beth, You should give it a try. After such a long marriage, it took me a while to work up to it. And yet when I went away for a weekend, I loved it.

  12. I love solo travel!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Bonnie, I have to become braver about it. I know women who do it all the time. Its definitely on my to-list for 2016 and beyond.

      1. Last year I actually did a solo paddle from Waterford, N.Y. down the Hudson River to NYC (my home). I’d never done anything quite like that before but it had been a pipe dream of mine for a long time and last year everything suddenly fell nicely into place to actually do it – so I did.

        It was AWESOME.

          • Laurie Stone

          • 8 years ago

          Nice. That sounds like a wonderful journey, Bonnie.

  13. So funny! I was just thinking this morning that my most desired Christmas gift would be one full day to myself with no regular chores. I sounds indulgent but as you point out, that alone time can rejuvenate and allow you to see things you miss on an everyday basis. Thanks you the share!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Laura, I think its necessary to have some time away. And you should definitely put that on your Christmas list!

  14. I have lived alone now for four years, my favorite trips are road trips by myself, there is something about the open road, a few CD’s I pick up along the way that I have held off on buying for awhile.
    Stopping somewhere beautiful to have a picnic alone, or grabbing the blanket and your book for an afternoon read.
    I usually take a solo trip once a year to visit my Dad’s grave, it sounds depressing- but it’s actually one of the most uplifting things I do.
    I take three days of reflection, three days of treating myself to whatever I want.
    And at the end I visit a man I had a very strained relationship with when he was living, but now feel totally at peace with.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Kristin, Sounds wonderful and you’re inspiring me to take another solo trip for a few days. Three sounds perfect. Thank you for reading.

  15. I love going off by myself sometimes too. It’s not the same as being home alone–because like you said, there are too many distractions at home and it is really just more of the same old, same old. A little luxury or pampering–or whatever you crave–is very good for the soul, especially for us in our “second adulthood” of midlife, re-discovering who we are, who we’ve become and who we yet want to be!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Couldn’t agree more, Lee. I haven’t had a weekend alone in a while and you’re making me want to take another!

  16. I absolutely adore traveling on my own. Before I met my husband, I booked a B&B for myself every three months. I’ve had to scale back on that, but your piece has whet my appetite for a solo adventure. Thank you!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Pam, This piece (which is a few years old) has whet my own appetite again! Hope you enjoy your next solo adventure.

  17. I was just talking to a friend about doing this. This post is timely!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Go for it, Linda!

  18. I love this! Solo travel and a weekend alone is always good for the soul.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jennifer, So true.

  19. I have every other weekend alone, though I haven’t been away.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      OMG. Every other weekend alone? That sounds heavenly. In some ways, you don’t have to go away since the peace and solitude is right there.

  20. I love time alone, I call it being Sensibly Selfish. Time to recharge your batteries is So important. A great article.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Kay, I love “Sensibly Selfish.” Charging our batteries and alone time is not only vital to mental health, but good common sense.

  21. Oh my goodness so much YES to this. The older I get the more I prioritize value and treasure my solo time!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Carla, I think as we get older and children more independent, for many women, it becomes a necessary indulgence.

  22. I used to travel a lot on business. Like you said it wasn’t the same as a solo trip, but it was close. My husband while home to keep things going got used to it and would say, ‘Isn’t it time for you to be on the road again?” I wasn’t offended but understood. He would meet me for a long weekend or a vacation at one of my more exotic spots. We travelled a lot and now we are both home bodies. I travel a wee bit but he has no desire to leave home !

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Haralee, How nice you got to solo travel when younger. I wish I had done more of that. Now older, I’m making up for lost time. So much fun.

  23. Sounds like a wonderful, refreshing time that you had. I agree that some time alone can work wonders, but you’re right, it needs to be without the typical distractions our day to day environment brings. Great post.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Candi, Thanks so much. Yes, being home isn’t the same. Laundry always needs to get done and the dishwasher emptied. Getting on neutral territory is essential.

  24. My hubby and I live with my father and our adult son. There is ALWAYS someone around! I would love, love, love a weekend away by myself. If there’s a genie somewhere this would be my wish.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Shelley, Maybe you should gift yourself with two nights off my yourself!

  25. I have been lucky enough to do something similar a couple of times in my marriage, and I definitely recommend it! Planning another 2 or 3 day adventure, coming up in May.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Donna, You sound like my kind of woman. As I type this, I realize I’m overdue for another solo jaunt myself.

  26. I’m giving you a great, big golf clap on this, Laurie! I love my solo getaways, although I don’t get to do them as much now. I love to travel, and a solo getaway can be near or far. I especially agree that “Solitude is important” and “Going away makes me appreciate what I have.”

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Valerie, Thanks so much. Glad this all resonated with you.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Valerie, Being an introvert, I find solitude luxurious. It doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does, I love it.

  27. Laurie, thanks for your comments on my post today. Wanted to share this with you. And if you ever travel to California, let me know. I’m in the LA area. Beth

    http://boomerhighway.org/can-boomer-anglophiles-keep-the-love-going/

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Beth, OMG. I’m a huge anglophile! I wanted to comment, but section was closed. I’d love to visit you in California! Thanks for the offer.

  28. Oh, wow! I’ve never even thought of this!
    I’m thinking now . . .

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Oh Diane, You’d love it…

  29. Love my weekends alone, traveling alone. Being in a nice restaurant alone just to enjoy a good meal and book. Nice!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Beverly, I feel the same way. I have no problem with solitude whatsoever.

  30. What smart observations, Laurie. I’m glad you took this alone trip and hope you do it again. So far this year I’ve been to see two concerts by myself and have two more planned and am going to England by myself this fall, the third trip to Europe alone in the last three years. The Fashion Friday post I did last week about Stevie Nicks has a video of her singing, “Landslide,” and the words are perfect for your post. They’re about growing older and coping. “I’ve been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you. But time makes you bolder… ” xoxox, Brenda

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Brenda, Love Stevie so much. She must be great in concert! Yes, I’ve taken several other excursions by myself and love them.

  31. I’ve always dreamed of spending a week at a seaside cottage all by myself. I’ve been married for 27 years and we’ve never spent a night apart and I don’t want to ruin that either. One day until then I’ll just dream about it.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Rena, Wow! Never a night apart, how cool. I don’t blame you for not wanting to mar that perfect record.

  32. I really enjoyed this post. It is a great reminder of how we should be taking care of ourselves. I use to take little trips often and somehow … just forgot. I am definitely going to plan a solo trip soon!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Margaret, I love them every few months to catch up with myself. Its amazing how much I appreciate my home and family afterwards!

    • Jae

    • 5 years ago

    Solitude is vital for the safety of others and my sanity! 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Jae, I’m the same way. A few times a year for a few days is wonderful and enriching.

  33. I think I need to do this. I have never traveled alone except for business and that doesn’t count. Thanks for this post!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lauren, Give it a try. You never know!

  34. It’s in the works! Gonna happen!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, I seem to need it every once in a while.

  35. The first two months of the Pandemic were, I state rather guilt-ily, very restful for me. I love my kids and grandkids and am forever grateful that they live near enough to ‘pop’ over. But it was just so . . . peaceful having the days with just Husby and me. He was busy doing Husby things and that left me virtually alone. I actually drank it in! Not having to answer to anyone but myself for a teensy bit is amazing!
    I’ve got my retreat all picked out. As soon as things settle a bit, I’m going!
    Wanna meet me there?! 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, I’d love to! Maybe somewhere in the middle of the country — after this awful virus is over of course!

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