pexels-photo-1172207

Wait. I’ve been a Mom almost twenty five years? How did that happen? One moment my boys are sipping juice boxes. The next they’re playing Beer Pong in the basement. Some things I expected like that maternal tug when I see my little boys now grown men with lots of facial hair. But here are six things I didn’t expect…

I thought I’d feel more nostalgic about my children’s younger years. Does that sound horrible? I know I’m supposed to dissolve into a puddle when I hear a school bus or come across an old report card, but elementary school feels distant and fuzzy like an old black and white photo.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ll always treasure the sweet, little handmade ceramic bowls from second grade, but life goes on with new triumphs and problems and things that drive me crazy.  

My sons and I drink together. Recently we sat in the lounge of a Houston hotel. “I’ll have whiskey on the rocks with a splash of ginger,” Patrick casually said to the bartender like he’d done it 100 times (which evidently he has). My 22 year-old son Paul favored the more exotic “Blue Hawaiian” (whatever that means).

I watched us belly up to the bar and wondered what just happened? How did we go from Jamboree Playtime to Happy Hour?     

My sons care about my feelings. When they were young, Patrick and Paul were a blur of skateboards, electric basses, and Pokeman cards. Social interaction was primal at best, mostly grunts and shrugs.

But then something strange happened. My sons became perceptive, sensitive, and empathetic to others, including their mother. They can tell when I need a hug, kind words, or a good talk. My God, I thought recently, I’ve raised disciples of Deepak Chopra.

They give good advice. My sons are not only sensitive, but wise. “How do I help Grandpa?” I frequently ask my boys when discussing my Dad who has late-stage Parkinson’s. “You’re doing the best you can,” assures Paul who used to have temper tantrums that could peel paint. “You’re there for him and that’s what counts,” advises Patrick who enjoyed jumping on furniture.

I walk away wondering, where did these all-knowing sages come from? And do they charge by the hour?

Their cards have become sentimental. How I longed for these when they were younger. Instead, especially in their early teen years, greeting cards usually included body function humor or a general “Hope your day is pleasant” which could’ve been given to someone’s personal assistant.

Now their cards make me weep with sentimentality. “You’re the best mother ever” and “I’ll always love what you did for me.” These touch me now especially since I know they come from the heart and weren’t purchased by their father.

They share things with me. I love hearing about my boys’ epiphanies, hurts, and joys. Years ago, we shared a lot and I was afraid as they grew older, we’d grow apart. To my happiness, they still like to come and talk, to touch base. We’re not only mother and sons, but good friends. Sometimes we’ll just hang and watch TV.

True confession: I’ve even played Beer Pong with my boys although I’m a lousy shot. Still, I’m happy they like spending time with me. Some things never change and I’m grateful.

Yes, for all you beleaguered mothers of young sons, it does get easier. And although it’s wonderful to have cuddly small ones, it’s also fascinating and gratifying to watch boys grow into men you not only love… but like.

 

How do you feel about your adult children? Or about the thought of your little ones becoming adults?  Comments are always welcome and thank you for reading and sharing.

If you’d like to receive posts by email, just press here.

Comments(35)

  1. You've raised lovely boys…ahem, men. This makes me like them even more. You are a lucky woman. Happy Mother's Day!

  2. Maybe there's hope after all for me and my two boys! It's been quite a ride with my 13 year old and I hear it's just going to get worse. Your grown sons sound wonderful and I can only hope and pray that's how it will turn out for me. Happy Mother's Day, Laurie!

  3. Thank you, Lois. You've also raised a great son and daughter. I feel we should all be proud. Have a wonderful Mother's Day.

  4. It will, Karen. You sound like a wonderful, caring mother and somehow that always comes back to us through our children. Happy Mother's Day!

  5. It sounds like you and your husband have done a wonderful job raising boys to men. Now you get to reap the rewards of knowing them as grown men. Wishing you a Happy Mother's Day weekend! Best, Karen

  6. Thank you, Karen. Hope you also have a wonderful weekend. Spring has finally come to the Northeast!

  7. I love the first bit. The younger years are great–but also tough. And being able to enjoy without being sad means you're healthy and they're healthy!

  8. Thanks so much. I've heard many women say as sad as the empty nest years are, they're necessary, even liberating. We've earned our freedom and its onto the next phase of life.

  9. My boys are still teens yet, but I can see the light at the end of this tunnel. We like the same movies and (most of) the same jokes. They're a delight to talk with and actually sometimes want to hang out with me. I even got a mother's day card this year that my older son drew and wrote and did without anyone reminding him! It was wonderful.

  10. Your boys sound like they love their mom a lot!

  11. What a sweet post, and I totally relate. My son is still so fond of me. I love seeing this slightly sentimental side of him!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Susan, I’m so glad to be close to my boys. Thanks for reading.

  12. I know the feeling. My son is 30 and I was just reading another blog about raising a 5-year-old and I thought, “Thank God my son is 30 now, I don’t think I could deal with that anymore.” I like to cuddle little babies and tickle their cute little feet….and then I like to hand them back so I can go meet my son for dinner at a pub.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jennifer, I can’t imagine having babies again. I’d never survive.

  13. Hi Laurie, I had my two daughters and then at 42 I had my son. He and I are absolutely joined at the hip–we both like to say. After all, raising him from six on was really like having an only child. He’s my backer. He believes in everything I do and I always get an A plus from him. The love is amazing. And I’m totally proud of the man he has become. I thank God every day for my children. Daughters are awesome and my son–cannot say enough.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Beth, Sounds like you and your son have a wonderful relationship. Boys can be so special and wonderful to talk to. I also can’t say enough good things.

  14. My adult son–the younger of my two children–has stunned me with how, over the years, he’s become our go-to guy for sound advice–business, investments, big decisions. Where he used to rely on our advice, now we turn to him. great feeling. great advisor.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      I turn to both my sons for advice on relationships, politics, anything. Its a wonderful feeling to know you not only launched them, but they’re great people too.

  15. I love having adult daughters who have grown into wonderful women and become my friends and biggest champions! Also enjoy Happy Hour with them.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Cathy, I think its one of life great pleasures to hang out with our wonderful, interesting adult children.

  16. Love this ❤ I love being with my adult kiddos, they are amazing, they make me feel like I did a good job 😊Every now and then though, I look at them and wonder where the time went, my boys are 27, 25, & 20 . . . the girl child is 24!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Crystal, My sons are 23 and 26 so we’re in the same timeframe. I also wonder where the time went. Its crazy.

  17. I don’t have sons, but I can relate, having two grown daughters! I love that you make things so concise Laurie. At 22, my youngest is just starting to see me as a real and separate person…considering that I actually have feelings. It can be a confusing time for both of us, but growth – no matter when it comes – is always a good thing! Thanks for another thought-provoking piece!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Emily, Girls must be so different, but the basic principle remains. We watch our kids grow and they actually start seeing us as fully human, not just parents. Its a remarkable thing to happen, and can be very rewarding.

  18. My sons are still young and I am the nostalgic type. I got sad when we took my younger son’s booster seat out of the car last week. He’s up to my chin! But this made me sorta look forward to what our adult relationships will be, Thank you for this glimpse into my future (hopefully).

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lauren, It only gets better. My boys (men) are still great to talk to. We’ve become good friends.

  19. My guys are in their 40’s and my biggest surprise is that they change as often as adults as they did as little guys. My relationship keeps growing and shifting. I need to keep adapting with every growth spirt.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Beth, I guess that comes with parenting. We all change and shift over the years, sometimes in ways we didn’t expect!

  20. Good work bringing them up!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Haralee, Thanks so much!

  21. I have one of each and I have to say that daughters are so much easier to understand, but my son is often more thoughtful.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Rena, Never had a daughter for comparison, but love talking to my boys.

    • Jae

    • 4 years ago

    Beautiful! You must be proud.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Jae, Can’t lie. I’m proud of both my boys!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *