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The other day I was in my neighborhood grocery store when I encountered a tall, middle-aged African-American man stocking shelves.  He had a cart full of product and part of it blocked my way.  I looked at him, smiling, saying, “Excuse me.”  He turned and gazed at me, his eyes hard, face tight and unsmiling.  And that’s when I saw it.

I saw the resentment. I saw myself through his eyes, another privileged white woman in her white world.  I thought of the scenes on television this past week of protests for racial justice, people wanting to just walk down their streets without fear of being shot. No doubt he saw it too.

Now I know I’m not the Amazing Kreskin.  For all I know this man was ruminating over the fight he had with his wife or maybe his back hurt or his car’s in the shop. Maybe I’m projecting my own angst and paranoia over the racial divide growing wider with each incident of police brutality.

But maybe I wasn’t wrong.  Maybe he really felt that way.  And if that’s the case, there are three things I wish I could’ve said to him. 

First, I wanted to tell him, like many, I want him to succeed.  I cheered when we voted for our first African American President, hoping that this was a way out of the horrors and injustices of our past.  Maybe this would be the salve to slavery, murderous Jim Crow laws, and children raised in ghettos.

I wanted to believe when Obama came to power we were turning a corner. If a person of color could reach the highest office in the land, then others would be uplifted as well.

Second, I wanted to tell him I’m not the enemy.  Like many Caucasians – including, I pray, the majority of white police officers – I’m horrified by this growing hatred.  I believe most people are good and prefer peace above violence.

The true enemies are ignorance and fear. And every time I hear of another unarmed African American person killed by cops, it leaves me frightened and despairing.  Where does this end?  

Third, I wanted to tell him what I hope will continue — that white people, along with African Americans. will protest this violence, wherever it comes from.  I hope these events keep transcending skin color and become an opportunity for growth and change, for how we solve problems.  I’d like to see people of all ethnicities join in because what affects one, affects all.  Violence makes the world dangerous for everyone.

The way that African-American man looked at me made me feel like a struggle had begun and I’d become his foe, deserving or not.

I wanted to say my heart aches when I see the sad, scary streets of inner cities, streets I’ll never walk down, streets I never had to raise my children on.  I wanted to tell him I long to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

I wanted to tell him I desire change as much as he does, that I want the world to be better for all of us.

There was so much to say.  Instead, like many, I stayed silent.  I went past him as he stocked shelves, his back hunched and stiff.  I pushed my cart along and continued shopping.

But I wanted to say so much more.

 

What are your thoughts on the current racial tension?  Comments are always welcome and thank you for reading.  If you like, please share.  Thank you.

 

 

Comments(14)

  1. a post from the heart. Insightful and well-written, and I admit, I’ve thought similar thoughts as well. Thanks for sharing.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Sylvie, I think many of us feel that way these days — full of compassion, but finding it hard to reach out and speak our truth.

  2. Laurie, it’s great that you shared your inner thoughts. I think it’s exactly how many, many of us feel. I believe these sort of small opportunities we face every day, like you did, really just deserves a smile or simple greeting. Like a hello or have a nice day can go a long way. We just have to make the effort and get past the fear.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Laurie, That’s a great thought. Just a well-placed kind word can say a lot. I think compassion is felt between people.

  3. I wish more people would LISTEN and talk. Sure, it sounds all touchy feely but there is so much anger and hurt in our world that we are all angry and need to stay somewhere.
    That said, I think it makes a good start that you are even thinking of ways to start a conversation.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Rachee, I can’t think of any other way to heal this world, except with our brains and hearts. We’ve used our fists for so long and its not working. It never does. We must try other ways.

  4. I think most of us, like you say, want to be part of the solution rather than the problem. I also agree that ignorance and fear are our enemies, not each other. This should be such an easy distance to cross, but so often it’s not. We all have so much to say to each other, so many sincere thoughts we want the other to know, but we keep silent largely for fear of being misunderstood. At least, I often do. I am very much a minority in my neighborhood, but I often invite everyone on my street over for coffee. It is my way of trying to earn the right to start the conversations that will help to bridge that awful gap. And that is where I have to start, the family next door. Thank you for this thoughtful article, Laurie.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Wendy, So true that we must begin with ourselves. If everyone did that, we’d have a much better world. I would love a more diversified environment. I think thats wonderful.

  5. I see from the date that you wrote this over five years ago. And how pertinent it still is! How much has changed since then. And how much more has remained the same. Will we EVER learn from past mistakes? It just breaks my heart to think of beautiful (and everyone is beautiful!) people living in constant fear.
    Years ago, Husby and I, while on vacation, walked into a restaurant. We were the only white people in there. A lot of eyes turned to us when we walked in. I asked the maitre D’ if it was all right for us to be there. He smiled and indicated that yes, it was and waved his hand for us to choose a table.
    The meal was excellent and the people friendly, but I caught a glimpse. For just a moment, I caught a glimpse.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, Yes, you caught a glimpse of being a minority. Such a strange experience. That’s why I don’t understand people who say there’s no racism anymore. They either don’t care or have no imagination. Can’t figure out which.

  6. Amazing you wrote this 5 years ago. It still resonates. And look where we are now? Hopefully the world will be a kinder and fairer place now.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, I pray this world becomes better and kinder. There’s nowhere to go but up.

  7. What’s amazing to me is some of the callous statements and memes posted by people I know who I thought were nice people. They are coming out of the woodwork and it’s sickening. It’s like George Wallace has come back from the grave. Ugh!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Rebecca, That’s so disappointing, to find people you thought had compassion, without any on this subject. Very discouraging.

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