pexels-photo-6598556

My parents just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. I wondered what it’s like going through life with the same person for so long. The other day I asked their secret. The answer surprised me. But first, let’s back up. This story began in 1954 when my 24 year-old father stopped to help a middle-aged woman change a flat tire.

It was a sunny September day in Hyannis, Cape Cod. In those days Dad drove a periwinkle blue convertible and flew planes over Cape Cod bay. After he fixed the tire, the woman asked, “Would you like to meet my daughter?” Dad was in a hurry and politely declined.

But the woman persisted and my father met a lovely 22 year-old with chestnut brown hair and dark eyes. She attended secretarial school. A spark began. They married three months later.

My parent’s wedding ceremony was simple with just family and a few friends. My mother’s ring is a modest silver band. “What matters is the love behind this ring, not how fancy it is,” she’d often tell me.

We moved from Cape Cod to Connecticut when I was eight. Life was steady and normal. Every night my father returned from work, announcing, “I’m home!” We ate dinner together in the kitchen.  At night we’d gather around the television watching shows like “Laugh-In” or “The Monkees.”

Mom liked to read in the den – books by Tolstoy, Dreiser and Wolfe — under her hooded hair dryer. My father liked to listen to music in the dark. He lay on the living room couch taking in classical, maybe the latest Jack Jones song or a Broadway musical like “Man of La Mancha.”

Once in a while he’d come up behind my mother, put his arms around her and tickle her. She’d laugh, begging him to stop while my brother, sister and I squealed with delight. At a dance, my parents were often first on the floor, arms entwined, content smiles on their faces.

The few fights over the years were trivial. There were never long silences, tensions, or shouted words. Most nights I’d go to bed with the sound of them watching television or talking in the living room.

I thought everyone lived like this. I thought everyone had a happy family and childhood. It wasn’t till I grew older I saw that wasn’t the case.

Sixty years have passed since that chance meeting on the Cape. These days Dad has late-stage Parkinson’s. Mom’s his constant caretaker. Instead of dancing and tickles, there are doctor visits, medication schedules, and round-the-clock aides. Every few months Mom takes a much-needed break and Dad stays in a nursing home. It’s ironic they’ve spent more time apart in their later years than when they were younger.

And yet even after a few days, they need each other. “How’s your mother?” Dad asked when he last spent time in a facility. He looked pale and I noticed he picked at his food. “She’s fine,” I said, but saw how he missed her. The next day Mom brought Dad home and that night made his favorite dinner of roast beef with mashed potatoes. A few days later his color and appetite returned.

I think of that simple band my mother wears and realize she’s right. Some things are more important than jewelry. The other day, my 21 year-old son said, “Grandma and Grandpa are a good example of love.” I had never thought of that, but it makes sense. Yes, my parents are a good example of love.

And their secret to staying married sixty years? I asked them recently over Thanksgiving dinner, ready to hear some deep, earth-shattering wisdom. Instead they looked at each other and shrugged. “Who knows?” they said. “I guess we got lucky.”

That’s it, I thought? That’s the big secret? But then it made sense.

They married young. We all change as we age. Sometimes we grow apart. Sometimes we stay friends for decades. Judging by other couples, not everyone makes it.

Looking at my parents, I realized luck does factor into any good marriage. Add to that deep, abiding friendship, lots of love, and sometimes…a chance meeting on a bright, sunny Cape Cod day.

 

(Postscript: My father passed away peacefully in July, 2015.  My mother was by his side).

How long have you been married and what keeps it going?  Comments are always welcome and if you’d like to share, please do!

If you’d like to receive posts by email, just press here.

Comments(52)

  1. Laurie I can't praise you enough for this loving tribute. Wonderful!

  2. Thank you so much, Ann.

  3. This is both beautiful and inspiring! I do believe in fate, and I'm sure that is how your father wound up on that road that day over sixty years ago. I love their story! I recently posted on celebrating our 17th anniversary and why we "work". Now I have something to aspire to in hearing your parents' story. Thank you for sharing! Best, Karen

  4. Thank you for reading, Karen.

  5. I love this, brought tears to my eyes. Here's to your parents enduring love!

  6. Thank you so much, Deva.

  7. My husband and I have been married a long time. Over the years we thought we had a grip on this marriage thing and sometimes dispensed our wisdom. Now, as I am watching him do his morning stuff and my heart strings still ping, I realize that like your mom, I just got lucky.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Beth, As I’ve grown older (and married myself for 36 years), I think there’s both work and luck. If you married young, you’re lucky you still get along in middle age and older. But marriage also takes work and compromise. I’m glad your heart strings still ping. I think that’s lovely.

  8. This is so inspiring! I can’t even begin to image how being married for 60 years feels. However, it seems to me, those from that generation are in it for the long haul. Unlike so many nowadays. My hubs and I just celebrated 12 years over the weekend. We almost spilt a few years back but managed to push through a few more years. I’m like the old generation. I married for life. We’ll see if that stays my path.

    Thank you for sharing and so sorry for your loss.

    B

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thanks so much, Bren. I agree that our parent’s generation had a different mind set. They married young and married (most of them) for life. Its very different than younger generations. Happy Anniversary!

  9. Fabulous tribute to your parents. We’re working on 44 years and put it down to love, dedication and perseverance, but luck was obviously a factor, as well.:)

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Debbie, Wow, 44 years! Good for you. When two people marry so young, I believe there is some luck that they’ll still be suited so many decades later. We all change as we grow older. I know couples that have made the long haul and those that didn’t. Congratulations on your wonderful, long marriage.

  10. This is such a beautiful tribute to your parents, Laurie. I relate so much because my parents were married 58 years–my dad was in the hospital suffering from terminal colon cancer, but he still asked my sister and me to get flowers for my mom. Like you, I grew up thinking everyone lived like we did, but got my eyes opened when I went to college! Sometimes I think simplicity is the magic ingredient our parents had that we’ve lost sight of. We complicate matters and demand so much more from our relationships, from ourselves, from our jobs than they seemed to. They had a contentment that seems rare today. Lovely post.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Wow, Lee. That’s insightful about simplicity. You should do a blog post on that. I’m not surprised you had a good childhood. Your sweet, easy-going personality seems a testament to that.

  11. What a beautiful post! I’ve been married for over 30 years. As my mother says, “Marriage is like a garden. It needs water and sun. And sometimes you have to pull the weeds.” Lol! She and my dad had a fairytale marriage too.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Lori, I think all of us who’s parents had happy marriages were very lucky. It was something totally out of our control, but really can affect your life. So glad you also had a loving home.

  12. This was a beautiful blog…….it is very special to be able to celebrate 60th anniversary. I think that your parents are right….they were very lucky, indeed. David and I will celebrate out 40th anniversary this April. I can’t believe it!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Wow, Ellen… 40 years. How wonderful. Randy and I aren’t too far behind, celebrating our 37th this spring. Thanks so much for reading.

    • Shefali Rao

    • 7 years ago

    Such a beautiful and inspiring post!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Shefali, Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

    1. I love this, Laurie! What a lovely snapshot of a beautiful marriage! Consideration, looking for the good things and a sense of humour. That would be my subscription. Your childhood sounds like my childhood!

        • Laurie Stone

        • 3 years ago

        Diane, I think we’re soul sisters in so many ways!

  13. What a lovely tribute and I love their answer! My nephew said he was going to model his behavior as a husband and a father after my father his grandfather. My Dad adored my Mother and their kids. A good role model that I am proud my nephew noticed and is intuitive enough to emulate.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Haralee, That’s so great when children grow up with great, loving role models. I can’t think of a better gift.

  14. Tears in my eyes as I read this, Laurie.This was my childhood as well! Your parents certainly were a ‘good example of love’. I love to see elderly people holding hands as they walk. Speaking together as if they had so much to say. Friends forever!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Diane, Glad you also had a happy childhood. Its a lovely club, and unfortunately not everyone had that.

  15. It’s funny when couples that have been married 50 or more years are asked that question, “what is their secret?” Their answers always seem so “simple.” I’m almost positive marriage wasn’t always that simple for these couples. I’m guessing all those years of devotion is when it eventually appears to look easy and simple. Your parent’s story is a good example of that.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Laurie, My parents had their moments, but I think they had the right temperaments for each other. You’re right. They were friends for life.

  16. Laurie what a beautiful blog. They sound like they were an amazing couple.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Dorothy, I was very lucky to have my parents. They were amazing as I look back.

  17. Beautiful story. A lot of hard work, love and a little luck helps! We’ve been married 34 years.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Cathy, Good for you! That’s a long time. Randy and I have been together almost 39. Doesn’t seem possible, but time goes fast when you’re having fun.

  18. Tears came to my eyes again! I hear about the baggage from childhood other people carry and I am so grateful to have had loving normal parents!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Haralee, You and me both. I’ve always felt its our first test of luck in life.

  19. I SO love this, Laurie. What a sweet, gentle daily reminder of love your parents were. Are.
    Husby and I have been together now over 43 years. I love him more now than ever. What is the secret to long-time commitment? I think a sense of humour is huge. And caring more about your partner than you do about yourself.
    Some day, I’ll do both of those! 😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Diane, You seem like a wonderful, loving person. I’m not surprised at all you’ve been married so long… and you have a great sense of humor!

    • Steven

    • 5 years ago

    My wife and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary this year (and we are looking forward to our 200th monthaversary next year) which seems short compared to your parents, but extraordinarily long compared to some of my friends, most of whom have divorced or are still single. The secret to our lasting marriage has been a puzzle to everyone, including ourselves. Best I can figure, we genuinely enjoy one another, do our best to help each other, and endeavour to build our relationship.

    Thank you for sharing this wonderful story of your parents!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Steven, I think genuinely enjoying each other is key. Passion and romance are fleeting, but friendship (if its the real thing) stays forever.

  20. This is such a beautiful example of enduring love. You are very lucky. How is your mom now? I have been married 12 years and man it’s hard! I wish I could say my kids ar experiencing what you did. But I can’t.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lauren, Every relationship is different and my parents definitely had their issues in all that time. There’s no question, its tough. I guess the good has to outweigh the bad, although some days are much better or worse than others.

  21. This was so beautifully written Laurie. You were so lucky to have such a wonderful example of a healthy marriage. I thought my parents were happily married until I noticed the cracks when I was in college. They grew into gaping holes and by the time my dad passed they really didn’t like each other too much. In fact two weeks before my dad died he told me he wanted a divorce. At 82. I just laughed and told him “That shipped sailed long ago.” He should have done it like 20 years prior. He was hardly able to function without help at that point. Sad to think that was one of our last meaningful conversations. I’m glad you sons got to see a great example of love and marriage,

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, Long marriages can be challenging. I’m sorry your parents’ got thorny in the later years, as many do. You probably learned a lot for your own marriage.

  22. This is a lovely post. 28 years for us and … it takes friendship as well as romantic love, IMO. Here’s a post where I go into that a little more: https://biggreenpen.com/2017/08/06/wedding-anniversary-tree/

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Paula, Read and commented on your beautiful post. Thank you for the link.

  23. My best friend and her husband will make 68 years soon and she will tell me all the time that it is not easy

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Carol, Sigh. Marriage isn’t easy, especially after a long period of time. And yet… I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  24. It sounds like you’re on your way to having the same thing.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Rebecca, We just hit the big 4-0, which sounds miraculous as it is!

  25. I am sorry your Dad passed away, but so happy for the 60 years your parents had. I have 30 years under my belt and 60 years is the dream!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Janeane, That’s a long time! Sounds like you’re well on your way.

  26. I have only been married 31 years and I think a lot of it has to do with picking the right person at the start.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Janeane, That’s a long time! I think being temperamentally-suited and staying that way is a big factor. People change a lot over the years. If you’re still in sync after decades, you’re lucky.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *