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I became a journal keeper by accident. I was 30 years old, sitting in a windowless cubicle at work, unhappy. My in-box was piled with two feet of paper, layouts, project folders, and message slips. The phone rang incessantly. I had to do something fast.

I considered walking out the front door when I spotted a white stenographer’s notebook. I picked it up and started writing. I wrote about how my boss was indifferent and cold. I wrote about how advertising was not how I pictured it. I wrote about how I wanted to escape the corporate world.

I wrote about how I didn’t know what to do with my life, but didn’t want to spend it in a box. I wrote and wrote and wrote and when finished I had filled six pages, both sides. Going back to work, I felt cleaner, better, even happier.

If I’d known the journey I was starting that day, I would’ve paid more attention, lit a candle, chanted poetry, anything to signify this new passage in life.  A passage that would help me set goals, clarify my thinking, and most important, become a writer.

At first I thought I’d keep my journal till I left my job. But a strange thing happened. After I got out of that world and into another, life went on. New problems replaced old ones, new ambitions and fantasies cropped up.  Okay, I thought, once I become a mom, surely my need to keep a journal will end. I’ll be too busy.

As luck would have it, I became pregnant over the next year and found that once again I was wrong.  Putting my newborn son to bed, I realized there was so much left to say. I wanted to write about how it felt to feed him late at night with the wind blowing outside and how sometimes I felt overwhelmed and scared.

I wanted to write about my three harrowing days in the hospital and how I realized I was stronger than I knew. I couldn’t say goodbye to these notebooks as surely as I couldn’t say goodbye to an old friend.

Thirty years later, I’m on my 85th book. They’re prettier these days, nicer than the stenographer’s notebooks I used to use.

Now at this point, I have to state most of my journals are boring. I compare them to what they say being a cop is like. Most parts are mundane, some are exciting, and others are downright scary. I’ve had people say, “I can’t keep a journal. My life’s too dull.”

Yet what makes most of us interesting is not what happens outside but inside. Everyone has dreams, hopes, and fears. These are what make us unique, not the job we have or the role we play. And getting in touch with that inner person is what journals are about.

People ask if I’m afraid others will read my journals. And I have to say after all these years… hell yes. There are secrets and private moments and rants that are downright embarrassing, if not incriminating.

And yes, I’ve considered burning the lot a couple of times. But every time I come close to lighting that fire, I chicken out. That’s my life in those pages and who’s to guarantee I won’t pick up another book and start again?

The best solution I know is writing messy enough so only I can read them. I also know people who buy lockboxes.

But something else stops me. Sometimes I picture myself an old woman, sitting in a rocking chair, turning the pages. I’ll relive that first corporate job, the times in my marriage, becoming a mom, maybe a grandmother, the relationships and people who have come and gone.

Having a journal saved me from a world I didn’t belong and steered me toward what I love. It’s been my friend and ally for thirty years. Its absorbed my pain and deepened my joy. How could I ever throw that gift away?

As I came to realize so long ago, my journal and I are in this life together.

 

Should you keep a journal?  Do you already have one?  I’d love to hear.  Comments are always welcome and if you’d like, please share.  Thank you.

If you’d like to receive posts by email, just press here. 

 

(Published in H.E.R.S. Magazine, 2000).

Comments(66)

  1. Hi Laurie, this post spoke to my heart. I've been journaling since I was a young girl. As you know, once a writer ALWAYS a writer. It's fun therapy. I admire the fact that you were brave enough to journal in your workplace. I think that's pretty cool. Happy writing! — Maria

  2. Thanks for reading, Maria. Our journal-keepers have to stick together!

    • Liv

    • 8 years ago

    The unexamined life is not worth living.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Couldn’t agree more, Liv!

  3. About a year ago, I found my diary and journal pages from my teen years and I laughed, cried and was dumbfounded at what I was thinking. I like your idea to save your journals and page through them when you’re old. I’m sure you’ll be greatly entertained. I started writing for similar reasons you did. It’s opened up a whole new world.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you, Laurie. You’re right. Journaling does open a new world. I can’t imagine life without it.

  4. I do morning pages at the start of each day but for me those are typed into a word document. At the end of each day I journal. Personal private musings by hand in a notebook.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I’m the same way, Carla. As much as I’m on the computer all the time, writing no less, I could never type a journal. Doesn’t feel right.

  5. I’ve kept a journal for years – as you say, a lot of it is mundane, but it’s been a place to put down my thoughts and to sort things out. I have looked back at times and seen how far I’ve come. It also provides a valuable tool that shows me that I can get through the tough times – when I write them down they seem so big, but looking back I made it through and that is so empowering!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Isn’t it funny how you can write about things that seem so important (and traumatic) at the time, but looking back you can barely remember those feelings? That’s always struck me. I guess life goes on. Thanks for reading, Leanne.

  6. Wow! 82!!! I’m very inconsistent in journaling, something that I’m candidly a bit ashamed of, as a writer. But then I feel like sometimes my writing IS my journal, so I guess there’s that. I am sad I haven’t journaled more through the years. In my late twenties, I came across the ones I did keep in my junior high/high school years, along with a folder of poems I’d written at that same time. I was so embarrassed my the angst and silliness I wrote about, that I tossed them all in the garbage!!! (Insert GASP). I’m kicking myself now. I love that you have this anthology of your life to look back upon.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you, Heather. I know lots of writers who don’t keep journals and lots who do. Its a personal decision, but for reason, it worked for me.

  7. I love this. I kept a journal for years, I don’t know why I stopped.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Thank you, Michelle. You can always start again…

  8. This really spoke to me too. I started journaling as a 10 year old abused child and continue til this day. One of my journals became my first book after my daughter read it and encouraged me it was time. Another became my second book coming out next week.

    I also worked in one of those cubicals in advertising. I thought I would choke to death. I’m glad you got out too!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Doreen, So sorry to hear about your childhood. At least you made something good come out of it. Congratulations on being a published author. Well done.

    • Bev

    • 8 years ago

    I started a journal with a new home and new job. Only to document the different events I would encounter and to be able to write my thoughts since there would be no one to voice those to. No one will ever be able to understand those written words, as I am usually upset or amazed of what has happened and the mind works faster than the pencil. But, yes I feel so much better and when the strange happens I laugh and comment, “This is a journal entry”.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Bev, Whatever works for you, that’s my motto for journal-keeping. Sounds like you have a good system.

  9. Journaling is excellent for stress relief. Getting your thoughts ( good or bad) out of your head and on to pay can be very therapeutic and beneficial. I always feel better when I get things off my chest…and journaling is a great way to do that.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Couldn’t agree more, Darlene. I’m always encouraging my sons to write down their problems. There is something to having worries brought outside yourself on paper. It puts things in perspective.

  10. Can really relate to this – but I don’t think I have been as organised as I think you may have been. I have stacks of books that don’t run in good date order! And like you, I fear people reading mine – I keep thinking about burning them because there may be stuff in there that could upset people when I am gone – you know, that ranty stuff that is done with once you get it out and I would hate anything to be taken out of context by my children some day.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Gilly, I totally get the worry that people might read your journals. I take solace in the fact that most of mine are so mundane, and done in my scribbly handwriting, that very few (if any) people would take the time to go over them. Not to mention, by that time, whatever hurt feelings they might come across are long gone. At least that’s what I tell myself.

  11. I am not a journal keeper, but it is something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but like you said I thought my life too boring. Now I see what I’ve missed out on.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Rena, Its never too late! You can start a journal right now. Life just keeps flowing. Jump in whenever you can.

  12. Laurie,

    I love this! I couldn’t agree with you more. I have four writing journals on Amazon right now. I would love to give you one as a gift. (I can order them at a discount since I created them:)) Just go to http://www.amazon.com and type in Tomi Rues. You will see all four. If you see one you would like. Just email me your address. I’ll get one sent out to you. It’s nice to meet someone else who loves/needs to write in journals just like I do!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Tomi, You’re too kind. Your journals are beautiful and what a generous gesture. I’d love one and would love to return the favor someday!

  13. I love this! I think that journaling is such a great way to just relieve the stresses of the day and get out all of your thoughts. I keep a happiness journal where I focus on gratitude each day.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jennifer, I love the idea of a happiness journal. Mine is always a mishmash of everything, but what a wonderful way to focus on all that’s good. You’re giving me ideas.

  14. Hi Laurie! Sister journal keeper over here. Right now, I’m going back through a stack of journals and rescuing poems I’ve written that have been trapped for ages. So far, I’ve freed 43 poems. I’m transcribing them into another journal, so they’re all in once place and then, voila…I’ll create a book of poems and publish it sometime in 2017. Going back through my journals is like reading a train wreck, a long to do list, pages of quotes, and the daily rantings of a mad woman. The only part that was really really hard for me to re-read was when my dog died. Ugh.

    I don’t worry too much about someone else reading them. It’s no secret I write and sometimes I write as if someone in the future is reading it.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Peggy, I love the idea of writing like someone in the future is reading it. You never know. Especially if you become a famous poet! I haven’t had the courage to go back through the years (like an archeological dig) but someday I will.

  15. I’m a journal addict, and there are more pages in mine than I can even believe. I’ve always said to different people struggling with complicated, layered problems that the first thing you have to do is see your mind on the page before you. Go from there.

    I love this post, and especially where you talk about having “more to say.” And I don’t know about you, but every relationship of mine improved when I started journaling. Mostly, I understood and liked me better.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Susan, I love that — having to see your mind on a page before you. I find sometimes I can’t figure out my thoughts till I’ve written them down. So happy to meet a fellow traveller!

  16. You have shamed me. I kept a journal for years and I still have most of them. I think what changed was the Internet and my writing my blog. Could that be my journal? I also kept my yearly calendars but when we moved four years ago, I tossed them out. I now regret that. You have made me realize that even a short note can mark my life, let me know where I am each day. THANKS.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Beth, Sounds like you need to go back. I find (unlike blogging), my journaling is strictly for me. There are private thoughts in a journal, that would never find their way to my blog…thank God. Its funny, all the different kinds of writing we do.

  17. Hi Laurie! I’ve tried to keep journals over the years but they fizzle out! It is good though to go back and read about certain times in your life – good or bad. I’ve shared your post on my Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond Facebook page. Have a lovely day.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Sue, Thank you so much!

  18. I love keeping a journal. It helps me navigate through tough times and also gives perspective on the emotions of the moment.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Estelle, I just can’t quit my journal. Its been decades. Glad you also enjoy keeping one.

  19. I did discard my journals several times in life. I never burned them. It was way less dramatic … I threw them in the trash. My reasoning was I didn´t want my kids to ever read the dark places I had been in … like really dark … after I die. Maybe I was wrong, maybe it was ok. I keep on writing. HUGS.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Lorraine, I totally get that. There are parts I wouldn’t want my sons to read. I can only hope my handwriting is so messy, they’d quickly lose patience. You’re writing and that’s what counts.

  20. I started journaling about 25 years ago–sometimes regularly; sometimes to vent. But alost always when major family events occurred. Now that I blog about parenting grown children and am working on a memoir about specific events, it is a comfort to have my journals to look back at for feedback and refreshment.
    BTW, i learned to take Gregg shorthand years ago and I use that to write in my journal. Only another Gregg-y could read it and I doubt Gregg is taught anymore.
    enjoyed the post

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Penpen, Thank God for those Gregg notebooks, although never learned shorthand. Glad to know another journal keeper!

  21. I have a gratitude journal that I recently started but I also have a spiral notebook and a steno pad with notes – one day I plan to publish a book too.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Antoinette, Sounds like you’re another person who can’t resist keeping chronicles. I think its wonderful. Good luck on your book someday! I’m also working on one.

  22. Amazing how some of the most significant things in our lives just sort of…happen. I applaud your journal-keeping. I’ve kept a daily journal for almost 2 decades and a spotty journal for the forty years before that. I couldn’t tell you the number of times I’ve consulted those books, looking for clarification on ‘something’. When did we do this, buy that, see those, meet them, go there. I’ve become the reference for other family members as well. And I think it is so important to keep those records! My mother always said the ‘recording angel’ is keeping notes on my life. I can’t wait to compare my notes with theirs! 😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Diane, Sounds like you are, indeed, a journal keeper! I just turn to my book like a friend. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling till I start writing it out. I suspect there are many of us out there.

  23. I prescribe to “morning pages,” stream of conscious writing first thing in the morning. It sets me up for the whole day!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lisa, Sounds great. My journal is also stream of conscious. I just write whatever comes to mind. Some of it’s pretty mundane, some of it surprises me, but its always great to get it on paper.

  24. I’ve been inconsistent, but do it most days. It’s so helpful to get my mind sorted out.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Shari, Journal keeping has helped a lot over the years. Glad you do it too!

    • Barbara

    • 5 years ago

    I love journaling! It’s more of a gratitude journal, which I personally find to help center me. I love reading through my old journals!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Barbara, That must be a wonderful exercise, going back on past things that made you happy.

    • Barbara

    • 5 years ago

    I love journaling! It’s more of a gratitude journal, which I personally find to help center me.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Barbara, Not sure what I’d do without my journals. Glad I’m not the only one.

  25. I have said so many times I was going to start journaling but never have time. So I may write a book instead. I do write down things I a grateful for though.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lauren, That’s also journaling, keeping track of what we’re grateful for. Its also very healthy and soothing.

  26. I’ve kept a journal on and off for most of my life, and most recently ON. I was keeping one when my husband and I first started dating, found it and read it to him when celebrating the 25th anniversary of our first date (in 2011). It was amazing what a renewed rush of love we both felt. It reignited the spark!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Shari, That’s so beautiful. You could write a blog post about that. So glad to meet a fellow journal-keeper!

  27. My husband and I used to read to each other from our journals when we were dating…love keeping a journal throughout the years!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Tobi, How beautiful! Never thought of doing that. One of these days,I’m going to gather all the books and start reading here and there. It should be amazing.

    • Pam

    • 3 years ago

    I love to journal, and I even blog about it sometimes. But, I don’t do it often enough. You’ve inspired me to write more!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Pam, It can be wonderfully meditative.

  28. I was never great at keeping a journal but sometimes I wish I was. For a while, I wrote down affirmations and did some automatic writing but otherwise, my brain just doesn’t work that way. But, it’s a fabulous way to preserve memories even if they are mundane at times because it will spark your creativity.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Rebecca, I think it’s all about what works for you. Automatic writing sounds interesting.

  29. I used to journal from the time I could write and stopped sometime within the last 7 years. I suppose now that I have a son I don’t want to leave any trails of my innermost thoughts 😃 in case I die suddenly. I am inspired to begin again and just shred anything that may be too personal after I write it. Not that I have any deep dark secrets… just some things are better left unknown to grown children.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Lynn, I get that. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

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