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This will be my 36th Christmas as a married woman and I have to admit, ten years ago I was resentful.  This holiday was all about material stuff and deadlines and ornaments and work. Then I smartened up.

Now I know women who love this holiday and do it to perfection.  Their homes would make Martha Stewart jealous.  They have twenty Christmas trees scattered about.  The smell of fresh-baked cookies fill the air.  They’re cheerful and excited and welcoming.

I wish I was one of them.  Instead I’ve learned to make peace with this failing of mine and have honed the following three Yuletide shortcuts…

Don’t sweat the decorating.  We live near seven Christmas evergreen farms in my part of Connecticut and yet (drumroll please)… we have a fake tree!  Ten years ago I found all of us lugging a full-grown fir into the house — sweating and swearing every step — when I realized there had to be a better way.

Enter new tree, easily assembled in three pieces, lights attached.  All you do is plug it in.  My husband and sons were horrified.  I had killed Christmas, they told me.  But I stayed strong and now our fake tree has become a tradition (not to mention the butt of many jokes).

Another thing I discovered is that teenagers make excellent ornament hangers.  A few years ago I bribed offered to pay my 16 year-old son and his friends to help out.  Who knew teenage boys were such an untapped resource?

Okay, it wouldn’t make the window of Neiman Marcus and I had to listen to punk-rock Christmas carols (you haven’t lived till you’ve heard “Silent Night” sung by “My Chemical Romance”), but it worked.  I got my tree.  They got their dough.  Everyone was happy.

Don’t sweat the card.  For some reason, I used to put a lot of pressure on this event.  We had to have the perfect family picture with the dog and cat, all looking our best.  Then a few years ago, something wonderful happened.  Nine days before Christmas I realized I’d forgotten the card.

My high-school aged sons happened to be sprawled on our couch with the dog.  I grabbed my phone and took a shot.  The picture was grainy.  The boys weren’t looking at the camera.  Our dog looked like a large white rabbit.  I told myself it was a “candid.”  I got the card back from the printer, biting my lip each time I slid it into an envelope.

It was a hit!  Who knew? People loved its “originality.”  Okay, they were being polite, but it was one more realization this holiday isn’t about perfection.  I have a friend who sends regular old-fashioned cards with no photo.  I have another who skips the card all together.  I have another who sends all hers after the holidays.  I admire anyone who listens to their own Yuletide voice.

Don’t sweat the dinner.  I used to think I had to do everything.  Despite offers of help, I thought I had to produce a perfect 5-star meal on my own.   Then I smartened up.  Now Mom brings a side. My sister brings appetizers.  My brother brings dessert.  And dinner is easier, thank you very much.

Unless you’re Nigella Lawson, no one is expecting Coq au Vin or Beef Wellington.  As long as it’s edible, declare victory.

I have a friend who takes this concept one step further.  She serves a full-course, gorgeous holiday dinner… on disposable plates.  “I hate the clean-up,” she says.  And though I wouldn’t be that intrepid, I admire her moxie.  She knows where to channel her energies and that’s what this holiday is about.  Christmas should be enjoyed by everyone, including you.

Now having said all this, there’s one more thing to add.  Despite my moaning and complaining each year, something always happens.  I call it my “Christmas moment.”

I’ll find myself alone in the living room on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning.  The tree is lit.  Stockings are hung.  Maybe one of my favorite songs like John Lennon’s “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” is playing.  Christmas and I finally come face to face like two gunslingers.

And that’s when it happens. That’s when I feel it. Despite all the grousing and kvetching, in that hushed instant, Christmas comes into my soul.  I see how this holiday is really about the passage of time.  I see how its a touchstone each year for who we are and who we’re becoming.  I look around and say thank you for my life and my family and friends. I see how blessed I am.

And that’s my ultimate gripe about this holiday.

No matter how Grinch-like I start, how much I want to remain above it all, in the end…Christmas always wins.

 

How do you feel about Christmas?  Comments are always welcome and if you’d like to receive postings by email, just enter your address at the top right  Thank you!

 

Have a senior who needs some holiday cheer? Here’s the latest post from Silvernest on keeping spirits high!

Comments(32)

  1. Loved it!

  2. Thank you, Ann!

  3. AMEN sister! Raising teens is hard enough. Raising teens AND putting on a big fancy holiday?? No thanks. :-/

  4. At least we can put them to good use!

  5. I’m all for making Christmas as stress free as possible. I have sweated many Christmas days because my kids haven’t looked like they were enjoying themselves (they were 20 something and home for the holiday under sufferance) I now have a streamlined minimal tree (thinking of going for the spray painted branch idea in the future – less baubles) and I make sure everyone brings something for the meal. It’s all about making the day a pleasure and not a pain – nice to meet a like minded Christmas person 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Leanne, I like the spray-painted branches concept. Anything that makes things easier. Great idea!

  6. Hi Laurie! Good for you for learning to celebrate Christmas in a way that fits YOU–instead of trying to compare yourself or keep up with the Martha Stewarts of the world. I too know some of those women and frankly it looks exhausting. Besides, after my husband and I began “rightsizing” and simplifying our lives about 5 years ago, we learned that experiences are always more fulfilling and satisfying. That’s why we are going to Egypt this year for our “Christmas!” Definitely one to remember. May you have a wonderful day yourself–and yes, let the real reason for Christmas win! ~Kathy

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Wow! I like your style, Kathy. Going to Egypt? How exciting. Yes, one of these years I’ll do the ultimate easy Christmas and go somewhere else! Have a wonderful time.

  7. I so believe that trappings get in the way of spirit. The more I drop from the routines and the more relaxed about the people around me, the goofier I get and the more fun I have. Right with you on this.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Couldn’t agree more, Susan. I think women take too much on themselves to provide the “perfect” Christmas, instead of good enough. I know being easier on myself has changed my enjoyment of this holiday for the better.

  8. Christmas and I made a new arrangement. After the Christmas I found out my husband was cheating. After the Christmas I found out I had breast cancer. Yeah, Christmas and I had a serious coming to Jesus meeting.

    Christmas helped me understand that it was about SPIRIT. Christmas helped me understand that it was about BEING. Christmas helped me understand it was about FAITH.

    It was entirely up to me how much or how little I decorated or spent or over obligated myself.

    Ever since the Christmas of 2005, when I redefined my part in the agreement, Christmas and I have gotten along very nicely.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Wow, Peggy, you went through a lot. I’m sorry. But you gained wisdom. Learning to be easy on ourselves is probably the biggest lessons women can learn with this holiday. It should carry into regular life as well.

  9. The older I get the more I realized that Christmas is “that moment”. Everything else is just noise.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Beautifully put, Beth. It’s all about that moment, which is beautiful. The rest, as you say, is noise.

  10. I skipped the Christmas Card this year. I will however, remain faithful to the seven fishes on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Bryce, I think we must do what feels right. Have a Merry Christmas! The seven fishes sounds wonderful.

  11. Great advice for all those who get worked into a frenzy this time of year. Stressed out by major decorating, cards, cooking and Baking etc. It should be about peace, and often that peace is elusive because we get too busy!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Darlene, I’ve learned the hard way to keep what works and discard the rest. I’ve never regretted that. Have a wonderful Christmas!

  12. I totally agree. Got family pics taken on our trips so used those for the card, let my daughter hang the ornaments, my hubby will make dinner and Amazon.com is great for presents so I don’t have to gift wrap!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Estelle, Got all my gifts from Amazon! I took my laptop in front of the fireplace and shopped away. One of the easiest Christmases ever. Have a wonderful holiday.

  13. I think Christmas is a lot of work. But I have “down-sized” as well. No cards. Tree and a few decorations – not EVERYTHING. And this year I’ve ordered the prime rib from our favorite restaurant. These small changes make it much less daunting.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Cathy, Sounds like you have it down. I think it takes several years (decades?) to discover our true “Christmas selves.”

  14. “Christmas always wins.” This was an awesome read. Just what I needed.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Annette, Thanks so much!

    • Lea

    • 5 years ago

    Hi Laurie! Since this post goes back a ways I don’t know if you’ll even see this comment, but I loved this – your hints and your gunslinger moment. Great image! And aren’t those moments to be treasured! When the Christmas spirit infuses our frenzied souls. Joy! Merry Christmas! XO

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lea, Thanks so much. Yes, every holiday I have that moment when Christmas really comes in. I think many people feel the same.

  15. Christmas always wins here as well.
    I just had a stupendous idea!
    I’m going to find one of ‘those’ women. You know. The ones who have the twenty trees, the delicious baking, etc. etc. and etc. And I’m going to just move in there for the holidays.
    Everyone wins.
    Okay, well, I win! 😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, Brilliant! Let me know and I’ll come with you.

  16. My Christmas decor fits on top of a small bookcase and is just enough to make me feel festive every year when I put it out. I have no kids and I’m not a thrower of parties so this is really just for me. That may sound selfish but I guess I’m OK with that.

    a href=”https://frogma.blogspot.com/2018/12/deck-halls.html

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Bonnie, That all sounds wonderful! Merry Christmas!

  17. Loved this! I am trying to talk my husband into a fake tree but he won’t have it. I’m Jewish so the whole tree thing was novel for about 5 years. Now I’m over it. My kids are still young enough that I have to do the “card thing.” It’s expected. But man it kills me (did I order enough? Did I forget someone? I sent you two?). And like you I have to listen to my punk Christmas songs like The Ramones doing Merry Christmas. But I admit I still love Bruce Springsteen’s Santa Clause is Comin’ to Town (more so since Clarence Clemons died) and Do They Know It’s Christmas Time by Band Aid ’84! Then I really get into it. Luckily I only have to sweat a salad. We always go to my husband’s cousin’s house. So I get to enjoy the whole day by that damn (but pretty) tree.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Lauren, I also love “Do They Know its Christmas?” Think I’ll play it right now!

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