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Sometimes you don’t know when you’re seeing someone for the last time. Recently my husband Randy, sons Patrick and Paul, and I went to Houston to visit Joyce, my mother-in-law, now in her senior years. I’ve always loved Texas with its flat plains, barbecue restaurants, and honkytonk music, so different from leafy, hilly, Yankee Connecticut.

Joyce’s cozy home is in the West University area, filled with pictures of her sons, grandsons, late husband George who passed in 2001, parents, grandparents, and friends. Joyce was born in this house. An entire lifetime is contained in these walls.

She looked good considering she has serious health concerns. “Look around and pick out what you want when I’m gone,” she said, matter-of-factly. Randy and I didn’t know how to respond.

I watched her play hostess, which she loves to do, offering popcorn, soda, and chocolate chip cookies. Her nails were done in the usual French manicure, hair perfectly coifed.

I met Joyce in 1978 when she and George lived in Westport, CT. My new boyfriend Randy brought me over and I remember seeing a woman sitting outside on the patio.  She had long legs capped with coral-colored toenails.

At our approach, she stood and walked toward me. “I’m Joyce,” she said in her honeyed southern accent. She was quite beautiful with chestnut brown hair and a lovely smile. She had been homecoming queen for Baylor University.

Little did I know this was the beginning of a long relationship. Randy and I married in 1980 and his parents would visit each year. Joyce and I got along for the most part, although there were tense moments. We’re both strong-willed women who like to control. I’m a quiet, introverted New Englander. She’s an outgoing Southerner who loves lots of conversation.

Still, over the years and decades, I learned from my mother-in-law. Like many southern women, she’s glamorous. I took note of how she did her make-up and put clothes together.

She loves good food and champagne and beautiful restaurants. She’s also a great hostess and taught me how to make guests feel welcome by asking them questions about themselves. Sometimes she’d simmer a big pot of chili all day. (“Texan’s make it with beef, not beans,” she’d instruct).

She never held a grudge, always taking the high road. If she felt anger or sadness, I never saw it. In hard times, she kept her smile and zest for life.

Our Houston visit went fast and before we knew it, it was our last night. Joyce joined Randy, the boys and me for a steak dinner in our hotel restaurant. I noticed she didn’t eat much and after dinner, announced she was heading home. She looked tired and I worried about her driving. “I’ll be fine,” she said in her twang. “I’ve done it all my life.”

She rose and gave us each a hug. Her body felt frail, so different from the tall, statuesque woman I’d met 36 years back. She looked into my eyes. “You’re a wonderful daughter-in-law,” she said. “You’ve always taken such good care of my son.” She’d given this compliment often, only this time the words seemed more poignant.

Patrick and Paul escorted their grandmother out the dining room to help get her car. Randy and I watched them leave, Joyce walking slow, a grandson on each arm. I couldn’t help think how life catches up with even the most vibrant, how the wheel keeps turning for each generation.

The waiter came and asked if we’d like anything more. Randy and I looked at each other. Our eyes were misty. “Just the check,” my husband said.

That was the last time I saw my mother-in-law.

 

Do you have a special memory of a mother or father-in-law?  Comments are always welcome.  And if you like, please share.

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Comments(34)

  1. A lovely tribute!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thanks so much, Haralee.

    • Pia

    • 7 years ago

    This is beautiful!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thank you, Pia.

  2. Just beautiful, as I write with tears running down my cheeks…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thanks so much, Renee. Joyce and I had our tense moments, but I still miss her a lot.

  3. How lovely. I loved my mother in law very much. She died in 2007 and I still miss her all the time.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Michelle, It can be a complicated relationship, at least mine could be at times. But I loved her very much and miss her.

  4. What a beautiful tribute. Not everyone is blessed with a wonderful relationship like this. You were lucky.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jennifer, We had our tense times. We were very different. But she had many wonderful qualities I admired and miss.

  5. Beautiful, Laurie. It’s amazing how a common love can bring people together. In the case of you and your mother-in-law – Randy and your boys.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Corinne, Such a great way to put it. Yes, we both shared that great love over the course of several decades.

  6. We still have all our parents. Reading this was a good reminder to enjoy the time we have with them.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Lori, It all goes so fast. Can’t believe Joyce has been gone almost three years. Doesn’t seem possible.

  7. Beautifully written. I feel like I can almost see her.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Bonnie, thanks so much!

  8. such a beautiful words. i did not have that mother in law…but i truly hope i am like that to my new daughter in law. thank you for sharing.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Lisa, Joyce and I had our bumpy moments, there’s no doubt. I also feel that way about a future daughter-in-law. I’d like a nice relationship with her.

  9. This is lovely. Truly. Different worlds that you both came from. My mother-in-law was also tall and stately. I admired her from afar when I was teenager, but once I was part of the family, I realized that some of the decisions she had made caused her pain. She had eleven children (Catholic) and few friends. She fought alcoholism as she aged, but toward the end of her life was sober. Then she would tell us wonderful stories and the sad years slipped away.

    We never know a person’s inner life. We can only guess.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Beth, Such a good point. We truly never know a person’s inner life and their struggles. Wow, eleven children! I can’t imagine how difficult that would be, physically and emotionally. It must have taken a toll on your mother-in-law. Sounds like she was lonely at the end. I’m sure she appreciated your company.

  10. Had to clear my eyes of tears to be able to type! Beautifully done.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Diane, Thank you so much.

  11. A loving tribute. Thank you for sharing.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Thanks for reading, Lisa.

  12. That was beautiful Both of my husband’s parents died before we met so I never had parent in-laws.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lauren, I’m sorry for your (and your husband’s) loss. Although challenging at times, in-laws also add a lot of spice to life!

  13. I LOVE this post! Such a lovely woman! And such a graceful, beautiful last memory.
    I was just thinking of the last time I saw my dad. Still vibrant and mentally lively at 90. He had given me a hug and returned to his recliner as I was leaving his room. I turned and looked at him. “Be good,” I said.
    His eyes twinkled in his ‘Dad’ way. “Awwww!”
    I said, “Daddy! I am not bailing you out again!”
    He laughed and laughed.
    What a great last memory that is!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, So sweet and funny. Our fathers sound so much alike and weren’t we lucky to have good ones?

  14. Lovely sketch of your MIL and your relationship. Thank you.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Thanks for reading, Pennie!

  15. I love this and how deeply you feel. Sweet

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Carol, Thank you so much!

  16. What a beautiful tribute to Joyce. My fondest memory of my father-in-law… and I can still hear his voice… is the way he called all the girls Sweetie.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Jane, He sounds like a nice man.

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