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My husband Randy went out of town this week and it occurred to me how things change when he’s away. Not super-dramatic, but enough to rock the usual rigorous, Swiss-clock precision of the Stone house (kidding). And here, in no particular order, are the changes…

Dinners become a joke. Okay, who am I trying to kid? Dinners are usually primitive affairs at best around here — turkey burgers and ravioli — but when Randy’s gone, it’s really “Lord of the Flies.”

My teenage sons and I fight over who has to pick up the Chinese take-out. I’ve been known to eat Fudge Ripple ice cream as the main course. Things that would horrify my husband, like eating goat cheese on Swedish hard bread (which he calls prison food) become a staple.

Our bed becomes a repository for… well, everything. In the old days when Randy travelled, no matter how tucked in everyone started the night, I’d wake up with two little boys, a dog and a cat next to me, all touching my body like spokes on a wheel.

These days instead of kids, there are journals, computers, books, magazines, my kindle, the cat (still), my purse, DVD’s, phones, and empty snack bags. How quickly that real estate gets gobbled up.

I stay up later. Since I don’t have to turn out the light when Randy comes to bed, I watch horrible shows into the wee hours like “Housewives of New York City” or “Celebrity Wife Swap.” Sometimes I’ll watch a marathon of “Modern Family.”

I know women who can view “The Walking Dead” or the local news while alone. I can’t even watch them when not alone, although sometimes I go crazy and check out “River Monsters,” which leads me to #4…

I hear more thumps and bumps. I hate 3:00 a.m., especially when Randy’s gone. It’s that in-between hour, not quite early late night, but not early morning either. Its smack in the middle like that mean girl I had to go around in the school cafeteria.

I lay awake and try not to think of every crime ever committed or that giant crocodile pulled from the Amazon, or how the town newspaper said it’s been a bad year for break-ins.

I start to miss him. It’s usually the three-day mark when I look up from my bed, which by now resembles the last hours of Woodstock and realize something’s missing. Don’t I usually share this space with someone? Someone tall who snores? Someone who leaves his dirty clothes one inch from the hamper?

Something strange is happening.

I’m starting to miss my husband. I miss his solid presence in this house. I miss talking to him. I miss the way he gets things off shelves without a stepstool.

Yes, by the end of the week, I’m ready to give back Randy’s side of the bed (after a good cleaning), cook real meals, and say goodbye to late night “Storage Wars.” But it’s a good trade.

When I hear those thumps and bumps at 3:00 a.m., it’s nice to nuzzle into my husband, mumbling, “Honey, what was that?”

Of course, Randy’s too busy snoring to hear, but that’s okay. It’s nice to know he’s there.

 

How do you fare when left to your own devices? Comments are always welcome and if you like, please share.

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Comments(72)

  1. Wonderful

  2. This is great! Such a push and pull between the sides of our lives…

  3. Thank you, Ann.

  4. Thank you, Lois. We love our freedom but miss those big lugs…

  5. Love this post. When my hubs was active duty, the first couple weeks were the hardest. Then I got into my own routine with my furkids and settled in. When he would return, some 4-6 months later, it was a bit of readjustment period. There were times that I missed him terribly, but others, I enjoyed my new found freedom of being my own person again.

    It’s a double-edge sword. 🙂

    B

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      I agree, Bren. I think breaks are wonderful (if not essential) for marriages. Its good for women to get a sense of independence. I always loved these interludes. Thanks for reading.

  6. I loved this! I so get the whole Lord of the Flies eating thing – when my husband is away I eat microwave meals and icecream. I run around singing “home alone” and spreading out starfish-wise in the bed. But like you, after a few days it’s nice to have him home again.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      You got it, Leanne. Its fun to have an “anything goes” time, but then nice to have them home again. Thanks for reading.

    • Helene Cohen Bludman

    • 8 years ago

    I do the same thing when my husband is away! I watch awful tv shows and have popcorn for dinner.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      So funny, Helene. We women think alike! Thanks for reading.

  7. ha ha ha – all true! i’m the same way.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Isn’t it nice to let it all hang out when we’re home alone? I resort to my inner 14 year old.

  8. I stay up so much later too! I want to be super tired when I go to sleep.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      I’m the same way, Sharon. I hate lying there, wondering what each creak is. I’d rather stay up late and knock myself out.

  9. Yep. All of the above . . .

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Hee hee… we’re all alike, Diane.

  10. I love this, I could have written this, I am exactly like this. What resonated most: after you’ve had your little “just me” fling, that moment when you think, I’m tired of having Triscuits and cheese for dinner and I’d really like to see his headlights right now.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Susan, Isn’t that the truth? Its nice to have the fling, but you’re right, its nice for him to come home too. Thanks for reading.

  11. Awww, this was so sweet and funny and true! I love the line about your bed looking like Woodstock (and the Lord of the Flies reference, genius!). But, I must tell you, Laurie, fudge ripple ice cream is in fact a main course–as is salted caramel ice cream if eaten with peanut M&Ms. Tip, buy a new bag of M&Ms and eat them down to the level they were before your husband left town and then he’ll be really impressed that you stayed away from the chocolate while he was gone.

    Great post!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Lee, Figures you would have the most ingenious techniques for peanut M&M’s and husbands. Salted caramel? Mama Mia, that sounds good. Will have to try!

  12. I’m 100% the same when my husband is away on business … and I always have a major tidy up just before he returns too! 😊

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Linda, I think there’s a whole book to be written on the secret life of wives when their husbands leave town. It could be quite eye-opening!

    • Michele

    • 7 years ago

    Hi from Sydney (in the midst of a crazy heatwave – thank God for aircon).

    Just discovered your blog, it’s terrific! I’m about to hit 60 and can’t quite believe it! How the hell did that happen? lol

    I so relate to this post! When my husband says “I’m really sorry love, but I have to go on a business trip for a few days next week”, I try to look sad, however inside my head I’m doing a little happy dance.
    I can binge-watch my favourite Netflix series in bed, (“will that ep be much longer love?”) whilst on my laptop (” you’re always on that bloody thing – you need to take a break”), with my dog (” does he really have to be on the bed?”) nestled beside me and a cup of tea (or maybe wine) and a snack (“are you still hungry after that big dinner?, I couldn’t eat a thing!”).

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Michele, Sounds like we live in parallel universes, even though we’re half a planet away. Thank you for your kind words. Come back and visit anytime!

  13. The only time we were allowed to have mac and cheese (out of that cool blue box!) when I was growing up was when my dad was out of town on business. My 4 brothers and I thought this was such a treat, LOL! My mom probably thought we were crazy, but loved how easy dinner was on those nights. Great post! 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thanks, Monica. Yes, things really changed when Randy was out of town. Mommy took a holiday.

  14. I do love my alone time! But I have some of the same responses as you. Oh, I never know what I want! LOL

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Carol, I need alone time. Once I’m recharged, I can be sociable. Its a funny balance for introverts.

  15. This was funny, Laurie, I loved the line about your bed looking like Woodstock. I can relate to so much in this post, except I don’t have a cat. I think one of the hardest things about spending a few days alone is meals. I hate to eat alone and it seems so empty and unsatisfying. There are other indulgences however, that I enjoy, like watching a chick flick or other TV shows that I like and he doesn’t.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Molly, I have to admit, I totally love having a few days to myself, meals and all. Then I start missing him. Sometimes absence does make the heart grow fonder.

  16. That’s so me with dinners if I only have myself to feed! It’s usually cereal! & I’m exactly the same with 3am!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      I shudder to think what I’d eat if left only to my own devices. Having a husband and grown son home definitely keep me honest.

  17. This pretty much sums up my own home when my husband is away! Made me smile 😊

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Thank you, Crystal. Glad I’m not the only one!

  18. Yes, when my husband is away, which isn’t really often, I completely take over the bed with books and laptops and ipads, but never food. I can’t stand crumbs in a bed.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Jennifer, I love eating in bed…one of my many character flaws. I try and be neat, but sometimes messes occur. There is something luxurious about having a big bed to yourself.

  19. So true. I do every thing from our bed rather than going back down stairs, watch all my shows and stay up late too! Sadly I leave town today for 3 days so I’m wondering how he will fare!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Andrea, Its funny how routine changes when husband is out of town. I’m glad I’m not the only “bed person” out there. I think its my favorite place in the house.

  20. Love it. When my “chef in chief” travels its a rush for all take-out menus within 2-3 blocks! We try to keep everything else “as is”, i.e. bed times, wake-up times, tidiness of the house etc. But when it comes to eating, its get down to the bare basics and LOTS of take out. 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Darlene, I could easily eat cheese and crackers every night. My husband would faint. Its nice to take breaks from “real dinner” nights.

  21. That is wonderful that your missing him creeps up on you like that. Time apart does make the heart grow fonder I guess.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Shari, Time apart does make the heart grow fonder. I have to confess, now my husband is retired and never travels. So, now I take my own little jaunts to get some distance and time to myself. Love them.

  22. I really realize all the things he does and then I have to do them! The cats are really unhappy. When I travel, more often than my husband, he says he does fine and the cats are happy, hmmmm

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Haralee, When I go away, the rules loosen a lot. My husband allows my dog to sleep in the bed with him, something I never do. Sounds like your kitties are given extra privileges too when Mom’s away!

  23. About a decade ago my husband had to work the night shift for a little bit and it was awful. I hated it.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Rena, I could see how that could get old fast.

  24. My husband never travels (sometimes wish he would on occasion–we all need that chance to really, really miss the other), but he does often work overnight shifts, so I definitely understand the sounds at night thing and piling clothes on his side, too. The dog helps! This post was so relatable. Love all the details!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Julie, Thanks so much. Sounds like you’ve been there.

  25. My husband was gone for two nights over the weekend and that’s when I watch a film that he won’t or do fun projects. I even rehung some pictures in our den, because he likes to keep things JUST AS THEY ARE. He came home and didn’t even notice! Love having him back!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Beth, Its funny how the small things we “rearrange” when they’re gone are almost never noticed. Of course, maybe they do the same to us! Yes, I miss my husband when its been a few days.

  26. Another awesome story Laurie! So glad to hear you’re a fellow Bravo-lite! As for thumps and bumps at 3am, a fan for white noise! 🙂

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Emily, The white noise is a good idea! Never thought of that. Yes, (blushing with embarrassment) still sometimes watch “Housewives of Beverly Hills.”

  27. I’m thinking of my mom when I read this. My dad was a submariner and he would be on patrol for three months at a time with very little contact (there was the rare treat of a radio call where a radio operator listened in and you would end your sentence with “Over” so that the radioman would know you were done and switch to the other party, but that was pretty much it – dad was on the SSBN’s that were playing hide and seek with the USSR back then, no noise allowed). Mom was pretty much unflappable as far as keeping our lives carrying on quite normally but there were little things like my sister and baing able to convince her that cake was a breakfast food. Only time I specifically remember Mom maybe being phased was one of the years when Dad was away for Christmas and Mom asked my sister and I what we would think of not putting up a tree. Sister and I thought that was the worst idea we’d ever heard and shot it right down without thinking twice. We pretty young and not sensitive enough to say “Hey, mom, that’s unusual, are you OK?”. Looking back I always wondered if maybe she was having an extra blue Christmas without him that year, but reading this, but then again maybe she was just looking for one demanding routine she could write off when Dad was away.

    I should ask her next time I’m home.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Bonnie, Wow. That’s an amazing story and could easily be a memoir. I can’t imagine being on my own for three months at a time with young children. Your mother was an amazing woman. Hope you write about this someday.

  28. I’ve been here by myself for a week and a half and am really enjoying it. I live with a retired guy who is usually home 24 hours a day. It’s just been me and 3 little dogs in the apartment. One dog is my granddog who I’m watching while my daughter is in Italy. I don’t have to worry about strangers breaking in, because they’ll all bark like dingos.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Rebecca, Laughing. Yes, its hard to sneak into a house with even one dog. I’ve never been by myself for a week and half, crazy as that is. Sounds like you’re adjusting well.

  29. Sister here, husband gone, eating leftovers husband made before he left for the last 2 days! Everyone wins!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Haralee, Impressed that husband made leftovers! Well done.

  30. So sweet… so true. Christmas Day it will be eight years since my husband died, unexpectedly. I’ve had to exert a conscious decision to keep some semblance of order in my life. Some Saturdays I catch myself watching Lifetime TV all day… What the… ? That’s not even my demographic! My housekeeping standards have definitely plummeted, as has my desire to cook, but surprisingly I take really good care of myself. I realize there’s no one here to give me the other side of an issue or keep me from becoming the crazy dog lady. And my dogs… Annie and Lulu sleep like the dead. They never notice those bumps in the night, but they love me, and that’s enough. xoxo, Brenda

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Brenda, So sorry for your loss. It sounds like you’re coping as best you can with such a challenging situation. I’m glad you take care of yourself, that may be most vital of all.

  31. Isn’t it interesting how you always hear more noises in the night when your man is away? I’ve grown accustomed to them since living alone for the last 3 1/2 years, but still miss that warm, strong body in the bed next to me. That will never change.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Candi, That wanting a warm, strong body is probably primal, but with anything, we adapt. Sounds like you’re doing a good job.

  32. My husband was going to go out of town recently and I thought not this time of year! Some times there is just too much going on to jump into being solo. As it turned out thankfully he didn’t go.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Haralee, If you have kids in school (and on sports teams), I remember this as a very busy time of year! Thankfully your husband decided to stay.

  33. I think I would like it, but then again I’ve never spent a night away from my husband. We’ve slept side by side for the last 28 years! I still do all of those things but I just pile it up on him while he’s sleeping! (He sleeps soundly!)

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Rena, Laughing. I never thought of that! Randy’s also a sound sleeper. He probably wouldn’t notice either…

  34. Oh, so true! Everything just gets magnified when he’s away. Chores loom larger. Messes grow. Noises…don’t get me started on noises. Fortunately, he’s hardly ever away. Sometimes he substitutes at the local jail as a civilian guard and that’s enough for me.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Diane, I got used to “the noises” when Randy worked and travelled. Now he’s home all the time, so I’m out of practice holding down the fort myself. I’m sure every noise would get to me now too.

  35. So, so glad I don’t have to do this any more.
    I did just realize something, though… Husby sleeps in less-than-conventional attire, so bumps in the night are invariably investigated by the one in the PJ’s.
    Hmmm…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Diane, Laughing. Maybe hubby knows what he’s doing!

  36. When our spouses are gone for a bit, it is kind of like a vacation. YOu can get out of the normal routine and do things in a whole new fun and interesting way.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Janeane, Yes! I think a few days apart can be a healthy thing.

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