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I have a confession to make. I’m in an abusive relationship. No, it’s not with my husband, sons, or family member. It’s with my cat. I try and do the right thing with Rocky. I give him salmon treats and cat nip toys. I greet him lovingly when he enters the room. I pat his velvety brown and black tabby fur. He purrs. I think I’m finally making headway. He cares. He loves me. Then he bites me.

Still, I adore this animal, although I’m not sure why. Simon our dog will hear a strange noise and leap to protect us. Rocky runs full tilt, hiding under the center of the bed.

And unlike the dog, Rocky’s not a pack animal. He could care less where the family is. In fact, he seems to go out of his way to avoid us.

In ancient Egypt, cats were worshipped as deities, their eyes thought to hold supernatural powers. They hear, see, and smell things we can’t. Sometimes Rocky will stare at a spot in the room where I see nothing. I wonder if he’s perceiving ghosts, psychic forces only his feline eyes can pick up.

Of course, my husband Randy would interject here, saying the cat’s dumb as a post and literally staring into space. But I choose to believe Rocky’s communing with the cosmos.

Like many cats, Rocky’s allure is that he’s both beautiful and indifferent. His fur is plush and thick. His face is sensual with almond-shaped eyes. His tail is fat and fluffy. And yet if he was the size of an adult male lion he’d probably kill us, yawn, and go back to sleep.

Still, in his defense, Rocky makes his feelings known in subtle ways. I’m the only lap he sits on. He’ll sleep nestled against me all night. I have to re-position him ten times.

Sometimes he’ll stare at me. I can’t tell if he’s thinking how much he loves me or wondering how I’d taste for dinner.

That’s the thing with cats. You never know.

Maybe we cat owners are masochists. After all, what are we getting out of this? Yes, they’re cute as kittens, but grow into creatures with this inflated sense of entitlement, this ability to walk away and stay away and away and away… at least until mealtime.

Rocky could truly care less about us, except… when he’s being sweet and cuddly and loving. He’s a riddle.

If Rocky were human, people would counsel me to end this relationship. It’s too much of an emotional roller coaster.

But I can’t.

He’s my cat and I love him.

 

(Postscript: Rocky passed away in 2019 at the age of 16. I had him the longest of any pet. Still miss him everyday).

 

Do you have a kitty you just can’t quit? Comments are always welcome and if you’d like to share this piece, just push one of the magic buttons below.

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Comments(58)

  1. Loved the article! Very well written!

  2. Thank you. Glad you liked it.

  3. Ah, the feline persuasion. I love our weirdo, too.

  4. They are a constant mystery. Thanks for reading.

    • Anonymous

    • 9 years ago

    I think he is getting your attention… I feed an outside kitty who every so often, will nip my calf–just to show who's boss…

  5. That's nice of you to feed an outside cat. Yes, kitties like to nip, unfortunately.

  6. I love my cat, but her eyes are her sorcery. If she wants something (either a lap on which to be petted or food) she glares at you with big, mesmerizing eyes. Your downfall is to look, because once you look, she knows she’s won and she jumps from her perch and prances to her goal. Funny to watch two adults trying to avoid her eyes.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 8 years ago

      Jennifer,
      Cats’ eyes are beautiful and mysterious. Definitely part of their mystique.

  7. I totally get you! We’ve got two cats – one that is all over us like a rash and drives my husband crazy (she’s like a two year old when we are on the phone!) and the other one basically ignores us – except for 10 mins a day if we’re really blessed. (and she stares at walls – I’ve even seen her staring at our metal backyard fence – maybe she’s contemplating the cosmos too???)

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Leanne, Laughing. Staring at the metal backyard fence… I don’t think I’ll ask my husband about that. I know what he’d say. Actually I think cats are interesting, intelligent creatures, but I guess the jury’s still out.

  8. Cats are definitely funny critters!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Shelley, They sure are!

  9. I have blood relatives just like this! They are worth my hanging there with, so I think Rocky is too! 😉 I heard an animal expert say one time, “Cats tend to get notions of themselves high above their station in life.” Again, same with my relatives!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Laughing, Lee. I’m sorry about your feline-like relatives. I guess we all have a few of those!

  10. Makes me miss my Gizmo. He was the biggest, most selfish A-hole on the planet, but he was my selfish A-Hole.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Rocky has mellowed in his old age, but still likes to nip or scratch here and there. I still love him.

  11. Co-dependancy issues. That’s what you get in a relationship with a narcissist.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Laughing. Yes, some cats are narcissists. But they can’t live without us… or us without them.

  12. Great one, I love your entertaining style of writing !!! I am a doggy person, my ‘Rocky’ is a fluffy long haired chihuahua boy named Gigi, and he is my world. I am minding my neighbor’s 3 kitties twice a year when she goes on holiday. She has got a female ‘Rocky’, a right little adorable cheeky monkey she is. Just like Rocky, as soon as ‘milady’ thinks that’s enough petting for now, she’ll bite you. She looks like the popular Grumpy cat…. miserable moody old girl … and I still love her. You should see my little dog kissing the cats from next door and how they love each other. A life without pets won’t be the same, don’t you think?!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Klaudia, I can’t imagine life without pets. In a strange way, I think they humanize us. Your little Gigi sounds adorable and so does the female Rocky!

  13. I once fostered a three legged cat that everyone else in the rescue group was afraid of. She was a ginger who had been abused and someone chopped off her leg so there was plenty of reason for her attitude.

    She loved me, but every time there was a sound or something startled her the first thing she did was bring out her claws. I still have scars from her.

    I fostered her over 6 months and was pretty sure no one would adopt her and she would be mine for life. And then, we did a newspaper story on her and someone wanted her. A year later, I ran into her new owner at Starbucks and couldn’t help but notice the multiple scars and scratches on her arm.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Wow, Linda. That’s an amazing story. Someone chopped off her leg? That’s horrifying. Can’t say I blame her attitude, poor thing.

  14. I have three – THREE – cats who drive me to the edge of my patience daily, earning them the collective nickname of Rotten Cats. Just about the time I think it’s time to send them packing, they do something completely hilarious and sweet. So they stay…and stay and stay…and I am now a reluctant but devoted cat owner for life. Or until one of us loses her mind. 😀

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Lisa, I can’t imagine three cats. That would be like having three children. They’re very funny, when they want to be… which is occasionally.

  15. We had a very lovely fluffy calico when I was a kid. She was officially my sister’s and although she started out being called Cindy and that was mostly what we called her, every time my sister thought of a new cat name she liked she would add it on. By the time Cindy passed away her full name was Cindy Pinkpaws Fluffy Queen Scaredycat Aldinger* Innagain Outagain Sinnegan Finnegan Silken Satin Marmalade Warm Fuzzy.

    Cindy was a very beautiful cat but traditional stand-offish cat personality. She hid from visitors. With the family, we were permitted to admire her. When she was in a good mood we could pet her respectfully on the back, stroke her chin, and scratch her on the head and cheeks and she might even start purring. She didn’t really do laps or cuddles much, which was a shame because she was so very soft. If she was lying on her back in the sun and you tried to rub her tummy (which was so tempting because that was where the softest fur was) she would try to take your hand off. She wasn’t psycho, just had boundaries that she required you to respect.

    We had her for many years, I actually don’t remember when my sister got her because I was too young. She was mostly a house cat but we would let her outside when she asked to (hence Innagain Outagain) when we were living in places without a lot of traffic. One day I was petting her under the chin and found a lump. It turned out that she had feline leukemia (the vaccine came out just months after we lost her, so unfair). I cried so hard when we found out.

    She was an older cat by this time and FelV remains a highly lethal disease even today, so the family decision was just to care for her until she didn’t seem to be enjoying life anymore. She’d taken to sleeping with me after my sister left for college. She got steadily weaker and skinnier, and when it got to where she couldn’t make it up onto my high trundle bed I moved out to a sofa bed that she could manage.

    It was odd, the weaker she got, the more she seemed to appreciate attention.

    Eventually she faded away to the point where we were ready to take her to the vet and say goodbye. The very morning of the day when this was going to happen, she curled up on my lap and as I was petting her, she closed her eyes, went to sleep, and then just quietly stopped breathing. It was almost a relief, she hated going to the vet and this was a much more peaceful end. She lived on her own terms, and I guess you could say she died that way, too.

    She could be as cranky and aloof as any cat-hater wants a cat to be – but I’m all choked up just thinking about her.

    *The last name is in the middle because Karen genuinely thought she was done with the naming at that point. Only she wasn’t! 😀

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Bonnie, What a beautiful tribute to Cindy. I laughed (especially by her ever-growing name) and cried. Sounds like Cindy had all the usual cat qualities that make them fascinating. At the end, she grew more vulnerable, which brought tears to my eyes. I hope you make a blog post out of this. So lovely and touching.

      1. ah, I don’t think I ever made a blog post out of this – I’m glad you reshared!

          • Laurie Stone

          • 5 years ago

          Thank you, Bonnie!

  16. Yeah…kitties. Well, they are special and unpredictable. Haha.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 7 years ago

      Michelle, I’ve had several and must admit they all had different personalities. Rocky is the most skittish and prone to sudden mood swings. Still love him.

  17. I love other people’s cats.
    😉

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Diane, So funny. I get how they’re not for everyone.

  18. I know this sounds stupid, but I am absolutely terrified of cats. I won’t sleep in a house with one! I had a coworker that had a cat that he loved and one day he came home from work it was dark. He unlocked his door and turned on the light. The cat went crazy and attacked him for no reason. He was off of work for 6 weeks! No thank you!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Rena, OMG. I’ve never heard of that! Sounds horrifying. I can see how that would turn anyone off from felines.

  19. Loved this…my kitty Spencer has passed but he was much like this…I think I like cats because they don’t “need’ us…well they do, but they think they don’t. I love their indifference…

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Renee, So true. They think they don’t need us, but they do. Puts the relationship in a nutshell. Love that.

  20. WeI had a cat I looooved and cherished for 18 years. When I went off to adulthood, I thought I’d rescue a cat to get the same cat-love I so missed. At the shelter, “Kitty” was sweet and loving… mature and graceful. When I got her home, she was Satan. Sadly, my 22 year old self couldn’t handle her and she had to go back. One of my biggest regrets…:(

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Emily, So sorry you couldn’t find the right rescue-cat. Especially if they’re young, they can be a handful. Maybe your new kitty is out there somewhere…

  21. 12 years ago I became a cat lady. Everything you describe Laurie is a relaxing form of catdom that I strive to be more cat like! The gazing off is contemplating the complexities of life. The turning from purring to biting is expressing the emotional upheavals of love!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 6 years ago

      Haralee, Laughing. Yes, there are probably lots of love-hate human relationships that go the same way!

  22. This sounds like the cat of a friend of mine. The cat is antisocial and downright vicious (claws-out vicious) to everyone INCLUDING its owner. Yet she loves him anyway. I forget the cat’s real name – I only remember that everyone who knows the cat (including sometimes its owner) calls it DevilCat.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Flossie, Laughing. Thank God, Rocky’s not a devil-cat (have met two of those), but he does have a cool indifference to anyone who doesn’t feed him (namely, me). This does not engender him to my husband, unfortunately who has always loved animals and they love him wholeheartedly back.

  23. Cats sure are different. I used t have cats until I got a dog, Now I am a dog person. I love that they love you unconditionally. Cats can be so strange. I had one that was like a dog. He was great. Even people who didn’t like cats loved him. That cat I miss.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 5 years ago

      Lauren, I’m happy to say Rocky mellowed a lot in his old age. When I had to put him down, I cried like a baby. I also love dogs. Seem to always end up with one or the other… or both.

  24. There’s always that one quirky friend you just can’t give up!
    Now Rocky is alternately loving/ignoring you from Heaven!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 4 years ago

      Diane, Ha ha! You’ve got that right.

  25. Oh those friends we mostly love (and are secretly just a little wary of)!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Diane, Good way to put it. Cats can be unpredictable.

  26. Ain’t nothin’ like a sassy kitty. Or 3!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Carol, OMG. I can’t imagine three!

  27. My roommate has a cat and he seems to like me. But sometimes he attacks his owner for no reason. I sometimes hear screams in the night. He’s also a big guy. A true fat cat.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Rebecca, The screams in the middle of the night made me laugh, kind of. Hope everything is all right!

  28. I have empathy for you and your cat. We recently found out our cat is cheating on us with 2 other families.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Janeane, Wow. Never heard of that! Our felines get so fat and lazy, they never go anywhere.

  29. Gotta love cats. I miss having them!

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Carol, I miss them too. Keep wavering.

  30. We always had more than one cat when I was growing up. I loved the kittens and was sad when we had to give them away. But cats definitely have a mind of their own. I used to believe I knew what they were thinking, but of course had no idea.

      • Laurie Stone

      • 3 years ago

      Meryl, I’d love another cat, but between destroyed furniture and our bossy, possessive terrier, Libby, I’m not sure. Will have to think about this.

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